Defeat Despair

The mystic moon

Julia ♦ June 30, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

I stood in our York driveway to photograph the “super moon” of June 2013

At midnight, in the month of June,
I stand beneath the mystic moon.
An opiate vapor, dewy, dim,
Exhales from out her golden rim…
—Edgar Allan Poe

Last Saturday, just after the summer solstice, I returned from a wonderfully cool evening walk with Pasha. Although it was nearly 9:00 pm, there was still daylight outside. Jeff told me there was to be a glorious “super moon” that night, so of course I dashed outside with my camera a couple of hours later, and took some photos just before the gorgeous light was blurred by clouds.

The moon was surrounded by a hazy halo of light larger than any I could remember seeing. It was absolutely magical, definitely a night to remember.

I hope you were able to get a glimpse of the “super moon,” but even if not, there are lovely full moons to enjoy each month, and crescent moons and multitudes of stars. Sometime while the weather is still warm and the night is clear, take a few minutes to go outside and enjoy the night lights of nature!

This post was originally published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

A garden and a library

Julia ♦ June 29, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

The public library in Camden, Maine includes a beautiful waterfront garden. June 2012

The lower level of the public library in Camden, Maine
opens onto a beautiful waterfront garden. June 2012

“He who has a garden and a library wants for nothing.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero

Several weeks ago one of our readers sent me this quote, and I immediately thought “That would make a great post for the blog.” What makes the quote so appealing is that most people can have at least a small library and garden, or even if they cannot, can have access to public or private libraries and gardens — sometimes very grand ones.

As much as I love my own library (not a place, but a collection of books scattered throughout two different homes) and my own modest attempts at gardening, I will never tire of exploring the wonders of public libraries and gardens. I also enjoy the more modest but equally appealing libraries and gardens of like-minded friends. In such settings there is wealth enough to fill several lifetimes with exploration, discovery, and joy.

I read a translator somewhere who said that he imagined Cicero must have been referring to a garden as a gathering place where people could sit and discuss ideas. While that sounds logical, there are all kinds of reasons for gardens, just as there are all sorts of reasons why people need libraries. Wherever you find them, and whatever you find within them, I wish you an abundance of opportunities to enjoy both.

So rare

Julia ♦ June 28, 2020 ♦ 12 Comments

A perfect June day near Kennebunkport, Maine, 2012

And what is so rare as a day in June?
Then, if ever, come perfect days… — James Russell Lowell

June has been a blur for us this year, as perhaps it has been for you. We’ve been overwhelmed with hospitalizations, seemingly endless appointments, backlogged tasks indoors and out, and the yearly traffic snarls from summer travelers hitting the roads.

Even with the distractions, I can’t help noticing it’s a lovely time of year. Several times in the past weeks I’ve headed out for an evening walk, mentally laden with worries and stress, and felt my agitation melt away as I am bathed in the serenity of a cool summer twilight. The sun is not yet scorching enough to leave heat lingering after sunset, and the grass is thick and green. The flowers are fully blooming, not yet faded and leggy. Summer is still new enough to feel refreshing after a cold winter and wet spring.

Before the perfection of June passes into the sweltering heat of July and August, why not make some time to enjoy the longest hours of daylight we’ll have until this time next year? Although it’s easy to forget, these days are rare; enjoy them!

When there is nothing

Julia ♦ June 27, 2020 ♦ 4 Comments

A statue in Le Cimetière du Père-Lachaise, Paris, December 2005

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

— lines from the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling

Over 200 posts ago, on my second-ever post on this blog, I quoted a different part of the poem from which I drew the lines above. Tonight as I write this, not quite two weeks from the day it will be published, this verse has been on my mind for days.

To many people, I suppose the lines suggest a physical or even athletic contest, or the grueling exhaustion that sometimes overtakes soldiers, sailors, laborers or others who are pressed beyond normal endurance. But for some, including me, the will to hold on is most crucial when we are drowning in sorrow or overwhelmed by sadness; when we feel alone, isolated or afraid. At such times, it seems hypocritical to wear a smiley face and laugh through tears. There are times when acknowledging our broken spirits can help us to hold on when all other sources of support are absent or inadequate.

