Defeat Despair

Pay attention

Julia ♦ July 25, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

I paid close attention to this lovely bloom at the Conservatory of Flowers
Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, October 2003

“Choice of attention, to pay attention to this and ignore that, is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer.” – W. H. Auden

Auden captures a truth here that has always been evident to me, yet remains elusive in the ongoing rush of life. When one is distractible or detail-oriented, the proclivity to have mindful awareness hijacked by the noisy or urgent is even stronger, and the need to discipline one’s thoughts becomes crucial to sanity and survival.

I’ve found that it helps to deliberately seek out the beautiful, interesting or joyful. Life is astoundingly abundant with gifts that are easy to ignore. When I start looking for them, blessings are evident everywhere.

Today, I hope you will go on a sort of “scavenger hunt” in whatever place you find yourself: search out what is lovely, happy or fun, but easily overlooked. Take a few mental (or digital) photos. If you like, share your observations here, but most importantly, file them away in your joy bank, to be withdrawn as needed in times of negative emotional cash flow.

This post was originally published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

A full expression

Julia ♦ July 24, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

Kathy and I photograph each other near Parliament Square, London, during springtime in 2001.

Kathy and I photograph each other near Parliament Square, London, springtime 2001.

“A great photograph is a full expression of what one feels about what is being photographed in the deepest sense, and is, thereby, a true expression of what one feels about life in its entirety.” — Ansel Adams

This photograph of my friend Kathy, taking photos of me taking photos of her, is not a great photograph from a technical standpoint. It’s a poorly scanned (and here, cropped) digitization of what was originally a Kodachrome transparency. Because it was a typically cloudy, low-light day in London, the depth of field is shallow, resulting in a much better focus on the flowers than on Kathy or the buildings of Parliament Square.

But it’s one of my favorite photos, and meets the definition of “great” as described by Adams, who is perhaps the best known photographer of all time. This photo captures so much that I love about Kathy, especially my happy memories of her joy of taking pictures, which has made her an ideal companion for me on so many ramblings in various cities. She does not grow impatient with my desire to catch just one more angle, one last shot. More than any other person I know, she has my love of photography, and is a diligent archivist of the beauty of everyday life.

What do you love best about your friends? Try to capture that essence in a photograph sometime. For all of the beautiful scenery I’ve been blessed to see and photograph, my very favorite shots are those of loved ones in which their unique personalities shine through. Years later, these photographs are a priceless treasure that never fails to bring a smile to my face. I hope your own treasure chest is filled with many such invaluable delights.

This post was first published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Hope is at the root

Julia ♦ July 23, 2020 ♦ 7 Comments

Drew, Jeff, Matt and I enjoy the view from the Reagan Library, July 2004

“Hope is at the root of all the great ideas and causes that have bettered the lot of humankind across the centuries.” — Ronald Reagan

Touring the beautiful grounds of the Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California, it isn’t hard to understand why he was such an optimist. There’s something about California that always inspired hope in me, too. As a state, California is younger, wilder (in more ways than one) and seemingly boundless; the sky there feels as wide as the Pacific Ocean that stretches along the coast.

While California has some natural advantages other states may lack, I’ve found that all places have their own unique spots of serenity and calm beauty. At times, I have to escape to some of these places to keep my optimism from being dashed to pieces by the turbulence of everyday life. Hope is what carries us through the difficult times, and ignites our desire to take action and make things better in some way. It really does lie at the root of all progress.

It’s easy to look back at times of positive change and forget how dubious or frightening they seemed at the time. It’s equally easy to be cynical and complain endlessly about what we see in the present. While there is a vital place for criticism and correction, there is also much to be thankful for in any era, and there are always opportunities for improvements, large and small. When the overscheduled days, grinding traffic or televised histrionics get you down, try escaping to a place that will help you re-connect with hope.

An enchanted hour

Julia ♦ July 22, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

My friend Darla's porch, seen here in May 2013, is a favorite spot, always decorated for the season!

My friend Darla’s porch, seen here in May 2013, is a favorite spot.
It’s always decorated for the season, including a big Christmas tree in December!

“An enchanted hour was filched from the hereafter and tossed into the lap of the present, as a foretaste of what is to come…A mystic world, into which we step as soon as we cross the threshold of the porch.” — Ethelind Fearon (1946)

I don’t know why I have such a love of porches. Perhaps it’s because of the screened porch of my childhood home, where we spent many happy hours eating watermelon and chatting. Its metallic roof made such a wonderfully cozy sound during summer rains.

