A friend who cares
Drew snapped this photo of Roger, Tammy, Reneé and me,
just after we got the good news that Jeff’s initial surgery had gone well. May 2013
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen
On May 16, three people spent over six hours on the road, braving the legendary traffic of the DC area. They came from southeastern Virginia to Bethesda, Maryland to sit with Drew and me through the long hours of Jeff’s liver resection. It was a risky surgery that would involve more complications than we had anticipated, and aside from these three people, no one else was with us that day. Each of them, in different ways and at different times, has been there for us in the past, when we needed help that only they would give. And here they were again, with us on a crucial day, showing us that we mattered to them.
Roger is our minister from our Newport News church; Tammy is a dear friend and neighbor who feels more like family; Reneé is the dynamo who leaves such generous comments for me on this blog. She understands so much of my life because she has been in my shoes as few others have, and has shown me that it’s possible not only to survive, but to thrive.
These friends are close to us because of our shared faith, but also because over the years, they have cared for us in ways that set them apart. In being with us yet again on that long day, they have given me a gift of strength that has remained with me for days and weeks since. I draw comfort from looking at the photos of us taken that day, even as we continue to endure the long and uneven process of Jeff’s recovery, the outcome of which is still frighteningly uncertain, and seems to grow more worrisome each day. I will always be grateful that these special folks set aside an entire day to be with us in trying circumstances.
Let’s take a few minutes today to be thankful for those faithful friends who are willing to stay beside us during our most difficult hours. Life brings us all sorts of acquaintances who bless us in various ways, but it’s hard to imagine how we would survive without those very special individuals who are not afraid of the dark. Our gratitude goes out today to all who share sorrows as well as joys; may the compassion you show to others return to you a hundredfold.
God’s handwriting
The waterfront at Bar Harbor, Maine, June 2012
“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting – a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.” —Charles Kingsley
Travel is one of my favorite ways of searching for lovely sights, but it’s not necessary to be in a gorgeous town such as Bar Harbor to catch glimpses of beauty. As Kingsley’s quote implies, it’s all around us if we welcome it.
Two practices have helped me feed my soul with beauty: walking, and taking photos. With the advent of digital photography, taking pictures is practically as inexpensive as walking. I hope you will welcome beauty wherever you find it, but today I especially encourage you to wander outdoors in search of “wayside sacraments” that are easy to miss in the rush of everyday life.
If you have a digital camera, try taking a few photos of what you find. You might be surprised how good a photographer you can be! But if you’d rather not take photos with a camera, take them with your eyes and memory. May we all cherish this “cup of blessing” that will lift our spirits, spark our creativity and energize our minds.
The celebration
Jeff and I celebrated our 20th anniversary by cruising Alaska with our sons in June 2000.
“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” — Paul Sweeney
This month, Jeff and I celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary. Without question the past year has been the most difficult and challenging time we have ever faced together, but the “together” part made it easier to bear.
Jeff and I both like Sweeney’s quote, and feel it’s an apt description of marriage. However, we cannot define what the “varied order” of these traits has been for us during the past year. We have needed an abundance of all five, and not just for each other, but also for the many people who have been part of our lives before and after Jeff’s diagnosis. As we continue to pray for many more years together, we will rely on each of these qualities to navigate the uncertain road that lies ahead of us.
The past year has taught us the true meaning of the vows we took 33 years ago “for better or worse.” We are thankful that the worse is made better when endured with determination to live out the qualities Sweeney mentions.
June has long been a popular time for weddings, so perhaps many readers of this blog will be celebrating an anniversary this month. If so, congratulations! May you be blessed with many more happy milestones. But keep in mind that the qualities Sweeney lists are helpful for everyone, in all types of situations, not just in marriage. Love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity — in varying order of importance, depending on the circumstances — are a good foundation for any life. I wish you the best of each!