Thousands of years ago an inspired poet wrote, in lines that are still spoken and sung today,
“…there is…a time to weep and a time to laugh.” As important as it is to choose optimism and good cheer, we must not deny or obscure the burdens of grief that each of us must bear, however unevenly the weight of such sorrow may be distributed among us. One of the most beautiful and healing things a true friend can do for us is to cry with us, saying nothing profound or inspiring, simply sharing our sorrow.

If you are burdened with a heavy heart as you read this, I hope you will feel less alone to realize that so many of us have been, will be, or are now in places quite similar. Even if there is nothing left in you except the will to hold on, I pray that you will be able to endure; to pass beyond the dark night of your soul and find joy in the morning.

Related posts

Until things are brighter

Two things stand

Even in darkness

To flowers

Julia ♦ June 26, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

Many of our neighbors have stunning hydrangeas this year. June 2013

“I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers.” — Claude Monet

It’s easy to believe that flowers inspired Monet to capture beauty on canvas, creating some of my favorite masterpieces. Add one more amazing gift to the lengthy list of the ways flowers have enhanced our lives.

The flowers seem even more beautiful than usual this year. I don’t know whether it’s something in the weather that has made them more vivid, or whether my soul is so thirsty for the joy they bring to an otherwise difficult season for us. I haven’t had much time for gardening in recent months, but my neighbors have filled the gap, tending glorious blooms that brighten my walks and lift my spirits.

What flowers have you seen today, or this week? I hope you’re finding as many to love as I am!

It still matters

Julia ♦ June 25, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

In San Francisco, as everywhere, tradition often stand in stark contrast to modernity. January 2004

In San Francisco, as everywhere, tradition often stands in contrast to modernity.
January 2004

“Tradition does not mean a dead town; it does not mean that the living are dead but that the dead are alive. It means that it still matters what Penn did two hundred years ago or what Franklin did a hundred years ago…” — G. K. Chesterton

Tevye isn’t the only one who prizes tradition. I count among my friends and relatives many who are loyal to tradition in various aspects of life, and I am certainly into tradition in many ways (you don’t want to get me started talking about Christmas traditions here).

However, like Tevye, many of us who prize tradition have been taking some hard knocks lately. The world is changing at a head-spinning rate, and while change is not necessarily bad, it isn’t necessarily good, either. Much that seems eternally valuable to us appears to be increasingly disregarded, sometimes without adequate thought or reasoning. Many of us may find ourselves in the position of Tevye, carefully debating when and where to draw the line between welcoming the new and standing our ground on matters of principle, faith or personal ethics.

Regardless of where one stands on controversial issues, perhaps we all could start by agreeing that history does matter; that we need to understand how we got to the place we are now, in order to see the way forward. It bothers me to hear people talk as if history is meaningless. History is a rich, largely undiscovered gold mine of wisdom that, though it is often interpreted in conflicting ways, can tell us much about who we are, what to embrace, and what to avoid.

I hope that you’ll spend some time, today or someday soon, to discover a bit more about the history and traditions of your state, your town or your family. Like it or not, we all continue to live with the influence of what has happened long before we got here, and we would do well to know it better. Happy time traveling!

And then there is…

Julia ♦ June 24, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

This sign greeted visitors to Disney’s California Adventure Park, July 2004

“There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California.” — Edward Abbey

In case Abbey’s quote leaves anyone in doubt, I mean it as a compliment. Whatever else can be said of California, it is certainly unlike any other state in the USA. It’s a web of contradictions; a place of unparalleled beauty that is more frequently the butt of jokes than admiring tributes. Could there be just a bit of sour grapes flavoring some of the criticism? Perhaps, but even those who love California will readily admit that its fiscal woes and multitude of other challenges are driving away many residents who once dreamed of living an entire lifetime there.

Even if you can’t afford to live there, I do hope you will be able to visit and get a taste of what makes this state so dear to so many hearts. Whether you go to the breathtaking National Parks, to Disneyland and other amusement parks, or to the countless tourist destinations in every category you can name, I hope you will manage to get “off the beaten path” and explore the coast, valleys and lakes as well as the vibrant cities. Be sure to sample some fresh fruits or veggies; almost anything you can think of is grown nearby. You’re likely to see flowers everywhere, for the weather in most of California is so pleasant that even annuals come back perennially. As do many people, who will never quite forget what made their years in California some of the happiest of their lives.

