Inviting people in
As Tammy and Matt agree, we’re always ohana at the Puakea home. December 2006
“I allow my fear of embarrassment to stop me from hostessing anyone. I tell myself it’s fine, it’s just not ‘my thing,’ but I actually think that’s a weak excuse. Because there are things we should do, regardless of whether they are our favorite ‘things’ or not…I think inviting people into your home, whether it’s an impeccable mansion or a rusty old shack, is probably an important practice.” – Glennon Doyle Melton
One of the most important things we can do to defeat despair — and to help others to do the same — is to let people in. Into our lives, into our hearts, and yes, into our homes. Even when our homes aren’t exactly ready for prime time.
My house is a wreck right now, even more so than usual. In fact, all the piles of stuff that used to make a crazy sort of sense to me do not make sense to me any more. There’s nothing for it but to plow into it as I have time, clean up, clear away and in the meantime, LIGHTEN UP on the inside. Translation: even as I go about cleaning up, I can’t get impatient with myself because, compared to what’s been going on the past two months, and some of the other stuff that is still going on, this housekeeping stuff is SO unimportant.
This is not to say that I don’t clean things up when we have people over. In fact, Jeff and I have always joked, “The house is really messy, we need to invite some people over” because that makes us prioritize tidying up. But when people come over a few times, you stop worrying about it. There’s nothing like having someone in your home, and going into theirs, to let you get to know them in a way you won’t get to know them anyplace else. And pretty soon, the superficial stuff doesn’t matter much.
When we go to each other’s homes, we see each other’s pets and furniture and art and projects and notes on the fridge. We sit in their chairs and on their floors and at their tables, and laugh and talk and sometimes sing and pray together, and just soak in who they are in their natural surroundings. There’s nothing really like it, and I think one reason people are so crazy nowadays is that we don’t do enough of this type of thing anymore. There are too many electronic substitutes for being with friends. But they can’t replace face time.
Our friends Mitzie and Robert are wonderful examples to us when it comes to hospitality. These people have more folks into their home than anyone I know. Maybe it’s Mitzie’s heart of gold or Robert’s Hawaiian heritage, but they are like professional friend-makers and they bring people together all the time. They host church groups and community groups and their sons’ friends, and at least once a year they have a big luau for local mainland Hawaiians and wannabe Hawaiians, complete with live music and food and more laughter than you can imagine and even a pig roasted in the genuine Hawaiian way. I’ve never seen their home messy but the truth is I don’t think anyone would notice if it was. You walk in the door and it’s like you are ohana; you are home.
We have many other friends who are like them, and set a good example for us. Two of them, Tammy and J.J., are coming over tomorrow for awhile, just to see us. I won’t have anything special fixed to eat (although I’ll offer them tea 🙂 ) and you can bet the house will still be bordering on eligibility for a hoarders show, but I’m not worried about it, because we’ve been in each others’ homes so many times now they feel like family.
I hope you have people like that, people who can drop in anytime, no matter whether you’re ready for company or not. I also hope you will join me in resolving to open your home to friends and potential friends. It doesn’t have to be anything big (unless you enjoy that type of thing) — it can just be pizza and conversation. A board game and snacks. Whatever.
I admit that often, before people come over, Jeff and I get nervous and grouchy and run around trying to clean everything up and get everything ready, and we don’t usually feel totally prepared when the doorbell rings. But we have never, ever, ever NOT felt happier afterwards. It’s magical.
Do you have anyone you’d like to invite to your home, but have been putting it off for one reason or another? Try moving that up on your list of priorities, and see what happens. And if someone invites you to come to their home, try carving out time to go. Let me know how it goes!
One year ago today
Net of wonder
The wake of the Diamond Princess off the coast of Mexico, March 2004
“The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.”
— Jacques Yves Cousteau
After spending 21 of the past 24 years living near the ocean, I have no desire to live very far inland. It’s interesting, because I don’t have any of the interests one might normally associate with coastal living. I don’t fish, I’m not a very good swimmer, and I never go scuba diving or even snorkeling. I don’t spend much time in boats, although I might enjoy that. I don’t even like seafood.
