To trade places
Us near our home in Hawaii,1994, around the time of Matt’s second open heart surgery.
It’s hard to imagine now, but even there, we faced hard times and low moods.
“Today you will be tempted to feel sorry for yourself. Don’t! Lots of people would love to trade places with you. Before you get down in the dumps over whatever is bothering you, read today’s obituaries to see how many people younger than you died yesterday, or visit the burn or stroke rehab center at a local hospital.” — Rubel Shelly
We’ve heard similar sentiments before, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still need to be reminded. No matter how blessed we are, it’s far too easy to indulge in self-pity sometimes.
For example, during our years in Hawaii, there were lots of people who said they envied our being able to live in what they thought of as paradise. Some may have thought they would have traded places with us. But those were very difficult years in many respects, and I know I felt sorry for myself occasionally. From where I sit now, though, I naturally wonder how I ever did.
In fact, most of us, if we were able to travel back in time and visit a younger version of ourselves at a time when we were feeling low, would say, “Don’t! Someday you will realize more fully what you have right now. You won’t always have it.” Yet even at this moment, some future self probably could be saying that same thing to us today. For better or worse, today might be as good as it gets, and I want to make the most of it and not to look back with regret.
The trouble with self-pity is the first part of the term: self. There are a number of research studies documenting the positive effects of volunteer work in forestalling or improving depression, particularly among older people. Among many seemingly obvious reasons for this, it surely must be beneficial to re-focus and turn our thoughts and efforts away from our individual cares.
When we are active in faith or community groups, we become involved in the lives of other people. We learn to realize that almost nobody has it easy in this life. Even when our personal challenges are more burdensome than average, those difficulties are often inextricably linked to blessings we would not choose to be without.
I hope today is a happy one for you, with no reasons at all to feel sorry about anything. But if you find yourself feeling low, remember how many people, all over the world and throughout the centuries, would love to be in your shoes.
This post was first published seven years ago today. Reading over it now, I can’t help but think of how true it was then. I was already a widow, but my sister was still alive, filling my days with unwavering support and fun, and many other harrowing experiences and losses were still to come. So I remind myself to enjoy today, while I still have so many blessings that may not always be with me. And there will always be those who would love to trade places with me…and with you, too.
The blog is not designed for viewing on cell phones, but you can get a less distorted version of the photos if you click on the “view on blog” link at the top right of the screen. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, at the individual post views. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.
- Posted in: Uncategorized
- Tagged: awareness, faith, gratitude, mindfulness, others, outreach, perspective, re-focus, self, self-pity, understanding
Defeat Despair 
It’s true Julia. How often have we been not at our best and thought about another taking some comfort thinking they’re worse off than me.
Some of our ills are of a physical malady that can be remedied with the proper medication. But others are maladies of the mind instigated by unfounded fears which often is remedied by a good kick in the pants.
We can often solve our own problems by moving our inward focus to an outside one. Take one’s mind off of me and place it on thee.
In no way am I making little of emotional or mental illness. But ills motivated by fear alone needs to be addressed by crowding out fear and replacing it with love through charity.
Get involved with some project helping others in denial of self. It can be with the elderly or with children in any capacity. There is enough help needed to go around. And in the process of helping another you will help yourself. Simply because you’re needed. It’s easier to disappoint oneself than another.
As the saying goes, it couldn’t hurt.
-Alan
Alan, I totally agree. I’m old enough to remember when most of the people I knew– some of whom endured almost unimaginable sorrows, such as the loss of multiple children, or being widowed very early with young children and no income– simply went about their lives bravely and found ways to survive. And almost always, they continued to give as they were able, in various ways. Faith played the biggest role in the lives I’m remembering.
Good morning, Julia! Seeing the photo and reading your post this morning reminds me of when Mom lost Dad and was thinking of moving back up north, where she would be cold much of the year. When I gently reminded / inquired of her regarding doing life without Dad, and why she would want to leave her friends for life without Dad in a cold place instead of a warm place, she said, “well, when you look at it like that ….” and opted for warm. She has always hated the cold and complained about it. Of course, this was before we knew that she was suffering from dementia and how quickly her life would become so much smaller, staying indoors almost all the time except for doctor’s appointments.
Sometimes I take a breath, look around, and think how for just that particular moment, everything is perfect. It’s easiest if I’m warm, the weather is fine, or I’m playing with a catten (Spartacus the cat or Betty the kitten). A moment not thinking about taxes or home repairs, or obligations or dinner.
You are absolutely right. I have it good. I think of the Psalm passage, “The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places.”
Susan, almost all of us who can find much of which to complain, can find even more in which to rejoice. Easier said than done sometimes, but almost always true, at least among the people I know personally.