Brilliantly disguised

Julia ♦ June 23, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

Sunset over Naples, Italy, May 2008
The light keeps breaking through the falling darkness!

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities, brilliantly disguised as impossible situations…” — Charles Swindoll

I will always remember the first time I saw this quote. It was fairly recently, in an email I got from an extraordinary person, Dr. Anitha John. She specializes in adult congenital cardiology, a relatively new field that is both demanding and in demand. Dr. John has this quote appended to her email signature and contact details.

When we first sought her help as a local expert to work in consultation with Matt’s cardiology team in Norfolk, we were deeply apprehensive about Matt’s ongoing medical challenges. Seeing this quote in Dr. John’s email was wonderfully reassuring, and my impression that we were in excellent hands was underscored and magnified. You just have to love a physician with that kind of signature line, which matches perfectly with her attitude, expertise and compassion.

One of the great blessings to come out of our medical trials and tribulations has been the opportunity to know some of the most amazing medical professionals in the world. Some have international reputations, and some are known only locally, but all have had a wonderful combination of education, experience, competence, humility, understanding, and respect for their patients and families.

There’s an unfortunate stereotype that physicians (and surgeons in particular) can be arrogant and uncaring, but we have never, ever found this to be the case with any of the doctors, therapists, nurses or other staff who have worked together to save Matt’s life more times than we can immediately recall. Perhaps those who go into any pediatric subspecialty have an extra measure of the helping heart that draws people to careers in medicine, but I’ve had many years of close proximity to all sorts of medical personnel, and I know firsthand that they live and work with one impossible situation after another, always finding the opportunity within the challenge. As much as any other support we’ve been blessed to enjoy, the faith and diligence of these providers has kept us going over the years.

Our proximity to health care professionals has given me a deep gratitude for the excellent medical care we’ve received, along with an abiding interest in eliminating the obstacles that still prevent far too many people from access to appropriate, compassionate health care. If you have good health care providers, be thankful! May we all draw inspiration from their tireless determination to find the opportunities that lie within the impossible.

The real secret

Julia ♦ June 22, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

The kitchen of the Tasha Tudor Dollhouse at Colonial Williamsburg, December 2004 —
A perfect example of fitting small things into small spaces!

“The real secret of how to use time is to pack it as you would a portmanteau, filling up the small spaces with small things.” — Sir Henry Haddow

Much has been written about the importance of prioritizing major tasks and important duties first, and fitting everything else in around them. But sometimes there still does not seem to be enough space for everything. Haddow is on the right track when he speaks of small spaces, those tiny slivers of time that cumulatively add up to a significant part of the day.

I find that there are quite a few such spaces in an average day, many of which seem to involve waiting on something or someone. Waiting for the water to boil for tea, waiting in a telephone hold queue, waiting for the computer to boot up, waiting for a bus or a subway train. Aside from carrying reading material of a type that can be easily read in short segments, there are probably many things we can do to pack those small spaces with small things.

Since I’ve often found myself in the kitchen while waiting, I have learned to do 60-second cleaning routines: wiping counters, scouring sinks, hand-washing a dish or two. I can get a lot done this way without feeling as if I’ve worked at all. In fact, I’ve discovered that it’s helpful, even when I have a long period of time available, to break distasteful chores into steps, so that I don’t feel as if I have a hour or two of drudgery ahead of me. Sometimes I’ll tell myself that I’ll work on something for ten minutes and then I can stop, but then when I get involved in whatever it is, I often keep working longer. Getting started really does seem to be half the battle sometimes,

Today, try giving yourself a five or ten minute assignment to work on something you’ve been putting off. You just might end up finishing a task you’ve been dreading, but even if you don’t, at least you’ve taken a small step, which might make the next ones easier to take. I wish you a productive day!