Whatever we lose
A path to the beach on Captiva Island, Florida, January 2013
“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves that we find in the sea”
—E. E. Cummings
I can scarcely remember a time when I went to the beach without these words from Cummings’ lovely poem running through my head. How simply and perfectly he captures the endless allure of the ocean!
I feel fortunate to have lived within an easy drive to the ocean for most of the past thirty years. But even when I cannot go there physically, the peace I have found at the seashore stays with me in memory. Perhaps that’s why I so love gathering seashells and pebbles made smooth by the water.
If you are unable to get to a beach today, maybe you can take a few minutes to go there in your imagination, aided by free downloads like this one or the one embedded below. Lots of similar sounds and videos are available free online – happy beachcombing!
Rejoicing that I’m still here
Daddy on his 80th birthday with his lifelong friend and fellow pilot,
my beloved “Uncle Tuffy” April 2008
“Getting older is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wake up every morning rejoicing that I’m still here with an opportunity to begin again and be better.”
— Oprah Winfrey
A long life is a decidedly mixed blessing. Those of us who make it to our eighth and ninth decades will do so enduring many losses: of our physical strength, of many of the people we love best, and of the world as it was for most of our lives. Still, I appreciate Winfrey’s take on getting older, and I think it can apply to all of us, no matter our age.
What a gift it is to be alive and start a new day! I have never seen this gift with more clarity than I do after the past six months. I hope you will join me in resolving to regard life as the blessing it is, regardless of the pains that come along with it. Today is a precious opportunity, one I am determined not to squander.
Blinking once-sealed eyes
The baby robins open their eyes and prepare for rapid growth, May 2005
“I do not know what I am doing. But just like a baby bird, I am blinking once-sealed eyes and unfolding damp wings.” —Julie Gregory
No matter how old we grow, life forces us to keep learning. Sometimes it helps to re-frame even the most difficult experiences as opportunities to increase our competence, tenacity or courage. When the full force of Jeff’s stage IV diagnosis came crashing down on our heads, there was a period of shock and grief, and then a tentative, logical period of weighing options and making plans for various scenarios.
During this time I gradually became aware of the many things in our personal histories that had prepared us for navigating these ominous passages. Jeff had extensive experience and training, up through the post-doctoral level, as a military medical officer whose responsibilities went far beyond that of the typical dentist. In a general way he knew a good bit about what would be facing him. I had worked as an administrative assistant in an NIH-funded brain tumor study at the medical center where Jeff went to dental school, and much of the lingo, practices and atmosphere of the chemotherapy clinic were familiar to me. Most significantly, for over 27 years we had been riding the waves of Matt’s major surgeries and ongoing medical challenges.
At one point I told Jeff and others close to me, “We have been preparing for this situation for 27 years.” It’s true that the obstacles facing us are very different than anything we’ve faced before, with unprecedented potential consequences. But remembering what we’ve already been through has helped us muster the confidence, however shaky, that we can and will get through this together.
Whatever obstacles lie ahead of you, chances are you have somehow been prepared for it in at least a few ways, whether or not you feel conscious of it. As the baby bird struggles through growth guided mostly by instinct, I hope you will reach back into your inner resources and reassure yourself that you have what it takes to find the right direction and make it through the often-frightening learning curve ahead. As lonely as it may feel, others have walked the path before you, and emerged victorious. Vaya con Dios!
Produced in a garden
The St. John City Market, New Brunswick, Canada, September 2007
“For all things produced in a garden, whether of salads or fruits, a poor man will eat better that has one of his own, than a rich man that has none.” — J. C. Loudon
We are now approaching the time of year when those of us just coming out of springtime will soon be able to enjoy fresh, locally grown produce. As fortunate as we are to be able to buy almost anything we want shipped in year round, there’s nothing like eating something that was very recently harvested to add a new dimension to understanding the word “fresh.”