Or maybe it’s the mysteriously appealing “sleeping porch” of my Granny’s old house, the home where she was born sometime before 1900, and in which my father was also born. That “sleeping porch,” which was actually more of a spare bedroom, seemed to be full of delightfully exotic trinkets from the past. Large screened windows that looked out on the back lawn ran the length of the walls.

Or maybe it’s the swing on the front porch of the home where Jeff grew up in rural Tennessee, where he and I spent many treasured hours in the quiet evenings, with only the sound of crickets and an occasional car passing by on the highway.

Whatever the reasons, I find porches irresistible. I hope you have at least one to enjoy at present, or in memory. Save me a glass of iced tea and a seat in the swing!

This post was first published seven years ago today. Since then (actually for two years now) I’m happy to report that, for the first time in my life, I now have front porch with a swing. Matt loves it as much as I do, and though we don’t spend nearly as much time there as we would like, just knowing it is there is a joy.

The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Everyone belongs

Julia ♦ July 21, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

Friends gather to celebrate Matt's birthday in August, 2009

Friends from church gather to celebrate Matt’s birthday in August, 2009

No one is a stranger here.
Everyone belongs.
Finding our forgiveness here,
we in turn forgive all wrongs.
— Bryan J. Leech

On a recent Sunday during worship in northern Virginia, we sang one of my favorite songs before communion. A verse from the song is quoted above. Having entered the assembly that day feeling burdened with various worries and sorrows, the song touched me deeply and reminded me why we keep coming back to meet with other believers.

All of us want to belong. I can think of few things more painful than feeling excluded. One of the ways our younger son Matt has blessed us has been the way his presence opened our eyes to so much that we couldn’t fully see before, and among the things we’ve learned is the hard lesson of how sad it is to feel excluded.

Seeing Matt largely disregarded by his nondisabled peers over the years has been a sorrow that stabs at the heart again and again each time it happens. Yet there is also consolation in the deep love of those who can see past the disabilities to treasure the unique person Matt is, and patience with those who aren’t quite there yet, but are trying to get past their obvious discomfort with anything that is not typical. It’s easier to be patient as we recognize that we, too, have excluded others, often without intending to do so.

I’ve heard people admonish others that forgiveness is its own reward; that holding onto our anger or grudges does more damage to us than it does to the objects of our hard feelings. I agree with this totally. But forgiveness is important for other reasons as well. Forgiveness teaches us patience and understanding. It implies humility, as this quote suggests, and the realization that we cannot expect the forgiveness of others until we are willing to offer it ourselves. This humility is what transforms a group of diverse people into a family where everyone belongs.

This kind of relationship with others is more easily talked about than practiced, of course. It’s an ideal for which we strive, but as with so many desirable traits, we often fall short of what we are striving for. I think the important thing is to keep trying, keep opening our hearts to others, keep reminding ourselves that what unites us is greater than what divides us.

That is the spirit that I hope to maintain on this blog, and I sincerely appreciate all the wonderful and supportive comments of those who visit us here. I hope that all who read this blog will find something helpful. My gratitude goes out to all who take the time to stop by. If you are seeking optimism, hope, and a spirit of gratitude, respect and caring, YOU BELONG!

You wouldn’t be ashamed

Julia ♦ July 20, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

I photographed these parrots at Disney World, where they tactfully refrained from speaking. August 2003

“So live that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”
— Will Rogers

We don’t have a family parrot, but we have something a bit more risky: a son with an exceptional auditory memory (which tested at the level of a 13-year-old when he was in kindergarten) and a love of repeating things that he hears. Matt also has the knack of unintentionally leaving out relevant parts of the story in such a way as to confuse or mislead his listeners. Suffice it to say that we’ve become somewhat careful about what we say around him!

Still, he has always known, even from a very young age, not to repeat certain words. When we moved to Hawaii in 1993, he was only seven years old. On the airplane he was seated next to a woman who had more than a bit too much to drink, and she struck up a conversation with Matt. Unfortunately, her language was not rated PG or even PG-13, and Jeff eventually called a halt to the conversation emphatically enough that her offensive language dried up immediately. We worried for a time that we might hear Matt repeating some of the vulgar or profane words she said, but we never did.

In any case, Rogers has some sound advice here. Even if no one else hears the things we say, we hear them, and we have no business filling our own ears with what doesn’t bear repeating. Let’s practice saying only things that are useful, good, positive, uplifting, kind, honest or otherwise commendable. Some of us will have a much harder time with this than others (I plead guilty!!!) but we will enjoy our own company more if we master this discipline.