Solace, inspiration, adventure

Julia ♦ June 21, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

Jeff and Matt stroll along the water’s edge at Acadia National Park, Maine, in September 2007

“Nature has been for me, for as long as I remember, a source of solace, inspiration, adventure, and delight; a home, a teacher, a companion.” — Lorraine Anderson

Whatever may be bugging you, I’ll bet it would be eased somewhat if you could manage a few moments to get away to a place without electronics, cars, concrete or advertising. A vacation to a gorgeous national or state park may not be possible (although I highly recommend saving and planning for one as soon as you can) but surely you are near a spot of green somewhere. A city park, a back yard, a pasture or forest, anywhere you can close your eyes and listen to birds and breezes, or open them and see grass, sand, trees or sky.

If you don’t have more than five minutes to spare today, do an online search for beautiful photos of nature. You’re likely to come up with some pretty scenes, many of which may be set to music in an online slide show designed to give people a quick nature fix. There is no more agreeable home, teacher or companion than God’s beautiful creation. I hope you will enjoy at least a few minutes of it today!

Resolved in the morning

Julia ♦ June 20, 2020 ♦ 4 Comments

Sleeping like a baby: Mama naps with her first grandchild, Ryan, in 1976

“It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.” — John Steinbeck

If you’re an insomniac, a night owl, or both (as I am) you have probably done a good bit of work and/or worry in the late hours of the evening, or even the wee hours of the morning. If so, you may have reluctantly concluded, as I did years ago, that staying up late does little to contribute to facing tough problems or challenges. I’ve watched early risers such as my husband for many years, and they are all fairly insistent about getting to bed at a reasonable hour. They are also, almost without exception, far more accomplished than I am.

Although it’s not in my nature to be an early-to-rise, early-to-bed sort, I’ve come to the inescapable conclusion that guarding my sleep habits to ensure at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night is one of the most important things I can do to preserve my own health and sanity. And I have to agree with Steinbeck that sleep often yields a mental clarity and focus that cuts through what seemed insurmountable obstacles the night before.

I’ve read that insomnia is an increasing problem in today’s world. Little wonder, with all that we have to keep us up at night. The bright side of this national sleep problem is that there are good, sound articles almost everywhere you look, online and in print, that include simple tips and information to help us maintain good sleep habits. I hope you are making sure to get adequate sleep. It’s one of the kindest things you can do for yourself, and ultimately, for all the people who are depending on you.

Just the thing

Julia ♦ June 19, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

Matt and Drew are among countless readers who love Eeyore. Walt Disney World, 1995

“Eeyore, what are you doing there?” said Rabbit

“I’ll give you three guesses, Rabbit. Digging holes in the ground? Wrong. Leaping from branch to branch of a young oak tree? Wrong. Waiting for somebody to help me out of the river? Right. Give Rabbit time, and he’ll always get the answer.”

“But, Eeyore,” said Pooh in distress, “what can we — I mean, how shall we — do you think if we –“

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “One of those would be just the thing. Thank you, Pooh.”

— Eeyore, as quoted by A. A. Milne

Don’t you just love Eeyore? Of course his gloom can be tiresome, but after awhile it becomes very endearing. And anyway, even those of us who are more like Tigger or Piglet or Pooh have at least a bit of Eeyore in us. Sometimes when we’re very tired and in need of help, the last thing we feel like doing is answering a lot of well-intended questions that only add to our exhaustion because they have no quick or easy answer — or, as in Eeyore’s situation above, the answer seems so obvious to us that it baffles us why anyone would need to ask.

Next time you’re having an Eeyore day (and maybe it’s today!) go easy on yourself and just accept being Eeyore for awhile. He may be a tad depressed, but he certainly has staying power! Just look how long he has lived, delighting the hearts of countless children for generations.

Being peace

Julia ♦ June 18, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

The Pentagon, as seen from Arlington National Cemetery, April 2012

“It is not by going out for a demonstration against nuclear missiles that we can bring about peace. It is with our capacity of smiling, breathing, and being peace that we can make peace.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

The tragedy is that the world is a very broken place, and probably always will be so. The beauty is that we can make it better.

If we allow ourselves to be distracted by cataclysmic events over which we have no control, we tend to let ourselves off the hook in terms of personal behavior. How righteous we feel as we rail against evil, while ignoring those who need us, who are nearby and would benefit from such small efforts.