Ripe fruit has an appeal to me that rivals any confection, and when I keep it on hand, washed, sliced and ready to eat, I’m less tempted by cookies and ice cream. Most vegetables are an acquired taste for me, as they may be for you, but corn on the cob, tomatoes and lima beans have always been among my favorite foods. The first time I grew my own backyard tomato and tasted the difference between it and one from the supermarket, I remembered why I had loved the tomatoes that came from Mom’s garden.
How lucky that these earthy treats are also super-nutritious for us! I wish for you a season of abundant, delicious produce, from your own garden, a market or a nearby roadside stand. As Loudon knew, it’s an unparalleled form of wealth and health.
The true traveler
Jeff, Matt and Drew strolling in Philadelphia, July 2007
“The true traveler is he who goes on foot, and even then, he sits down a lot of the time.” — Colette
Of all the reasons I love walking, travel may be the most lasting. I have done a good bit of traveling since I was a girl, and as far back as I can remember, the most remarkable things I saw were seen on foot and not through the window of a tour bus. I am fascinated by the accounts of those who traverse a country or even a continent on foot. I think it would be wonderful to have that much time to simply take in new surroundings every day.
Of course, as Colette points out, part of the secret lies in taking the time. Very few of us will be able to spend a month or even a week traveling on foot, but I encourage you to experiment with walking at times you might normally drive or ride. You’ll see things in a whole new way, and you might even find interesting discoveries that await, now unknown to you, just outside your front door, down your street or in your home town.
A palace untouched
This December 2002 photo of sea anemones from the Monterey Aquarium
is one of the first digital photos I ever took.
“A palace untouched by human hand, with its gardens of rock and water where living creatures play the part of flowers…” — Philippe Diole
Reading descriptions of the form and function of the sea anemone brings to mind horror movies or frightful science fiction. “Venom-filled tentacles…harpoon-like filament…paralyzing neurotoxin…helpless prey.” Really? But look how beautiful they are. Which somehow makes them even more eerie.
I prefer to think of them in the far more appealing terms used by Diole. These creatures certainly do appear to play the undersea part of the flowers for which they were named, and I’m thankful to be able to see them in all their colorful glory…through the thick glass of an aquarium tank. Diole and his colleague, Jacques-Yves Cousteau, have given us a front row seat to some of the most amazing phenomena of nature, sans discomfort, expense or danger on our part.
Every day we benefit from the daring and diligence of bold explorers and the conscientious curators of their discoveries. I hope you will make time soon to browse through a big colorful book, or maybe even visit a museum, to enjoy the wonders of environments far different from the ones with which you’re familiar.
Irrevocably a reader
Drew and Matt in 1991, very different minds but both irrevocable readers.
“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.”
— Alberto Manguel
It’s never to late to have this magical instant happen in your life. It doesn’t matter if you were a poor reader in school. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t the academic star. It doesn’t matter if your present circumstances are limited. Reading can soothe or stimulate your mind, feed your imagination and set you free from isolation, boredom and despair. If you can read these words, you can open the door to visit new universes. What a magnificent gift; an unparalleled opportunity to grow. Go for it!
Make them carry you
A windmill at Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia, August 2005
“If the winds of fortune are temporarily blowing against you, remember that you can harness them and make them carry you toward your definite purpose, through the use of your imagination.” — Napoleon Hill
Windmills are a visually appealing reminder that forces beyond our control can be turned to good purpose. Wind-driven machines have been around in some form for centuries, in many different parts of the world. Over time they evolved to become increasingly sophisticated and efficient at grinding grain and pumping water. Their value grew with these refinements until new technologies rendered them largely obsolete.
I can’t help but wonder whether any of today’s innovations will ever appear as quaint and decorative as the historic windmills that survive today, some of which have been restored to functional operation. Next time you see a windmill, let it remind you of what is possible when we learn to manage and adapt to uncontrollable circumstances, turning random or unpredictable events into opportunities for healing and growth.