But there’s something about being near the ocean that feels more free, more healthy and more alive to me. There’s something about having land on one side and water on the other; something about always having an orientation; a compass of sorts, merely by knowing which side the ocean lies on. It gives a frame of reference from which to start, no matter what direction you want to travel, with the promise of unseen continents to explore, lying on the other side of the water.
And then there’s the water itself; the sound of the surf, and salt-air breezes, and the gulls flying over. I love the bridges and the marinas and the incomparable sunsets over the water. There’s a feeling of expansive serenity at the ocean that I don’t find anywhere else.
Sometimes when I’m working in our wooded lot I will forget how close to the water we are, until I’m digging and come on a bed of oyster shells (which Jeff suspects are left there by critters who dig them out of the creek) or hear the sound of gulls overhead, as I used to hear long ago when working in our back yard surrounded by eucalyptus trees on the central coast of California. It’s doubly appealing to be in a wooded area but still near enough to the ocean to hear the gulls.
Of course, every region has its appeal, whether the landscape is dessert, mountains or plains. But even if you strongly favor inland living, I highly recommend escaping now and then to the sea, if only in imagination or via a virtual tour online. The spell might not be as strong as if you were there in person, but the net of wonder cast by the ocean is far-reaching and rejuvenating.
One year ago today
No ordinary people
Extraordinary everyday people surround The Immigrants statue,
Battery Park, New York City, May 2007.
“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.” — C. S. Lewis
My favorite author C. S. Lewis wrote many passages that touch my heart and open my mind, but none is more sobering and remarkable to me than the text that includes the quote above. Think about it: every person you encounter today is more unique, more important and more eternal than any non-human part of your life.
It’s hard for us to realize this, surrounded as we are with so many appealing gadgets, to say nothing of the aspects of nature that are far more attractive and less irritating than some of the people we meet. But I really think Lewis hit the nail on the head here. Of everything in this world that matters, people matter most, and we forget that at our own peril.
I think Fred Rogers understood that. So did a lot of other remarkable people I’ve known. With their help, I hope I’m beginning to understand it, too.
One year ago today
Pretty, yes pretty!
This shop in Rome gave me a bit of beauty to capture and pass along! May 2008
“To my mind, a picture should be something pleasant, cheerful, and pretty, yes pretty! There are too many unpleasant things in life as it is without creating still more of them.” ― Pierre-Auguste Renoir
With that view of art, no wonder Renoir left us so many gorgeous works to enjoy. I realize there is a place for art that intrigues or even disturbs our complacent ways of thinking, but when I look at the world today, I think we need beauty more than ever before. Kudos to Renoir and the thousands (maybe millions) of other artists like him, who want to brighten our lives with images that soothe, uplift and delight us.
We are so fortunate to have the works of great artists online for us to enjoy free whenever we want, wherever we have an internet connection. The Renoir link above features digitized images of his complete works, and he was a prolific guy, with a wide range of lovely subjects. If you’d like to see a winter landscape to match your temperatures today, take a look at this lovely image. Or if you’ve had enough of winter, catch a glimpse of summer beauty here. Or visit the websites of other artists or museums, and give your spirit a dose of beauty to brighten your day today!
One year ago today
Expressing it
Jeff gave me these “thank you” roses at his promotion in June, 2003.
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ― William Arthur Ward
We all feel happy when someone appreciates us, but did you know there is an even better way to feel happier instantly? Take a look at the video below.
I’d like to introduce you to Misifusa’s blog, one of the first I discovered on WordPress. Her cheerful, happy posts have been an inspiration to me. Specifically, I want to share with you a post of hers that was published on November 29. It’s directly related to the quote above. Her post appears below, unchanged except that it’s in blue, to distinguish her words from mine:
An Easy Way to Increase Your Happiness! Nov29
Do you want to know the secret of how to increase your happiness quotient, increase someone else’s at the same time and make a difference in both of your lives the easy way? How about if I told you that you could learn in less than 8 minutes? Do you have 8 minutes to learn? Well, without further ado…
My dear friend RoSy blogged this awhile back ~ check out her blog! It made such a difference in my day that I knew I had to repost it for you! I adore what I do which is connecting with others via my blog, my cards and my FB page (besides just meeting people in real life!). I am a big proponent of telling people how I feel and for feeling that gratitude in sharing how blessed I feel to have so many wonderful people in my life!