Today, let’s all focus on making the world better, right where we are. Smile at people. Let cars merge in front of you in traffic. Give a cashier a sincere greeting and say “thank you.” Visit an elderly person who is unable to leave home and feels forgotten. Send a handwritten note to a relative who lives far away, to whom you haven’t written in years. Pretend, just for today, that it might be the last day you spend with your family or friends; how would you treat them?

If such deeds seem too small, tell yourself you will start there and move forward into greater efforts. You will be energized by the joy of showing compassion, mercy and friendship in small ways, thus being readied for larger things. Don’t be overwhelmed by the magnitude of evil and suffering. Become part of the even greater magnitude of all that is good, right and holy.

One who knows the way

Julia ♦ June 17, 2020 ♦ 5 Comments

A mother duck and her ducklings at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, May 2013

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way.”
— John C. Maxwell

As Reneé, Roger, Tammy and I walked through one of the outdoor courtyards at Walter Reed NMC, one of them said, “Look, a mother duck and her babies!” Naturally, I had to take some photos. It was really interesting to watch how the mother duck reacted to my presence, and how her nine ducklings responded to her every move. They were clearly accustomed to people, and showed no fear as long as we kept a distance. The mother would waddle along and the babies would hop along behind her, often in single file. But the instant she stopped — which she did whenever I got too close — the ducklings would cluster next to her and freeze until she moved again.

We watched them until they traversed the courtyard and turned into the bushes on the other side, although they froze several times when I approached, and their actions followed an amazingly identical pattern each time. As far as I could tell, she gave them no vocal signals, nor even a gesture with her wings, unless it was so subtle that I missed it. But her confidence must have been enough for the ducklings, who watched closely and imitated her actions without fail.

My best teachers in life are people I remember mostly for who they were and what they did, not for things they said. Certainly verbal instruction is an important skill, but no didactic lesson compares with an example in action. Wherever your career, interests or circumstances lead you, I hope you will have some great leaders who know, go and show…and maybe you can be one yourself!

More than a hundred

Julia ♦ June 16, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

Jeff and the boys at our home at Vandenberg AFB, California, December 1990

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” — George Herbert

Watching someone fight bravely the battles Jeff has fought these past 9 months, it’s easy to get overly sentimental about him. Yet I think I can say without exaggeration that I have never known a man more devoted to his wife and children than Jeff has been for over 30 years and counting.

When women think of ideal traits to look for in a husband, those who plan to have children would do well to prioritize qualities that make a man a good father. But this is a more complex task that it seems, as there is no “one size fits all” description of a good father. If I try to pin down one characteristic that seems to be an absolute requirement for parenthood, devotion is the quality that keeps coming to mind.

Devotion to family comes at a price, of course, especially when extraordinarily challenging situations arise. Hobbies are forgotten or nonexistent; career decisions and personal preferences take a backseat to the welfare of the children; at times one’s individual personality seems to vanish into the web of demands that shape every day. Usually, none of these sacrifices are obvious in a devoted father; they are so inseparable from his character that it’s easy to be fooled into thinking he’s sailing along, living the same life he might have lived without children. But those who look closely will know better.

Herbert touches on the truth about what makes a father’s role so unique. A devoted father teaches continually, sometimes with words but mostly by example, and the cumulative effect of being ever-present in his children’s lives is a more profound lesson than any educator can impart. I know, because I was blessed with a father whose example would be a hard act to follow. I thank God every day for giving me a husband more than equal to the task.

I have mixed emotions about Father’s Day as I do about Mother’s Day, because there are so many for whom this is not a happy occasion. But I hope that those who may feel that they don’t have much to celebrate on Father’s Day will find ways to honor the crucial and often unsung role that fathers play. However imperfect they may be, loving Daddies are almost everywhere we look: in history, in our extended families, in our local school or play group. If you didn’t have the kind of father you wished for, you can still be one, or see one, and be strengthened by the gifts only a father can give.