Daylight in the mind
I photographed these sunflowers at Mission San Juan Capistrano in July 2004
“Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind, and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.” — Joseph Addison
Have you ever had one of those days when you felt angry at the world? Maybe even for no particular reason? It’s awful to be caught in that cycle of negativity that seems to just spiral down, down, down. At such times, perhaps a bit of forced cheerfulness would help.
Easier said than done, of course, but at least there are plenty of ways to deliberately elevate the mood. Unfortunately, we sometimes choose the wrong refuge when we feel out of sorts. I think it’s wise to make some premeditated decisions about how to handle– or NOT handle– your next episode of doom, gloom, or discontent.
Bad idea: collapse in front of the TV and zone out on whatever it sends your way: noisy commercials, depressing re-runs, or overly dramatized “tragic news!”
Good idea: choose a funny video to watch, do a word search for “hilarious pet videos” on YouTube, or look at some of the happiest photos you can find.
Bad idea: consume an entire bag of chips, box of donuts, or carton of ice cream (eating directly out of the container, of course)
Good idea: savor a cup of coffee or tea, a piece of fruit, or a single really delicious piece of chocolate
Bad idea: complain, procrastinate, and generally wallow in the muddy mire of your worst circumstances
Good idea: take a walk with some energetic tunes on your portable player, dance to some funky music, or tackle a project you’ve been avoiding and promise yourself a reward when you finish – then DO it!
If it’s a dark and stormy night in your mind, remember that you have the power to switch on the daylight. It may feel awkward and fake at first, but chances are you really will end up in a happier place than when you started. Send me a smile!
The incubator of the spirit
The Lincoln Memorial provides a space for solitude in crowded DC, April 2012
“The great omission in American life is solitude; not loneliness, for this is an alienation that thrives most in the midst of crowds, but that zone of time and space, free from the outside pressures, which is the incubator of the spirit.”
— Marya Mannes
I relish solitude, but loneliness is one of the most painful emotions I know of. It’s tricky at times to figure out where the difference lies, but I think loneliness comes over us when we feel as if no one understands, knows or cares about what we are experiencing. When I maintain ties to people I love– which takes mutual time and effort– I can experience endless hours of solitude and love every minute.
Perhaps solitude is increasingly omitted from American life partly because most of us do fear loneliness. But ironically, as Mannes points out, loneliness is never more troublesome than when we feel it in the midst of a crowd.
I believe that part of the allure of the admittedly risky profusion of online social networking lies in the ability to connect to others with whom we share common thoughts, impressions and emotions. While online contact can never take the place of face-to-face interaction, it does allow us to gather into “tribes” of other humans who have similar interests, burdens, challenges or goals. This sharing adds a wonderful dimension to life for many of us who connect through words and photos.
Still, it’s important to leave “that zone of time and space” apart from the noise of life. Many of us are fortunate to have spouses, friends or family members who understand and honor our need for solitude. With such companions, or alone, I hope you will find some time and space today for your spirit to be nourished by quiet.
Joy untroubled
Mama’s cockatiel, Pumpkin, loved to eat off Daddy’s plate. August 2005
“Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I don’t know of anything that can lighten the mood as much as a cute or playful animal. I realize many situations make it impossible to have a pet in the home, but I hope everyone has the chance to make friends with at least one or two animals, even if you have to visit other people’s pets. The therapeutic effect of interacting with an animal can cut through stress with a relaxing joy not found anywhere else.
During the long months of Jeff’s chemotherapy, we would occasionally have delightful visits with some of the therapy dogs that work at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda. The dogs were polite and well trained, really impressive with their obedience to their handlers and their sociable approaches to each person in the room. Seeing the dogs in their military garb (wearing camouflage jackets with ranks and other insignias) always brought a smile to our faces. They spread cheer to so many people facing illness and sorrow.
Your animal friends might be wild birds and squirrels, farm chickens, sheep or goats, or a household bird, fish, cat, or dog. Whatever creature you choose (or whatever chooses you), I wish you the peace, comfort, laughter and fun of watching an animal today.
