Our heart is not always able
In spite of my ceaseless flow of words, McCall Smith’s statement quoted above (as expressed in the thoughts of the winsome Mma. Ramotswe) is more true for me now than ever. As I write this, over a week has passed since my Daddy left behind his earthly existence, and my heart is overflowing with emotions it is unable to express.
There is sorrow, certainly, and a wistful longing for the ability to talk with Daddy, or get an email from him, or see one of his comments here at this blog, or be able, just one more time, to visit him and Mama together in their home. There are worries about how Mama will cope without him, as he was her constant caregiver during the past decade, and her husband, through good times and bad, for over 66 years.
But beyond the sorrow and worry, eclipsing all the painful feelings, is a deep sense of gratitude and wonder. Alongside my appreciation of the long and meaningful life Daddy lived, there is abundant joy and thankfulness for the love and support of friends and extended family. I am humbled and amazed at how the readers of this blog have become a living demonstration of one of Daddy’s greatest lessons to me: that the comforting presence of loved ones does not depend on geographic proximity, and friendship transcends earthly barriers.
Last night I read through some of the many cards that have been sent to me by readers of this blog. Each was unique and so full of the sender’s generous soul that it was almost like a quick visit with a dear friend who gave me a hug of reassurance that said “we are here for you, and we care.” Likewise, the many comments and emails, public and private, have been a constant source of support since Daddy died. In a very real sense, I was sustained by your prayers and warm wishes and expressions of consolation, and I am grateful to you all, more grateful than words can say.
Thus, as Mma. Ramotswe realized, my heart holds more than this post can possibly contain, so I will have to content myself with less. But I hope, especially in this case, that less will be enough. I’ve said it so many times that it may sound trite, but I tell you again from my heart: Thanks for being here.