I hope it made you smile and perhaps even changed your way of thinking! If you are looking for more happiness in your life, this is the answer…baby steps to a happier you ~ and in turn, making someone else happy as well!
Shine On!
xo
P.S. Thanks RoSy ~ I’m grateful for you! xo
*************
One year ago today
Serenity is contagious
Bonsai trees at the Montréal Botanical Garden, May 2009
“We are not going to change the whole world, but we can change ourselves and feel free as birds. We can be serene even in the midst of calamities and, by our serenity, make others more tranquil. Serenity is contagious.” — Satchidananda Saraswati
Serenity has never been my strong suit, but maybe that’s why I admire others who have it. In fact, almost nothing is as comforting in a crisis as to have someone taking decisive action while remaining outwardly calm.
I like to think in the past year I’ve learned, if only through sheer necessity, to avoid at least a bit of the over-reacting that is so intrinsic to my personality. In any case, I have had the chance to watch a lot of competent, compassionate people who have done their jobs well in situations where the outlook wasn’t encouraging and the news wasn’t good. I’ve been grateful time and again for those professionals who know how to be realistic but reassuring; pragmatic, but positive.
Have you ever known people whose peaceful demeanor made you feel relaxed just being around them? I can think of so many times when such people have provided islands of sanity in circumstances that were potentially upsetting or volatile. Though we often think of serenity as a passive trait, it can accomplish more than some of the driven behaviors we fall into when stressed.
If you have a gift for serenity, I hope you will use it to bless others who find themselves in harrowing situations. And if, like me, you wish to increase your own capacity for this trait, keep your eyes and ears open for those who have mastered it. They have much to teach us.
One year ago today
Places in our hearts
I photographed this camellia from our yard on January 15, 2003.
“The flowers of late winter and early spring occupy places in our hearts well out of proportion to their size.” — Gertrude S. Wister
When we first moved to Virginia, I was delighted that the home we bought featured several camellias along the back fence. They’ve grown impressively large, and since they bloom in winter, they add color during some dreary days. We had camellias in California, too; even in the milder winters there, where many types of flowers bloom year round, I always enjoyed their striking beauty.
I loved camellias even before I realized that TEA comes from a plant in that family!
Wherever you are, I hope there are at least a few flowers blooming. Feel free to send us photos or links to gorgeous flowers, to brighten up our January.
One year ago today
Beautiful discovery
One of 2013’s “perfect pictures:” Ellis and me, together after 35 years! July 2013
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” — Elisabeth Foley
One year ago today, I quoted from a wonderful book written by my friend Ellis Anderson, whom I met at college nearly 40 years ago. Ellis and I were different in many ways, but we also had common threads that drew us together. In fact, there has always been a side of me that no one understood quite as well as she did. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say I’m not sure I could have survived college without her. Of all my friends, she was the one who was always there even when it seemed no one else was.
In college, we had discussed song lyrics and literature, and Ellis let me read her amazingly well-written personal journals. And she would play her guitar for me often, singing my blues or grouchy moods away. I learned songs from her that I still sing to myself today. We had an obnoxious habit of speaking (admittedly limited) French to each other when we wanted to share a private joke in the company of others. And we went to New York City together, and exchanged stories of our extensive travels, both of us having fathers that worked for Eastern Air Lines.
Ellis and I ended up traveling in different directions, far and wide, never living close enough geographically to see each other, and always too busy with other obligations to make plans to get together somewhere. We’d always communicated through words and writing, though, and that continued through the years. She kept alive my connection to the person I was in my youth, even through all those demanding years of child-rearing and moving all over the country, stressful times that often made me feel as if the young woman I once was had vanished forever.
Last July, business brought her to DC. She was battling a nasty respiratory infection, but we knew we would simply HAVE to get together. We had not seen each other in person for over thirty-five years! Though she was terrified that she would infect one of us with the remnants of her infection (she didn’t), I was able to twist her arm a bit and have her and her lovely niece, Anna, spend one night with us before they headed south again.
It was almost like being back in the dorm together. It was as if we had never been apart. We talked, laughed, caught up on stories we had not shared yet, and she sang and played the guitar for me as she used to do. Most wonderful of all, she was able to meet Jeff and Matt, having heard about them and seen their photos for many years. After months of sorrow, fear and exhaustion, having her visit us was like a blindingly bright flash of joy.