Related Posts
Flowers are the music
A garden at the Edelweiss Lodge, Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany, August 2005
“Flowers are the music of the ground…” — Edwin Curran
For many Americans my age or older, it’s almost impossible to visit the Bavarian Alps without remembering the opening scenes from the movie The Sound of Music. So Curran’s quote seemed appropriate for this photo of a garden in Garmisch-Partenkirchen. If you’ve ever been to Bavaria in the summer, you know that the hills and villages really are alive, and not just with the sound of music, but also the sight of it. Seemingly everywhere, there are symphonies of flowers in all colors, decorating buildings with charming window boxes, and lining the walkways with bright borders.
The breathtaking Alpine views would be gorgeous enough without added beauty, but the locals must have been so inspired by living amid such scenery that they have created towns that complement rather than detract from the natural splendor. The picturesque shutters and balconies of the chalets are a perfect enhancement to the stunning backdrop of the mountains. But it’s the flowers that bring the scenes to life, completing the fairy-tale enchantment of this beautiful part of the world.
Flowers add visual music everywhere, of course. What are your local flowers playing today? Take some time to enjoy “listening” to their songs!
Related Posts:
The cure for anything
A beach in Barbados, one of my favorite islands, March 2010.
“The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea.” —Isak Dinesen
The more I think about Dinesen’s quote, the more true it seems. Not that I’m fond of sweat or tears, but I have lived long enough to know that both are usually beneficial, no matter how unwelcome. But the sea? Now that’s my kind of cure.
There’s no place on earth where I more easily forget what time it is, where I slip so quickly into some alternate reality in which nothing that seemed important before can interest me more than wondering what might wash up with the very next wave. Heedless of the ticking clock, of gradual sunburn or the endless to-do list waiting for me at home, I usually have to be dragged away by some practical companion (and we all know who he is) who realizes when not enough is too much.
I don’t even swim well, and rarely go more than ankle-deep into the waves, but I could walk along the shoreline for hours and never tire of it, or lie basking in the sun’s glow, with a soft breeze keeping me cool enough to want to stay just one more hour.
Once when I was very young, my sister showed me how you could hold a large shell up to your ear and hear the sound of the ocean. I don’t even need the shell to do that anymore. I can just close my eyes for a few seconds and be there in my imagination. Try it — and take the cure!
A special thanks:
Today is my 200th daily post. Over six months ago I wondered how I would survive all the bad news we were getting, but this blog has been crucial to my ability to keep coping with everything we have dealt with and will be dealing with in the months to come. I am so grateful for our shared awareness of how many reasons we have to be thankful.
Thanks so much to all readers for your kinds words, prayers, comments, and visits here. You are a blessing to us!
Their courage
In memory of Earl Glenn Cobeil, my April 2012 visit to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
“The brave die never, though they sleep in dust:
Their courage nerves a thousand living men.” — Minot J. Savage
In April 2012, I planned to take some visiting relatives to Washington DC, where they would spend the day sightseeing. I decided that, after dropping them off in town, I would stop by Arlington National Cemetery, where a good friend of ours was interred in 2011. I also wanted to visit the grave of Earl Glenn Cobeil, whose POW bracelet I had worn while I was in high school.
In the decades since I first wept over the news that Colonel Cobeil had died in captivity, I had often sought information about him but still knew very little. On one of my visits to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial (known as “The Wall”) I had learned a few facts, including the notation that he was buried at Arlington, so I wanted to find out where his grave would be. Before leaving home that day, I made what I thought would be a brief search online to find his grave’s location.
In searching for this information, I came across the devastating truth about the savage and unrelenting torture that had led to his death. A long-buried grief stabbed at my heart again as I realized that my worst fears for this man had been less horrible than what actually happened to him. The one bright spot amid this sorrow was the discovery of contact information for his family. I resolved to write to them, and after visiting Arlington that day, walked across the bridge and into DC to The Wall.