This post was originally published seven years ago today, which was Father’s Day in that year. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

One step at a time

Julia ♦ June 15, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

Visitors climb the Cahokia Indian Mounds near St. Louis, Missouri, April 2008

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

Years ago when I wanted to lose about 5 pounds, I was able to accomplish that goal by making just one small change. I worked on the third floor of a large building, and I began walking the two flights of stairs instead of using the elevator. Since my job involved some errands, I frequently made more than one trip up and down per day, but it was never unduly difficult or time consuming. In fact, I came to see that taking the stairs for just a couple of flights can often be quicker than an elevator, especially going down. In just a week or two, my weight had come down. I don’t think I ever took the elevator in that building again, even when I was pregnant.

Now when I’m with Jeff someplace and he wants to take the elevator, I take the stairs and see who gets there first. It’s a fun game for me, and a fairly painless way to get some exercise.

It’s tempting to look for shortcuts in life, but often we actually lose time by cutting corners. More importantly, being in a hurry adds immeasurably to our stress. No matter what I’m doing — driving, cooking, cleaning, or anything else — the amount of stress I feel is directly proportional to how quickly I’m trying to get finished. I think that principle applies to long range goals as well. When I start dwelling on all the goals I had hoped to accomplish by my mid-fifties, it can be downright depressing until I pay attention to what I have already done, and the direction in which I’m heading.

Next time you get impatient with your progress, whether it’s a big project or a small daily task, it might help to remind yourself that taking one step at a time will almost always get you there– and often, you’ll arrive in better shape for having allowed yourself to skip the shortcuts.

A place once visited

Julia ♦ June 14, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

City lights are enchanting, nowhere more so than in Venice in June 2008

City lights are enchanting, nowhere more so than in Venice. June 2008

“Venice appeared to me as in a recurring dream, a place once visited and now fixed in memory like images on a photographer’s plates…” — Gary Inbinder

Sometimes a place seems magical because of the circumstances of our time there, but some are inherently spellbinding. Venice is certainly such a place, especially as the daylight is waning and the lamps begin to sparkle.

I have fond memories of a night Jeff and I spent wandering among the canals and seemingly endless bridges, winding pathways through shops, restaurants and alleys, past silent buildings closed for the night. Moonlight and lamplight were reflected in the canals, and the music in St. Mark’s Square wafted over the breeze. The atmosphere was so thick that even several years later, it comes back vividly in my imagination, ever-alluring and probably slightly embellished by my memory.

What are your favorite enchanting places? Take a few minutes to daydream about your ideal visit there. Feel free to share a photo or a memory in the comments.

Delicate enjoyment

Julia ♦ June 13, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

A balcony with an inviting tea table overlooks Disneyland, July 2004

“Another novelty is the tea-party, an extraordinary meal in that, being offered to persons that have already dined well, it supposes neither appetite nor thirst, and has no object but distraction, no basis but delicate enjoyment.” — Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Whatever else can be said of contemporary culture, it seldom suggests “delicate enjoyment” or for that matter, delicate anything. We live in an age where “extreme” has somehow become a favorable concept, over-used by advertisers and enthusiasts.

Tea is a delightful exception. It comes in a wide array of flavors, but none of them are strong compared to most beverages. Its benefits, like its flavor, are subtle: calming, relaxing, mildly stimulating.

Sometimes I think that much of my enjoyment of tea comes from the simple but methodical preparation, which harmonizes perfectly with the leisurely sips taken during agreeable activities such as conversing, reading or merely gazing outside at a pretty landscape.

Today, I hope you will prioritize a few minutes of delicate enjoyment. If a cup of tea is “not your cup of tea” (sorry, I couldn’t resist) perhaps you can enjoy some soothing music or a few minutes of restful meditation. I think our lives could use a little more delicacy, don’t you?

A friend who cares

Julia ♦ June 12, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

Drew snapped this photo of Roger, Tammy, Reneé and me, just after we got the good news that Jeff's surgery had gone well. May 2013

Drew snapped this photo of Roger, Tammy, Reneé and me,
just after we got the good news that Jeff’s initial surgery had gone well. May 2013

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

On May 16, three people spent over six hours on the road, braving the legendary traffic of the DC area. They came from southeastern Virginia to Bethesda, Maryland to sit with Drew and me through the long hours of Jeff’s liver resection. It was a risky surgery that would involve more complications than we had anticipated, and aside from these three people, no one else was with us that day. Each of them, in different ways and at different times, has been there for us in the past, when we needed help that only they would give. And here they were again, with us on a crucial day, showing us that we mattered to them.

