You won’t be the same
On April 3, 2004, this supercell thunderstorm dropped 2″ diameter hail over Chaparral, N.M. causing widespread damage. Even so, the sun broke through those formidable clouds.
Photo by Greg Lundeen, public domain via Wikimedia Commons.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ― Haruki Murakami
There’s an old saying that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. I’ve never been particularly fond of that quote, and to this day I’m not sure I believe it. Speaking strictly for myself, I feel weaker than I’ve ever felt. But if that old saying is true, and if I survive the past five years with my sanity intact, surely I will be a female Hercules.
Until this most recent storm is resolved, it’s probably best not to discuss it here. Let’s just say that there is very little chance that Matt and I can hold onto even what currently remains of our life as it once was. Change– seismic, inevitable change– seems to be hitting us with overpowering force. Stay tuned and I’ll keep you updated. For now, though, please accept my deepest gratitude for being with us through all this. And please keep those prayers coming!
If you are facing unwanted changes right now, I hope you will grit your teeth and hang on. And if you are not, just wait awhile; sooner or later, it hits all of us. Let’s be strong for each other and keep believing that despair can be defeated, and one day it will be. For good.
For those who may be interested, the full video of Jeff’s burial ceremony
is available for viewing online at this link.
This post was first re-published seven years ago today. Reading over it, I am stunned at the thought of how much grief and trauma still lay ahead for me on pretty much a continual basis in the coming years, even when I thought things could not be much worse. For me, the storm was certainly NOT over. And I’m starting to think it really never will be. It’s a blessing we don’t know what the future holds, and I’m afraid even to think of it. But my survival amazes me now even more than it did then. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and hoping that the worst is behind Matthew and me. But I try not to think too much about it either way.
The link to Jeff’s funeral video is still active. There’s a nice intro that lasts less than a minute, in case you want to watch it but don’t have much time.
The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.
Defeat Despair 