SO, what’s happening with you today? Tell me something good!

In a garden

Julia ♦ July 19, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

Yet another beautiful Canadian garden. Halifax, Nova Scotia, September 2007

The kiss of the sun for pardon
The song of the birds for mirth
One is nearer God’s heart in the garden
Than anywhere else on earth
— Dorothy Gurney

I don’t know what it is about Canada, whether it’s the climate or the eagerness for warm weather or the souls of its people, but I see many of the most beautiful gardens in the world in that country. Lucky USA, to have such talented gardeners as next-door neighbors!

It may help that our neighbors to the north are spared the blistering heat that most of our states experience. By this time of the summer, some of our blooms have already faded in the withering temperatures. Fortunately, they are replaced by others that will keep things colorful until well into autumn. In Virginia, I’ve had begonias blooming as late as December.

What’s blooming in your neck of the woods right now? Which flowers are “on deck” for late summer and fall?

Whether you are a gifted gardener whose efforts bless everyone around you, or just an amateur such as I, tickled pink over every bloom that survives my blundering attempts, I hope you have lots of flowers to enjoy this year. Here’s to the talented neighbors and friends, as well as local parks, nurseries and greenhouses, who fill our summers with color!

Walk and be happy

Julia ♦ July 18, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

Drew and Matt enjoy a walk in Laguna Beach, California, July 2004

“The sum of the whole is this: walk and be happy; walk and be healthy. The best way to lengthen out our days is to walk steadily and with a purpose.” — Charles Dickens

When I think about it, I’m surprised that this quote came from Charles Dickens. It sounds more like something we’d hear from Dr. Oz. I have this idea that during the years Dickens lived, people didn’t have much choice but to walk, unless they were wealthy enough to have horse-drawn carriages. I also wonder what Dickens and his contemporaries would have considered to be a long walk, or for that matter, what they would have thought of as a long life. I’m not sure what the average life expectancy was during those years, but Dickens wasn’t much older than I am now when he died. I wonder if he took his own advice.

In any case, I agree with what he says here. “Steadily and with a purpose” doesn’t necessarily imply going somewhere practical such as the post office or grocery store, although I find it especially satisfying if I can exercise and save gasoline at the same time. Often, my purpose is to clear my mind, enjoy a cool summer evening, or take some photos. Since I always seem to be short on time, the “steadily” part takes care of itself.

What are your favorite reasons for walking? Whatever they are, I hope that health and happiness are among the destinations you reach on foot!

Stand quietly before them

Julia ♦ July 17, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

The statues of the six continents at the Esplanade du Musée d’Orsay, Paris, September 2005

“We should comport ourselves with the masterpieces of art as with exalted personages– stand quietly before them and wait till they speak to us.” — Arthur Schopenhauer

Whenever I visit an art gallery or museum, especially a large one such as my favorite, the Musée d’Orsay in Paris, I’m torn between wanting to rush through and see it all, or take the time to really study and enjoy just a few works. Since time is always limited when travelling far from home, I usually end up doing a bit of both, promising myself I’ll come back someday and spend more time there.

In this, as in so many other areas, we are tremendously fortunate to live in the digital age, when we can call up precise and detailed photographs of virtually every work in every museum with a website, as well as many privately held collections and lesser-known works of art shared online by their creators. While such works inevitably lose much in translation to two-dimensional images, we still have the chance to grow familiar with them and appreciate them from a distance, rendered in amazing detail that enables zooming in and studying the minutiae closely.

However, nothing will ever replace being able to see an original work of art, up close and in person. I hope you will make some time, near your home or on vacation, to enjoy great works in the many places they can be found: indoor collections and galleries, parks, city squares, churches, universities, and private homes. Next time you pass an intriguing sculpture or eye-catching painting, take a few minutes to stand quietly and listen. What do you hear?

To become a grandparent

Julia ♦ July 16, 2020 ♦ 18 Comments

Ryan’s wife Marlea snapped this photo of their children, Kate and Everett,
with my parents enjoying their great and grand blessings

“To become a grandparent is to enjoy one of the few pleasures in life for which the consequences have already been paid.” — Robert Brault

My nephew Ryan sent me this photo recently and I loved it instantly. Since Jeff and I will soon be grandparents for the first time, I thought a post about grandchildren might be in order. But since I’ve never yet been a grandparent, I know the relationship best from the standpoint of the grandchild.