Roger is our minister from our Newport News church; Tammy is a dear friend and neighbor who feels more like family; Reneé is the dynamo who leaves such generous comments for me on this blog. She understands so much of my life because she has been in my shoes as few others have, and has shown me that it’s possible not only to survive, but to thrive.

These friends are close to us because of our shared faith, but also because over the years, they have cared for us in ways that set them apart. In being with us yet again on that long day, they have given me a gift of strength that has remained with me for days and weeks since. I draw comfort from looking at the photos of us taken that day, even as we continue to endure the long and uneven process of Jeff’s recovery, the outcome of which is still frighteningly uncertain, and seems to grow more worrisome each day. I will always be grateful that these special folks set aside an entire day to be with us in trying circumstances.

Let’s take a few minutes today to be thankful for those faithful friends who are willing to stay beside us during our most difficult hours. Life brings us all sorts of acquaintances who bless us in various ways, but it’s hard to imagine how we would survive without those very special individuals who are not afraid of the dark. Our gratitude goes out today to all who share sorrows as well as joys; may the compassion you show to others return to you a hundredfold.

God’s handwriting

Julia ♦ June 11, 2020 ♦ 7 Comments

The waterfront at Bar Harbor, Maine, June 2012

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting – a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.” —Charles Kingsley

Travel is one of my favorite ways of searching for lovely sights, but it’s not necessary to be in a gorgeous town such as Bar Harbor to catch glimpses of beauty. As Kingsley’s quote implies, it’s all around us if we welcome it.

Two practices have helped me feed my soul with beauty: walking, and taking photos. With the advent of digital photography, taking pictures is practically as inexpensive as walking. I hope you will welcome beauty wherever you find it, but today I especially encourage you to wander outdoors in search of “wayside sacraments” that are easy to miss in the rush of everyday life.

If you have a digital camera, try taking a few photos of what you find. You might be surprised how good a photographer you can be! But if you’d rather not take photos with a camera, take them with your eyes and memory. May we all cherish this “cup of blessing” that will lift our spirits, spark our creativity and energize our minds.

The celebration

Julia ♦ June 10, 2020 ♦ 12 Comments

Jeff and I celebrated our 20th anniversary by cruising Alaska with our sons in June 2000.

“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” — Paul Sweeney

This month, Jeff and I celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary. Without question the past year has been the most difficult and challenging time we have ever faced together, but the “together” part made it easier to bear.

Jeff and I both like Sweeney’s quote, and feel it’s an apt description of marriage. However, we cannot define what the “varied order” of these traits has been for us during the past year. We have needed an abundance of all five, and not just for each other, but also for the many people who have been part of our lives before and after Jeff’s diagnosis. As we continue to pray for many more years together, we will rely on each of these qualities to navigate the uncertain road that lies ahead of us.

The past year has taught us the true meaning of the vows we took 33 years ago “for better or worse.” We are thankful that the worse is made better when endured with determination to live out the qualities Sweeney mentions.

June has long been a popular time for weddings, so perhaps many readers of this blog will be celebrating an anniversary this month. If so, congratulations! May you be blessed with many more happy milestones. But keep in mind that the qualities Sweeney lists are helpful for everyone, in all types of situations, not just in marriage. Love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity — in varying order of importance, depending on the circumstances — are a good foundation for any life. I wish you the best of each!

This post was first published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Whatever we lose

Julia ♦ June 9, 2020 ♦ 5 Comments

A path to the beach on Captiva Island, Florida, January 2013

“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves that we find in the sea”
—E. E. Cummings

I can scarcely remember a time when I went to the beach without these words from Cummings’ lovely poem running through my head. How simply and perfectly he captures the endless allure of the ocean!

I feel fortunate to have lived within an easy drive to the ocean for most of the past thirty years. But even when I cannot go there physically, the peace I have found at the seashore stays with me in memory. Perhaps that’s why I so love gathering seashells and pebbles made smooth by the water.

