If you can wait
Photos from Unsplash; photographers, clockwise from upper left:
Anaya Katlego, Mohammad Gh, Tom Morel, and Vidar Nordli-Mathisen
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise… — Rudyard Kipling
If I had to name my top five favorite poems, “If” by Kipling would definitely make the cut. Every line is challenging and full of manifest wisdom. Though I have loved the poem since my youth, I find that different lines of it are most applicable to me at various times in my life. The verse above, however, has remained relevant for as long as I can remember.
Can you imagine how the world might be transformed if everyone– leaders, politicians, executives, family, clergy, entry-level clerks, students, even children– lived up to the principles contained in just these four lines? While each of these lines sets a high standard, the fourth is perhaps the most challenging of all. How difficult it is to remain humble while refusing to return evil for evil! How hard it is to remain ethical in a corrupt world, without inspiring resentment and jealousy in those who project their own manipulative tendencies onto the action of others.
According to almost anyone’s reckoning, time passes ever more swiftly, yet we grow increasingly impatient at even the slightest bit of waiting. Surely the waiting Kipling refers to here would be measured in weeks, months, maybe even years. Often, though, I don’t even want to wait a day for something I deem important or time-sensitive.
During the years since Jeff died, no small part of my sadness and agitation are the result of grief taking far longer to heal than I had expected it to take. Many days– maybe most of them– I have to remind myself to focus on just the day or hour right in front of me. My mind, though not what it once was, seems agile and demanding compared to my aging joints and exhausted limbs.
Growing older can bring with it a sense of urgency as the sun sinks gradually into the horizon of our long term picture, but the ability to wait gracefully becomes even more important than it was in our youth. As I look to my third full year of widowhood, my resolution (to the extent that I have one at all) can be captured in Kipling’s words above. I want to wait patiently, without agitation. I don’t want to give in to the liars and haters. I want to stay humble and grateful, short on advice and long on understanding. If I can manage all that, I won’t need to worry about much else.
As you look toward 2019, what aspirations fill your heart? Whatever they may be, I wish for all of us a year of greater peace, fewer distractions and abundant joy.
This post was first published seven years ago today. As I look toward the tenth full year of being without Jeff, not to mention another year without Daddy, Mama, Carla or Al, everything I wrote in this post still describes my enduring aspiration.
The blog is not designed for viewing on cell phones, but you can get a less distorted version of the photos if you click on the “view on blog” link at the top right of the screen. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, at the individual post views. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.
- Posted in: Uncategorized
- Tagged: aging, determination, gratitude, humility, joy, New Year, patience, peace, resolution, serenity, truth, waiting
Defeat Despair 
Happy New Year Julia as we take our friendship into another New Year. I continue being thankful for the friendship, words shared and a bond that’s unlike any other friendship that I have. Bill and I recently spoke of the trip we made to attend Jeff’s funeral, the beautiful service, the snow and that we felt we must be there for you and for Jeff. In our own way, different as it may have been, we knew and loved you and your family across the miles. Our Verandah still calls us to meet, and I cherish every visit! I sure love you and Matt! Happy New Year to you and yours!
Thank you, Sheila! I am so happy you and Bill were able to attend Jeff’s funeral. It was and is part of the foundation of mutual understanding we’ve always shared. Hard to believe it was nearly nine years ago. I’m enjoying some tea on the Verandah. We might need to move things indoors temporarily if the monster snowstorm hits, but as we’ve always known, the Verandah is a state of mind! Hope 2026 is full of blessings for you, us, and all the Defeat Despair family!
Good morning, Julia!
2025 was a tough year for me. Dad died, Mom moved to assisted living, and to cap it off, on December 30th, I rear-ended a Tesla. (Not hard, but braking had no effect on glare ice near an intersection.)
I am happy that I am no longer waiting for 2025 to be over! I am also looking at taking some classes this year, instead of waiting until I retire. This week I finally started working out a bit in the mornings again. I feel like I was doing nothing except working, waiting for “more time” to do things. But the only thing that waiting was getting for me was more wrinkles and stiffer joints.
I guess we will see how 2026 goes for me.
Happy New Year!
Susan, so sorry you had a “fender bender” to end what was already a tough year. I find that I drive less and less the older I get, and I’m thankful for the convenience of Uber when I need it. I think you’re wise to start NOW to build for retirement. Many years ago, before Jeff died or we even knew he was sick, I shared with him an article I read that said his (my) generation had been pretty good about planning financially for retirement, but not good at all in planning emotionally for it. It advised building many interests to take into retirement years, and that’s what you’re doing now. Here’s hoping 2026 is a kinder, gentler year for you!
Thank you!
Yes, I am not emotionally prepared to retire. I’m supposed to be looking forward to it, right?
Well, with an upcoming gig in California, I’m glad I didn’t retire prematurely!
Susan, I doubt that you’ll have some of the problems these authors were worried about (such as finding constructive ways to use your time). You have many interests to enjoy, but meanwhile you can make the best of some interesting opportunities while you’re still working.
After much waiting and hard work, it is nearly time for your graduation from Oxford!
In these early days of 2026, my bsci.com address is disconnected until my contract is resumed. I’ll send you an email from my next-best (most likely to be seen) email so that you have that, too.
Love and Blessings!
Thanks, Susan! I’ll look for the email. Still not sure which of the two graduation dates (March or May) I’ll plan to attend, but I’m leaning toward May. I can say honestly that I don’t miss the pressure of assignments, deadlines and daily work that came along with school, but I’m afraid I’m growing LAZY now that I’m finished. I vacillate between telling myself that I’m old enough to enjoy being a bit lazy if I want, and reminding myself that I’d better do anything I “always wanted to do” while I still can. I’ve just returned from back-to-back overseas trips (to the Netherlands in December and Australia for the first half of January) and while I loved both adventures, I’m definitely feeling a difference at my age now than even 10 or 15 years ago…
Julia, I think I’m feeling a difference in my age relative to just 3 years ago!
And I’m trying not to panic at the many things I’ve wanted to do and haven’t yet done.
I’ve found that the changes seem to be accelerating with each year. I’ve grown to accept it and adjust my expectations.