I remember laughing at Bill Cosby saying all of us are still alive today because of our grandparents. While that may be a slight exaggeration, there is something delightfully carefree about the relationship between children and their parents’ parents. Grandparents are a continual reminder that Mom and Dad were once kids, and they often have archives of ancient-looking photos and stories to prove it.

They have other interesting things, too, and don’t mind if you prowl around in their stuff and ask lots of questions. They will often play games your parents don’t have time for, or laugh at things your parents might fuss about. They might sneak treats to you that your parents wouldn’t let you have. No doubt about it, there’s something slightly subversive about grandparents. But in a good way.

Jeff and I were blessed with loving grandparents whose influence has lasted far beyond their time here on earth. We miss them, and hope that we will be able to live up to the examples they left us, providing loyalty, laughter and love that will never die.

This post was first published seven years ago today. Sadly, I’ve learned that Brault’s quote is not always true. This post, almost as much as the blissfully hopeful ones I wrote when I truly believed that Jeff would survive and beat the cancer, brings sadness to my heart, as will some of the ones to follow in the weeks to come. But the only way out is through. I can’t dodge the sadness or pain. I can’t deny that there once was a time when everything looked brighter, when I thought I would have a role to play in my grandchildren’s lives. I re-publish this post in recognition that just as things can change for the worse in ways we may not have imagined, they also can change just as remarkably for the better, and perhaps a happier ending of some sort may lie ahead for me.

Mama and Daddy, I miss you! You were exemplary parents and grandparents in so many ways.

Designed by nature

Julia ♦ July 15, 2020 ♦ 9 Comments

The beautiful cannonball tree has many medicinal uses. Barbados, March 2010

“The marvelous pharmacy that was designed by nature and placed into our being by the universal architect produces most of the medicines we need.” — Norman Cousins

One of the first things I did after Jeff got his stage IV cancer diagnosis was request that he read a book first published in 1979: Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient: Reflections on Healing and Regeneration by Norman Cousins. I read this book decades ago, and it would not be an exaggeration to say that it has been one of the biggest influences in my life. In fact, it may be indirectly responsible for my decision to start this blog.

Cousins’ work, which has become a classic, deals with a variety of interesting considerations regarding health care and how we view disease. I read the book long before I could have known how much of my life would be consumed with visiting doctors, staying in hospitals and otherwise managing the medical aspects of our younger son’s disabilities. While none of the details of Cousins’ devastating diagnosis are related to Matt’s genetic condition or Jeff’s recent challenges, the underlying message of patient responsibility and empowerment has been crucial in navigating the often intimidating journey through serious and chronic illness.

Today it is not uncommon to find physicians and other medical professionals discussing and acknowledging the powerful medicinal benefits of such factors as creativity, laughter, holistic healing, and the placebo effect. It was far less common when Cousins set out on his own largely self-designed and non-traditional path for battling his illness, emerging victorious and lighting the way for countless others to follow.

Today I hope we will resolve to work in harmony with the many providers and natural paths to wellness that are available to all of us. If we tap into the amazing, God-given powers of mental, emotional and spiritual health to improve our physical health, we can greatly decrease our suffering and improve our quality of life, however long or short our time on earth may be.

Connected to something bigger

Julia ♦ July 14, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

The Bavarian Alps, viewed from Garmisch-Partenkirchen, August 2005

“When everything around you is changing, turn to the part of you that doesn’t change, that is calm, centered, and connected to something bigger.”
— Ariane de Bonvoisin

Churchgoing people are accustomed to hearing various metaphors for faith. It’s spoken of as an anchor, a rock, a fortress, and a shield. It’s described as “the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things unseen.” All these images take on new meaning when crisis overtakes what used to be normal life.

As change, sorrow, fear and chaos swirl around us, it’s easy for all that matters most to get tossed away. It helps to have these images to ground us. We hold fast with gritted teeth and closed eyes, sensing the unseen foundation beneath us. Our spirits are strengthened by the intangible but real presence of others who are standing with us, in prayer, hope, faith and courage. The connection to something bigger than all our troubles can sustain us, as it has before and will again.

My gratitude goes out to all of you who are in that company whose presence we feel and cherish. I wish for all who visit here today a time of contemplative awareness of that calm, centered connection.