Before taking a photo of his name there, I pulled out a tissue and polished the surface surrounding the engraved letters. A photographer with an SLR and a tripod approached me, telling me he had made “some really good photos” of me, apparently for a newspaper. I asked him if he would take a photo with my camera, and he agreed. “Touch the wall again,” he said, and I reached up and put my fingers under the name.
After taking the photo, he asked me why I was there; whether this was a family member or friend who was lost in the war. I explained to him about the POW bracelet I had worn, as had so many others in the late 60’s and early 70’s, and briefly described what I had just learned that day about how Colonel Cobeil died. I thanked him for his interest and for the photo. Later, I left this tribute at the Virtual Wall, one among many others for a man I never knew, but will never forget.
I did contact his wife Patricia, now remarried, and she called me. We had a wonderful conversation, as well as further written correspondence. In talking with her I mused that, during the years I wore the bracelet, I could never have imagined that I myself would someday be married to an Air Force Colonel. What I also never imagined was the heartbreaking news Jeff and I would soon receive about his stage IV cancer. During the very difficult early days of coming to terms with his grim prognosis and the hard battle that lay ahead for him, the courage of Colonel and Mrs. Cobeil was an inspiration and source of strength to me.
Today, I hope we all will take time to remember the brave sacrifices of countless people whose names and faces we will never know, as well as those we have loved who are no longer here with us on earth. May their legacy live on in those of us who have been blessed by their example.
More than logical
Drew and Matt at the FDR Memorial in Washington DC, December 2004
“If we were logical, the future would be bleak, indeed. But we are more than logical. We are human beings, and we have faith, and we have hope…” — Jacques Yves Cousteau
I’m a great fan of logic. My highest scores on the GRE and other standardized tests were always in the “analytical thinking” category. Nevertheless, I agree with Cousteau that life would be bleak indeed if we were bound by the limits of our own reasoning, which is often flawed or incomplete.
This is not to imply that faith and hope are exclusive of reason; it simply means that logic will only take us so far. In times of sorrow or despair, I’ve found that logic often reinforces my grief, especially when there are overwhelming and unavoidable circumstances playing havoc with my soul. At such times, faith and hope become essential to survival.
Beyond mere survival, however, faith and hope provide the energy and incentive to keep moving forward through an uncertain future. As Cousteau suggests, these qualities have enabled progress throughout human history, and will continue to be indispensable.
If you are facing difficulties or sorrows today, I wish you the faith and hope to look beyond the bleak realities that trouble you, and to believe that better days lie ahead. Reach out for the prayers and encouragement of others, here or elsewhere, and offer your support to people you know who may be struggling. Together, we can overcome.
A walk will do more good
My friend Kathy and I enjoyed an afternoon walk at the Arch in St. Louis, April 2008.
“A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.” — Paul Dudley White
My own experience bears out the truth of Dr. White’s observation. I can’t say enough about how much walking helps me. It clears my over-stimulated brain, lifts my spirits and puts me in contact with my neighbors and my neighborhood. When I’m traveling, it shows me more about the place I am visiting than any tour ever could. It gives me time to enjoy music or books in audio format, and I’ve listened to unabridged versions of literally hundreds of books on my walks.
Besides all this, walking has helped keep my weight down, my cholesterol and blood sugar levels lower (I was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago) and has helped to remedy my lifelong problems with insomnia. And it actually ends up saving me a good bit of gas money when I regularly choose to walk to close destinations such as shops, the post office or the grocery store.
I didn’t start with five miles, of course. I started with one to two miles and worked up as I felt the immense benefits. Now it’s an important part of every day for me. Time rarely allows me more than two or three miles anymore, but I hope to work back up to five daily someday.
If you are among those of us who dislike weightlifting, gyms and exercise machines, try walking. For me, it’s been easier to stick to than any other form of exercise. It’s one of those rare opportunities to have great fun while improving my physical, mental and financial health. Spring is a great time get started!
