True and appropriate
Dental student Jeff with a 1-month-old Drew, spring 1984.
“It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: ‘And this, too, shall pass away.’ How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! — how consoling in the depths of affliction! ‘And this, too, shall pass away.’ ” — Abraham Lincoln, 1859 speech in Wisconsin
The wise words Lincoln quoted here are most often spoken at times of frustration, grief or anger, but as he emphasized, they are equally fitting when applied to times of joy, success or prosperity. Not only do they serve as a caution against pride; they also are a reminder that what presently might seem to be hard times may someday, in hindsight, seem like “the good old days.”
When we first moved from the central coast of California to the sunny shores of Hawaii, I was miserable, and not just because I was physically ill during that move. I also was dreadfully homesick for the magical existence we had enjoyed in California, our wonderful church family there, and the closely-knit circle of friends who brought such happiness into our lives. Yet, only a few years later, I was to look back on that first year in Hawaii with a nostalgic longing for that time, too. Our sons were still very young, innocent and full of joy at whatever we shared as a family, no matter how modest, and the rainbows and plumeria and beaches were richly unique decorations in our lives.
Over the years and decades that followed, I noticed that this is a pattern in my life, as well as other people’s lives. When we are in the midst of a situation, we often don’t realize how good we have it, or how happy we really are; we take it for granted. Of course, from where I sit now, I can look back on even the most stressful and difficult times and think “yes, but at least I had Jeff to lean on then.” Then I have to wonder: what or who do I have in my life now, right this very minute, that I may one day look back on with this same longing for something that is no longer available to me?
Life brings all kinds of reversals, many of them sudden: the unexpected accident or loss of health, a job or financial security; the death of a friend or loved one; career changes that bring geographic separation from those we love. Other changes are more gradual: aging and the many small losses that go with it; declining energy and ability in our parents or ourselves; babies, and then grandchildren, who grow up and away from us, a little at a time.
No matter what is happening in your life right now, I can just about guarantee that there are some aspects of it you will one day look back on and miss. That’s what I keep trying to remind myself right now. If I get too mired in sorrow over Jeff’s physical absence, which cuts so deeply on a continual basis, I will be missing other blessings, beautiful gifts that I will later regret losing. So I coach myself, even in the pervasively numb disinterest I can’t seem to shake, to focus on all that remains.
“And this, too, shall pass away.” It’s both a blessing and a curse, but if we are mindful of the two-edged nature of time’s relentless pace, we will appreciate all that we still have. Look around you today. What gifts are yours in the here and now?
This post was first published seven years and two days ago. I apologize for being late with re-posting it this week. I seem to be running behind with things on a continual basis lately. Still, I was only recently reminding myself of the ideas contained in this post. I was thanking God for all that remains to me right now, knowing that precious gifts can be suddenly and unexpectedly snatched away. If the past twelve years have taught me anything, they have certainly taught me that.
The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.
Defeat Despair 
Hi Julia,
Wow, it’s hard to believe seven years have passed since this post! Still poignant as ever! With me, and I’m sure many other readers, much has changed. Still, the blessing of a new day merits my thankfulness, and my attention. And, of course, you are still in our lives. One thing that hasn’t ‘passed’ is my continued prayers for you, and Matt. Whatever your days hold, I pray you can see blessings unfold before you. 🌻
Chris, thank you so much for your faithful presence here and your continued prayers. Matthew and I both appreciate it!
Good morning, Julia!
Lately, I’ve been more aware of moments. With so much going on, my dad continually in decline and my mom moving from dismayed to disbelieving to saddened to hopeful and back again throughout the weeks and months, there are still moments. With other disappointments and tax season and missing my children or worrying about them, there are still moments.
There are moments when I remind myself that This Moment is Perfect.
In these moments, I’m neither hungry, nor sick, nor too cold or too warm. I’m breathing, I’m upright (usually), and nothing hurts. Sometimes the sun is shining on me, and other times I’m exhausted and climbing into my soft cozy bed. Each of these moments is still perfect it is own way.
I’m praying for you, Julia.
Thank you, Susan, for your prayers and for these reminders. I have made a real effort, not only to recognize the precious moments that are passing, but to create more of them. I know it’s hard to walk through those difficult last years with beloved parents, but I appreciate your care for them. You will always be happy for every moment you were able to be there when they needed you.