When I am laughing

Julia ♦ July 13, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

Matt and Drew laugh it up with their cousin Emily, 1988

“I love myself when I am laughing…” — Zora Neale Hurston

Do you have memories of times when you laughed until you cried? Or when you simply couldn’t stop laughing? We used to call this “getting our tickle box turned over” but whatever it is called, it’s wonderful. In such a state, almost everything that is even mildly comical suddenly seems uproariously funny.

In childhood these times often happened when we were supposed to be quiet. There’s nothing like trying to suppress a laugh to make it irresistible.

Hurston’s quote has a double meaning to me. I agree that we never feel better about ourselves than when we are laughing, even if we are laughing at ourselves! I also think that one of the best ways we show love to ourselves is by getting a good quota of deep, giddy laughter now and then. Research has shown that laughter really is good medicine for most of what ails us.

If you haven’t had a good laugh in a long time, make it a point to watch a funny video (the old movie What’s Up Doc is one of my favorites), or check out Dave Barry’s blog, or enjoy the cartoons of Roz Chast. We are blessed to have endless sources of humor; I hope you will laugh today!

A physical manifestation

Julia ♦ July 12, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

If The Picture of Dorian Gray was about my house, it might look like this shop in St. Louis.
April 2008

“Clutter is a physical manifestation of fear that cripples our ability to grow.”
— H.G. Chissell

From scanning the magazine titles on every newsstand, I know I’m not the only one who has a problem with clutter. I understand there are entire television shows devoted to documenting hoarders who are so much worse than the average viewer that they are weirdly reassuring to watch. But it seems most people have at least a little trouble with throwing things away, and I have a bigger problem with it than almost anyone I know of.

Years ago I read that the tendency to hold on to things is largely a fear-based behavior, which makes a lot of sense to me. I hold onto things because I’m afraid. I fear that I’ll forget an interesting person or happy memory associated with a card or gift, or I’ll someday need the object I ought to toss, or I’ll forget that I got rid of it and waste time looking for it later (yes, I really do that sort of thing, even more so as I get older).

Print addict that I am, I hoard reading material most of all. It’s a real struggle for me to throw away a newspaper or magazine I haven’t read. Jeff is coaching me to skim more and read less, but I seldom manage to do that. I have come to the realization that I have enough unread books, magazines and digital reading material that I could read all the time for the rest of my life and not run out. Still, it’s hard for me to resist the urge to subscribe to a magazine at a giveaway rate, or pass up a gorgeous, like-new book at a library sale (after all, the money goes to support the library, right?) 🙂

In other words, “my name is Julia and I have a problem with clutter.” But I’m in recovery. I am learning to relish the act of cleaning out and freeing up space. I get a big kick out of donating boxes full of very good, barely used things to Goodwill. I love sending a nice book to someone who requests it through the wonderful Paperback Swap site I used for many years. I’ve even managed to pitch my most comfortable walking shoes or t-shirts or jeans that are growing shamefully threadbare. Okay, I’ve pitched SOME of them. It helps that cleaning and tossing really does do wonders for my mood. Now, if I could just keep those shelves, counters and closets EMPTY for a while…

I love blogs such as Organized at Heart and Flylady and Simplify 101, along with many others, all of which are full of tips, fun ideas, and understanding. The only downside is that it’s tempting to spend more time reading than cleaning out! What are your best clutter-clearing secrets? Send me some ideas to keep me on the wagon!

Graceful, varied and enchanting

Julia ♦ July 11, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

A butterfly brightens the Conservatory of Flowers in San Francisco, October 2003

“Beautiful and graceful, varied and enchanting, small but approachable, butterflies lead you to the sunny side of life. And everyone deserves a little sunshine.”
— Jeffrey Glassberg

Flowers are not only attractive and fragrant; they also draw butterflies to add even more beauty to our lives. When I was a child I was tempted to catch them, but soon learned from experience that this was not a good thing to do. Now I try to catch them with my camera lens, a trick that is sometimes quite a challenge, but leaves the butterflies unharmed.

Something about the fluttery movement of butterfly wings fits perfectly with the appeal of a garden in bloom. It’s as if the sight of their nearly weightless agility lightens our moods, lifting our spirits with a sense of freedom and fun. Next time you see a butterfly dancing about, take a minute or two to enjoy its air show. I wish you sunshine today!

The best kind of friend

Julia ♦ July 10, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

The back porch of the Nocking Point, my parents’ lakefront cabin, in May 2003

“The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had.” — Author Unknown

As much as I enjoy talking (OK, no wisecracks here) I have to admit that an amiable silence is also one of the benefits of close friendship and love. With the people we feel closest to, we never need to force conversation. Often we know, or can make a good guess, what the other person is thinking. Sometimes we even say the same thing at the same time. But when we are comfortable with someone, just being with them is enough.