The promise of the city
Here I am in the heart of Manhattan, loving every minute. May 2007
“…in New York I am always wondering, ‘Who are you?’ and it is the promise of the city with its many stories that keeps me coming back like an avid reader dazzled by the library shelves.” — Julia Cameron
I have always loved New York, even back in the 70’s when it wasn’t doing so well. The first few times I went there, part of the fun was seeing so many of the things I’d read about for years. But mostly, the sheer density of it amazed me. People, businesses, buildings were packed together so tightly that the same bookstores and coffee shop chains would have establishments only blocks apart. Everything was moving, alive. The diversity of sights and sounds was stimulating, and the discoveries engaging and delightful.
Cities seem to be growing more and more like each other now, with large chains swallowing up the local businesses and obliterating their unique personalities. But there are still things that can be seen and experienced only in New York. It may have been bumped down the list somewhat on my roster of favorite destinations, but every time I go there, I fall in love with it again.
If you’re living in a city or visiting there today, I hope you have a fabulous day full of the sort of energy generated by urban rhythms. If you are far from the city, try channeling at least a bit of its wonderful intensity to jump-start your imagination and productivity. Thanks to technology, we can bring at least some of the excitement to wherever we happen to be.
But then you read
Aboard the Celebrity Summit in March 2011, our cabin was near this lovely little library.
“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.” — James Baldwin
Although it took me quite awhile to realize it, I connect with people primarily through reading and writing. Even as a child I wrote long letters to friends, and had pen pals who lived close enough that we could have talked on the phone for free (even back in the days when long distance was EXPENSIVE). But talking on the phone was not the same as reading or writing a letter. And there was nothing in the world like reading a book.
No matter how strange or different I felt, when I read books I knew I was not alone. That’s why I identified so deeply with this quote from Baldwin. Books for me were and are a safe place, where I can encounter a new idea and ponder it without being immediately questioned or asked to respond. It is also wonderful to feel as if I know people who lived decades and even centuries ago, just by reading their heartfelt words. There are many authors, living or dead, who seem more familiar to me than some of the people I see on a weekly basis.
Written correspondence (online or via good old-fashioned snail mail) has something magical about it; there are no distracting facial expressions or vocal tones to color the meaning of the words, and this is a tricky thing that can work for or against us. For that reason, I think we tend to take a bit more care with what we write than we do with what we say. That’s not to say that written words cannot be vicious or defamatory, but when they are written, we can more easily destroy them or ignore them, and keep them at a distance. Likewise, when we read words that are wonderfully encouraging or inspiring, we can keep them and go back to them again and again, not relying on memory or video as we must with the spoken word.
I hope you will carve out some time, today and every day, to engage in at least some communication through reading or writing. May you find it as rewarding as I do!
An honor to live
To those who live and work nearby, Washington DC is ordinary and familiar. March 2013
“I am grateful for my daily life; it is an honor to live it. My day-to-day routine holds many mysteries, even though it has become ordinary and comfortable to me.”
— Steve Deger
No matter where we travel, Jeff and I always try to get off the tourist path for at least a few hours, and go where the locals go: the grocery stores and libraries and pubic transportation. It’s a source of unending fascination to me that people in contrasting locations and circumstances live lives that are strikingly familiar in many ways. How fun to imagine that people go about “normal” lives in places such as Paris, Bermuda, Alaska or the Caribbean. Yet many might find my life, dividing my time between two very different sorts of homes, to be somewhat exotic as well.
I know I might get an argument here, but I think each of us lives an interesting life. Even if there is nothing glamorous about one’s daily routine, it is completely unique, and that’s enough to make it interesting to me. The masters of art and literature evidently agree with me, because most of the greatest works, though set in different eras and locations, illuminate the lives of everyday people.
The author Jan Karon has said that she writes “to celebrate the extraordinary beauty of ordinary lives.” I love that thought. I find that same beauty in the countless blogs I have seen, each with something unique to offer. Today, I hope you will be able to recognize the poetry of your own existence, and treasure the honor of being able to live it.