If you are unable to get to a beach today, maybe you can take a few minutes to go there in your imagination, aided by free downloads like this one or the one embedded below. Lots of similar sounds and videos are available free online – happy beachcombing!

Rejoicing that I’m still here

Julia ♦ June 8, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

Daddy on his 80th birthday with his lifelong friend and fellow pilot,
my beloved “Uncle Tuffy” April 2008

“Getting older is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wake up every morning rejoicing that I’m still here with an opportunity to begin again and be better.”
— Oprah Winfrey

A long life is a decidedly mixed blessing. Those of us who make it to our eighth and ninth decades will do so enduring many losses: of our physical strength, of many of the people we love best, and of the world as it was for most of our lives. Still, I appreciate Winfrey’s take on getting older, and I think it can apply to all of us, no matter our age.

What a gift it is to be alive and start a new day! I have never seen this gift with more clarity than I do after the past six months. I hope you will join me in resolving to regard life as the blessing it is, regardless of the pains that come along with it. Today is a precious opportunity, one I am determined not to squander.

This post was first published seven years ago today. During that seven years, both Daddy and Tuffy have passed from this life, but their influence lives on in the many happy memories of their faithful lives and love for others.

The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Blinking once-sealed eyes

Julia ♦ June 7, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

The baby robins open their eyes and prepare for rapid growth, May 2005

“I do not know what I am doing. But just like a baby bird, I am blinking once-sealed eyes and unfolding damp wings.” —Julie Gregory

No matter how old we grow, life forces us to keep learning. Sometimes it helps to re-frame even the most difficult experiences as opportunities to increase our competence, tenacity or courage. When the full force of Jeff’s stage IV diagnosis came crashing down on our heads, there was a period of shock and grief, and then a tentative, logical period of weighing options and making plans for various scenarios.

During this time I gradually became aware of the many things in our personal histories that had prepared us for navigating these ominous passages. Jeff had extensive experience and training, up through the post-doctoral level, as a military medical officer whose responsibilities went far beyond that of the typical dentist. In a general way he knew a good bit about what would be facing him. I had worked as an administrative assistant in an NIH-funded brain tumor study at the medical center where Jeff went to dental school, and much of the lingo, practices and atmosphere of the chemotherapy clinic were familiar to me. Most significantly, for over 27 years we had been riding the waves of Matt’s major surgeries and ongoing medical challenges.

At one point I told Jeff and others close to me, “We have been preparing for this situation for 27 years.” It’s true that the obstacles facing us are very different than anything we’ve faced before, with unprecedented potential consequences. But remembering what we’ve already been through has helped us muster the confidence, however shaky, that we can and will get through this together.

Whatever obstacles lie ahead of you, chances are you have somehow been prepared for it in at least a few ways, whether or not you feel conscious of it. As the baby bird struggles through growth guided mostly by instinct, I hope you will reach back into your inner resources and reassure yourself that you have what it takes to find the right direction and make it through the often-frightening learning curve ahead. As lonely as it may feel, others have walked the path before you, and emerged victorious. Vaya con Dios!

Produced in a garden

Julia ♦ June 6, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

The St. John City Market, New Brunswick, Canada, September 2007

“For all things produced in a garden, whether of salads or fruits, a poor man will eat better that has one of his own, than a rich man that has none.” — J. C. Loudon

We are now approaching the time of year when those of us just coming out of springtime will soon be able to enjoy fresh, locally grown produce. As fortunate as we are to be able to buy almost anything we want shipped in year round, there’s nothing like eating something that was very recently harvested to add a new dimension to understanding the word “fresh.”

Ripe fruit has an appeal to me that rivals any confection, and when I keep it on hand, washed, sliced and ready to eat, I’m less tempted by cookies and ice cream. Most vegetables are an acquired taste for me, as they may be for you, but corn on the cob, tomatoes and lima beans have always been among my favorite foods. The first time I grew my own backyard tomato and tasted the difference between it and one from the supermarket, I remembered why I had loved the tomatoes that came from Mom’s garden.

How lucky that these earthy treats are also super-nutritious for us! I wish for you a season of abundant, delicious produce, from your own garden, a market or a nearby roadside stand. As Loudon knew, it’s an unparalleled form of wealth and health.