During late childhood and early adolescence, my friend Beth and I used to read different books silently together for hours, especially in summertime. We’d go to the library and check out our maximum number of books, then just sit, read, and swap books when we finished. When Beth’s friend Joyce would visit from Ohio in the summer, she would join us for the book reading and swapping. Although we often discussed books with enthusiasm, that wasn’t always necessary. The shared enjoyment of being lost in a book was enough.

During the hottest days of the year, I hope you will find time to be a bit lazy and enjoy sitting on a porch some cool evening with someone you like or love. Iced tea, books, magazines or conversation are optional extras. May your summer included at least a few of these memorable moments of silent conversation.

A big journey

Julia ♦ July 9, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

With them on the journey: Jeff and our sons in Victoria, British Columbia, 1993

“Childhood isn’t just something we ‘get through.’ It’s a big journey, and it’s one we’ve all taken. Most likely, though, we’ve forgotten how much we had to learn along the way about ourselves and others.” — Fred Rogers

One of the most sobering things about being around children is the realization that everything we do teaches them something, whether we intend it or not. It’s been my experience (backed by research) that children imitate the actions of adults far more than they listen to their words. This is the reason Fred Rogers was determined to make children’s television his personal ministry.

Do you ever get annoyed with yourself? I do, and I frequently berate myself aloud when I lose something or miss an exit or spill something messy. “I am so stupid! Why did I do that?” I somehow had the idea that it was OK to call myself stupid, even if I should never do that to anyone else. But one day as I was chastising myself in front of my sons, I had a horrifying realization: I am teaching my children how they should treat themselves if they make a mistake.

I wish I could say this taught me to keep my mouth shut; it didn’t. At least it did cause me to think more about what I said and did while children were watching. All of us, whether we are parents or not, have the opportunity to change the world in small ways every time we give children an example of behavior that is healthy, respectful, compassionate and honest. We are their unofficial guides through the journey of childhood. Let’s do our best to lead them in helpful and happy ways.

Unless we share

Julia ♦ July 8, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

Sharing scenery and snacks in Venice, June 2008

“…pleasure has no relish unless we share it.” – Virginia Woolf

I’ve written a good bit about the joys of solitude, but enjoyment is almost always better when it is shared with others. I think that’s one reason most people like traveling with companions; it’s much more fun when there is someone along who understands your excitement.

I believe blogging has taken off and become widespread because it gives everyday people the chance to share with others, and discover like-minded writers and readers all over the world. It’s reassuring to find out someone else feels the same way we do about something, and energizing to discuss our enthusiasms among those with similar hobbies, beliefs or interests. The world seems friendlier and more connected when we share with each other.

Whatever you have planned today, I hope you make some time to share with someone in person, online or by phone or letter. It’s a great way to divide the sorrows and multiply the joys!

A light from within

Julia ♦ July 7, 2020 ♦ 4 Comments

Detail of a stained glass window in Cologne Cathedral, Germany, April 2007

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I love stained glass, from tiny sun-catchers hanging in kitchen windows, to magnificent soaring panels in cathedrals. Whenever I see these works of art I have the impulse to capture their colors in photos. If time allows, I like to study the intricate details and imagine the stories they tell. But even the briefest glance is stunning when the light is shining through.

Kübler-Ross makes an interesting analogy to the inner beauty that doesn’t become evident until revealed by extraordinary circumstances. Almost anyone can be fun, appealing and attractive when all is sunny and bright. But when things go wrong, there are some people who continue to shine despite the gloom.

Such people are champions of fighting despair, refusing to let outside darkness extinguish the hope and joy they carry inside. When we feel overwhelmed by sadness or defeated by adversity, we need the radiant examples of those who stand with us in times of trial, reminding us that even in the darkness, the light of faith, hope and love cannot be overpowered.

I hope you have many such people in your life, and I trust that you can and will be a source of light for others.

Achieved, not bestowed

Julia ♦ July 6, 2020 ♦ 4 Comments

The FDR Memorial in Washington D.C. includes statues of his wife Eleanor and his dog Fala.
December 2004 (Click on Fala to read more about him!)