The sense of the beautiful
I enjoyed the stunning portraiture of Annie Leibovitz in San Francisco, November 2003
“A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
In the centuries since Goethe penned this sound advice, it has become infinitely easier to do the things he suggests. In fact, one can do all of them in a short session at the computer. The problem we face today is sorting through all the wholesome and unwholesome distractions that threaten to derail our attention to the beautiful. Besides which, though the computer is definitely the most convenient way to enjoy great works, it can never replace the joy of physically strolling through a gallery, sitting in the audience at an orchestra or theater performance, or relaxing with a book of poetry in bed or in an outdoor setting.
In an age where people are given to neglecting the health of the body, it’s not surprising that nourishment of the mind and soul also languish. Just as our stomach sends us unmistakable messages that tell us when it’s time to eat, so the agitation and conflict we often feel tell us that we need to take time to feed our minds and our souls. I hope you will make time, today and every day, to heed your sense of the beautiful calling you to a higher awareness.
Expect nothing
These snapdragons weren’t supposed to come back, but they reappear every year. May 2013
“Expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise.” — Alice Walker
It may seem contradictory for a self-proclaimed optimist to quote Walker’s counsel to expect nothing, but there is very real difference between expectation and optimism. Admittedly, optimism involves some expectation, but it is mostly of a general sort. We expect that joy lies ahead if we are willing to cooperate by actively seeking for good. We expect that our faith will eventually be proven as well-founded. Beyond that, though, it’s a bit fuzzy.
If we expect a new car, a palatial home or always a little bit more than we currently have, optimism is crowded out by a feeling of entitlement. If we give our love with expectation of commensurate return, that’s a risky proposition at best. If we serve with the expectation of gratitude, our service will be more likely to taint our relationships with selfishness.
I’ve found that the most delightful gifts are those that are wholly unexpected. The snapdragons pictured above have become one of my favorite plants, primarily because they have come back again every year without my expecting it. When I bought that particular plant years ago, I was told it was an annual. I planted one or two six packs of tiny seedlings and figured I would enjoy them for a year at most.
The next year, two of them came back, a yellow one and this pink one. The yellow plant has barely hung on, flowering sparsely in recent years, but the pink one gets bigger, blooms earlier and lasts longer each year. Every year they come back, I count it an unexpected gift. There’s no more frugal surprise than a volunteer plant that returns to decorate our lives without added expense or effort.
Living frugally is its own reward, and as Walker affirms in her lovely poem linked above, the frugal life is full of charming surprises.
Mind and soul
A December 2004 photo of our National Cathedral, built in knowledge and reverence
“Let knowledge grow from more to more,
But more of reverence in us dwell;
That mind and soul, according well,
May make one music as before,
But vaster.” — Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Several miles from the palaces of knowledge found at the Smithsonian Institution, the Washington National Cathedral stands in a quiet residential area seldom congested with the throngs that crowd the monuments and museums. Its lovely architecture, stained glass and surrounding gardens offer a setting conducive to quiet contemplation, set apart from the hectic schedules and political battles of our nation’s capital.
Reverence is a quality that often seems in short supply. In contemporary movies and on television, God’s name is spoken primarily as a conversational byword, an exclamation of surprise or emphasis. But this disregard of spiritual sanctity does not bode well for our world. While it’s true that many evils have been perpetrated under the banner of false or misguided religion, human progress throughout history has been inextricably and undeniably bound up with deeds of courage and compassion enacted by people who lived by faith in a God of wisdom, justice and love.
I believe it’s a mistake to see faith and reason as mutually exclusive. Indeed, many of the greatest minds in history have described how their knowledge served only to deepen their faith. I am grateful today for the knowledge and reverence of those whose sacrificial devotion has made the world a better place for all of us. May we have the wisdom to rejoice that truth lives, despite all efforts to silence or destroy it.
Defeat Despair 