A willingness to wander
From Flanders Fields to Arlington National Cemetery and many points in between,
Amy has walked a long and winding road with me. Ieper, Belgium, March 2007
“The thing about healing, as opposed to curing, is that it is relational. It takes time. It is inefficient, like a meandering river. Rarely does healing follow a straight or well-lit path. Rarely does it conform to our expectations or resolve in a timely manner. Walking with someone through grief…requires patience, presence, and a willingness to wander, to take the scenic route.” — Rachel Held Evans
In a society that seems determined to strive for warp speed in everything, it is not surprising that the quick cure is more popular than healing. But some maladies are not curable. As Dr. Lissa Rankin explains, “healing and curing are inherently different. Curing means ‘eliminating all evidence of disease,’ while healing means ‘becoming whole.'”
Healing takes time, and often leaves scars. While the hope of a cure focuses on a return to normal (whatever normal was), healing almost always leaves us changed in some way. When a complete recovery isn’t in the cards, when our lives are changed irrevocably, we still may have the hope of healing. But we have a long road ahead of us, and as Evans affirms, very few of us are able to travel it alone.
It’s a protracted and painful journey, and rare indeed are those who are ready to accompany us on that path more than briefly. Those who stay close enough to share our pain will also share our frustration, exhaustion, bewilderment and anger. No wonder so few will sign on for such a role. And no wonder physicians, therapists and other paid care providers can only provide a small measure of what is needed for the healing process.
Here’s to those who are willing to wander through this wilderness with us. It is indeed a scenic route, though not in a picture-postcard sense. But not all of the landscapes are desolate. Wildflowers and rainbows appear unexpectedly. Bare trees and silent tombstones radiate an otherworldly beauty. The dusk brings a haunting solace born of the deep-seated understanding that dawn is only half a day away, no matter how far off it may seem.
This post was first published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.
- Posted in: Uncategorized
- Tagged: caring, change, consolation, courage, crisis, death, friendship, grief, healing, illness, journey, presence, process, relationship, solace
Defeat Despair 
Julia,
A worthy piece for our time.
Technology moves too fast for a human to catch up. It causes as you say, frustration which in time leads to stress, anger and in many cases nurtures hate.
Phrases to remember and repeat often when caught in that vortex.
Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee. – St. Augustine
In His will is our peace. – Dante Alighieri
-Alan
Hello Alan, and thank you for your always-helpful thoughts and ideas. Yes, technology can be quite detrimental to mental health, particularly too much screen time. One of the down sides of studying at Oxford (to which there are many “up” sides) is the fact that, due to my being located thousands of miles away, I have to spend way too much time on the computer getting my assignments done, interacting with classmates, reading supplemental material…all of which is enjoyable, but eats up a lot of time. Hence my long absence from these comments. I have taught myself to limit exposure to the computer AND to cut off all screen time no later than 6 pm each night, so my deadline for tonight is fast approaching! But I knew I was very far behind so I may have to bend that rule a bit tonight, as I catch up with all my dear readers. I hope you are seeing signs of springtime in the “quiet corner.” For us, March came in like a lamb and is going out like a lion…if you can call temperatures in the 40’s and 50’s “lion.” I’m sure those of you in the north must laugh at that! You can take the girl out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the girl…
We are what we are, Julia. I fear that these mild temps are setting we once harder folks up for a rude future reality. Hope we can still measure up.
-Alan
Alan, I love that old saying “nature always bats last.” It’s more relevant to me in a gardening context, but I think it applies across the board to all the ways humans interact with their environment. But humans, too, are remarkably resilient. So I’m hopeful that at least some of us will find ways to survive as long as God wants us to.
Amen, Julia. It’s often a battle whether of body, mind or spirit. Yet worth the tussle so long as God sees it fit to provide the challenges and that He keeps us here to face them.
-Alan
Yes, I’ve often thought that maybe God intends for us to grow from the challenges, to enable us to be more fit (or able to enjoy) what comes after we leave this earth.