“In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.”
—Franklin D. Roosevelt

We often speak of freedom being granted, as if it is something given. While it’s appropriate to view our freedom as a gift, it is also a quality that has to come from within. We can become the willing slaves of fashion, wealth, popularity or any other craving or addiction. Or we can allow fear, ignorance and indifference to confine our minds and spirits. If we confuse freedom with reckless disregard for rules, we’re missing the point and merely swapping one master for another that is potentially more menacing.

On this weekend when we celebrate freedom in America, I wish you a day that is free from all that is detrimental to you, body and soul. Let’s resolve to make the most of our freedom to learn, grow, and help one another be the best we can be.

The torch of freedom

Julia ♦ July 5, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

A statue of John Paul Jones stands in West Potomac Park, Washington D.C., April 2005

“The stature of our homeland is no more than the measure of ourselves. Our job is to keep her free. Our will is to keep the torch of freedom burning for all. To this solemn purpose we call on the young, the brave, the strong, and the free.” — John Paul Jones

Many of us associate John Paul Jones with his legendary words “Surrender? I have not yet begun to fight!” While there is some debate as to whether these were his exact words, no historian questions the desperate circumstances under which he refused to give up. Those brave and defiant words are engraved on the monument pictured above, the first memorial raised in Potomac Park, Washington D.C., in honor of the first American naval hero.

More than five years of grueling war followed the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. The spirit exemplified by John Paul Jones and others enabled the colonies to press on through times of misery and despair, never losing hope in their dreams of freedom and a new form of government.

The Fourth of July is a happy time for most U. S. citizens, partly because it’s associated with picnics, fireworks and summertime fun. But it’s also a great time to remember that courage, determination and tenacity can lead underdogs to unprecedented victories.

Freedom is a fragile and demanding legacy. For all people everywhere, it demands conviction and courage to sustain freedom in the face of opposition and oppression. As the USA celebrates its 237th birthday, I wish you a weekend of reflection on the great achievements of those who stood firm through fierce adversity. May we all be inspired to do likewise!

Through all the gloom

Julia ♦ July 4, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

The sun lights an American flag in Boston, September 2007

The sun lights an American flag on display in Boston, September 2007

“I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the gloom I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory. I can see that the end is worth more than all the means; that posterity will triumph in that day’s transaction, even although we should rue it, which I trust in God we shall not.”– John Adams, in a letter to Abigail Adams, July 3, 1776

On the day my country celebrates its Declaration of Independence, I could not have quoted from anyone other than the individual I consider most responsible for the adoption of that Declaration: John Adams, whose unflagging tenacity and fierce determination overcame considerable opposition from his more fearful colleagues. Though Adams would go on to become our first Vice-President and second President, his most important work likely was done before such offices existed.

If you don’t know much about Adams, I encourage you to learn more. The HBO mini-series John Adams, which I mentioned just a few days ago, is an excellent introduction to this man, as is the surprisingly accurate (in spirit if not in detail) Broadway musical 1776. As much as any individual in American history, Adams refused to be defeated by despair.

It’s easy to look back in hindsight and applaud the courage of these “founding fathers” (and mothers) who supported independence. But their mutual pledge of “our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor” was not lightly taken. For their Declaration, they could have been hanged as traitors to the crown. I will always feel profound gratitude that the story did not end that way, though it did cost years of bloodshed and many lives.

I pray that the United States of America will remain true to the courage, love of freedom, and “firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence” that have served us in centuries past.

Happy Birthday, USA!!!

This post was originally published seven years ago today. The words of Adams, my favorite among all the U. S. Presidents, have a startling relevance to what our country now faces. Freedom has always met its greatest threat from fear that is used as a tool by tyrants and despots to subjugate masses of people who cower before real or imagined dangers. The details change, but the central truth remains: freedom is not, and has never been, free. In the sobering words of another “founding father,” Benjamin Franklin: “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” I hope you will take a few minutes to watch the stirring excerpt from the HBO series linked above, and remember that many lived, and even died, for the things we take for granted.

A safety place

Julia ♦ July 3, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

A wall inside my garret, July 2007

“It is strange how a man believes he can think better in a special place. I have such a place, have always had it, but I know it isn’t thinking I do there, but feeling and experiencing and remembering. It’s a safety place. Everyone must have one, although I never heard a man tell of it.” — John Steinbeck

Nine years ago when we first moved to Virginia from northern California, I was terribly homesick for the west coast, and had not yet discovered much to love about our new location. That would change within a year, but the first few months were difficult. On the plus side, I loved our home with its large, wooded (and partly overgrown) lot, detached spare garage, and abundant closets. The house contained a few lighted, floored attic spaces tucked beneath the rafters, a feature I’ve always loved in houses.

The door to one of these spaces was located inside a walk-in closet that I turned into a craft storage area. Finding that this particular attic space was large enough for a desk and chair, a bookcase, and several storage files and drawers, I decided to convert it to my own personal hideaway. I covered the walls and rafters with favorite photos, sayings and mementos, many of which were reminders of the home I missed. I filled it with old paperbacks and stationery, and put a rug on the plywood floor. (I featured another photo of my little attic nest in this post.)

That tiny garret is a place such as Steinbeck describes above. I go there to think, prowl among books and old ephemera, or just sit in the quiet and reflect on whatever it was that drove me into the space I jokingly call my “inner sanctum.” (It’s especially wonderful to go in there when I can hear the rain falling directly above me.) That small room, unfinished and without heat or air conditioning, is one of my favorite things about our York home. If we ever decide to move, I’ll be sad to leave it behind.

Do you have a favorite retreat where you go to be alone with your thoughts? Or a place you have decorated with significant trinkets, saying or photos? If so, I hope you will make some time to enjoy an uninterrupted visit there soon. If you don’t yet have such a place, I highly recommend finding one, outdoors or indoors, where you feel safe and removed from day-to-day distractions. Happy daydreaming!

Dear earth

Julia ♦ July 2, 2020 ♦ 4 Comments

The terrace of the Banff Springs Hotel, Alberta, Canada, September 1999

“…a greater glory I may one day see, but oh today, dear earth, how I love thee.”
— Louise E. Weber, as recorded in The Notes by Ronald Reagan (page 47)

Skeptics sometimes describe those of us who believe in heaven as people for whom religion is a crutch; a desperate hope to which we cling when things go wrong. That may be true in some cases, but I believe it’s mostly a misconception among those who don’t understand or share our beliefs. While we do hold fast to our faith in hard times, we never feel closer to heaven than when we see earth at its best.

Standing among breathtakingly beautiful surroundings that could never have been crafted by human hands, I feel deeply the need to say “thank you” and equally deeply, the sense that the Creator hears me. It may sound contradictory, but there is something unearthly about the most beautiful sights and experiences we take in during our relatively short sojourn here.

When we see indescribable vistas, experience moments of love, warmth or humor, or feel elation at the first touch of spring or fall in the air, it feels perfect, yet often it’s also, somehow, incomplete. The deepest ecstasies of life carry within them tiny fragments of sorrow or at least wistfulness; we wish the moment could last longer; we wish we could share it with loved ones not present; we wish earth did not hold so much ugliness to counteract its beauty.

At such times, I think most of the believers I know will see in the incomplete perfection of earth a hint of what lies just beyond our reach as physically finite people who can conceive of, and long for, infinity. I hope you will be touched by beauty today, and if it is tinged with sadness, I hope you can reach beyond what is seen, and open your heart to the unseen.

Read history

Julia ♦ July 1, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

The plaster castings from Pompeii are a haunting reminder of past disasters and difficulties. May 2008

Plaster castings at Pompeii, a haunting reminder of past disasters and difficulties. May 2008

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.” — Bill Maher

I’m no fan of Bill Maher, but he has a point about history. It’s a great way to gain some perspective. Not long ago I read Bill Bryson’s fascinating book At Home, and I realized I’d never fully appreciated such things as electricity and sewer systems. From relatively trivial blessings such as comfortable furniture, to life saving improvements such as modern medicine, we are fortunate to be living in today’s world.

A couple of years ago our son gave us the DVD set of the HBO miniseries John Adams, based on the book by David McCullough. The gruesome scenes of very early (and thus quite risky) smallpox vaccinations, or the equally sobering portrayal of the Adams’ daughter’s breast cancer surgery, done without benefit of anesthesia, offer graphic reminders that even the prominent and privileged of past centuries had a far less easy life than the average person today.

Look around you and notice how many things in your environment were not readily available to your grandparents or great-grandparents. Aside from the endless digital and electronic devices that we increasingly depend on as necessities, there are slightly older but no less essential comforts such as air conditioning, spacious kitchens, bathrooms and closets, and abundant, affordable choices in everything from clothing to housewares to groceries and fresh produce.

It’s easy to romanticize the past, but reading one of the many popular books by gifted historians such as McCullough, William Manchester or Barbara Tuchman will be an eye-opening experience that will leave you thankful for being who you are, where you are, and when you are. Besides, many of the history books themselves are better now!