Ellis and her husband Larry are moving to a location a bit closer to us, so I hope to be able to see her again much more often in the years to come. Whether or not I do, though, I know we will always be friends.
Are you thinking of a special friend as you read this? I wish for you an enduring connection to those steadfast and loyal people who believe in you and bring out your best, as Ellis always has for me. It’s sometimes hard to make the effort to stay in touch, but it’s an investment that pays rich dividends.
One year ago today
We need quiet
Our York backyard, still and beautiful after a snowfall, January 2010.
“Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers.” ― Ester Buchholz
Of all the seasons, winter seems most linked with quiet; short days, long nights, the silence of snowfall and the calming blank canvas of its whiteness. If you live where it’s cold at this time of year, take advantage of the weather’s call to solitude. Settle in with a good book in a cozy room, sit down with pen and paper to write a letter or a journal entry, or bundle up for a stroll in the winter stillness. Turn off the TV, the smart phone, the iPod; unplug and unwind.
Spring will be here soon enough. Till then, take some time for daydreams.
One year ago today
In your house
Our living room in northern California was filled with favorite things. July, 2004
“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” ― William Morris
When one of my graduate school professors asked me to do a paper on William Morris, I wasn’t thrilled about accepting, but it turned out to be one of the most fascinating studies I completed. What I liked best about his philosophy was his enduring belief that the useful can and should also be beautiful.
His oft-quoted words above are a good starting point for those of us who want to spend the winter cleaning and clearing away our excessive belongings. Of course, beauty is a subjective thing, and not everyone would agree with our choices. But in our own homes, we are free to surround ourselves with things that make our days easier, or bring us joy just by decorating our world. Or, best of all, those things that do both.
I hope that you will remember Morris’ advice, and fill your life with the useful AND the beautiful. Do you have any favorites that fit both those standards? Feel free to tell us about them!
One year ago today
Never too old to begin
Jeff snapped this photo of me at Montalvo Arts Center, Saratoga, California, February 2004.
“You’re never too old to begin a journey, if you don’t insist on completing it.”
— Ashleigh Brilliant
No matter what age, nobody has any guarantees of success or even survival when they embark on a journey. If physical or financial limitations do not stand in your way, why should chronological age? Besides, one destination tends to lead to another, so that reaching the end of the journey — at least in this life — may not even be the ultimate goal, especially if we believe our soul’s destination lies beyond this earth.
Whether you are younger or older than I am, you probably have come to a point in life where you felt it was “too late” for a specific goal. But maybe that goal, or a similar one, or a different but equally appealing one, might still be within reach. I believe it’s never too late to grow and change. Some of the liveliest people I’ve ever known (including Ashleigh Brilliant, who is quoted above) continue to explore life with great interest well into their seventies, eighties and beyond.
If we are blessed with long lives, I hope that Jeff and I will be among them. And I hope you will be, too!
One year ago today
Embrace chaos
My craft room has always been the messiest spot in our Alexandria home,
but now it has lots of company. And this is a censored view. January, 2014
“I finally figured out that not every crisis can be managed. As much as we want to keep ourselves safe, we can’t protect ourselves from everything. If we want to embrace life, we also have to embrace chaos.” ― Susan Elizabeth Phillips
My name is Julia and I have too much stuff. Most of the time, I keep it at bay by confining it to just one or two rooms in each home, but in the past few months of spending most of my time away, in hospital settings, things have gotten a bit…shall we say, out of control. My piles of stuff have begun to migrate out of closets and into maybe half the rooms of our homes. It’s making me a little bit crazy, but I’m also too exhausted to take anything but baby steps right now to clean it all up.
I’m in recovery, though…and with the “calm, caring and nonjudgmental” encouragement of Alys and others, I do look for big improvements in 2014. Meanwhile, I’m trying to give myself a bit of a break and embrace chaos. Much of what surrounds us in both our homes right now is the inevitable flotsam and jetsam of crisis and its aftermath; backlogged piles of mail, medical equipment and supplies to store or sort, and papers to file; cards and gifts to acknowledge and answer; growing to-do lists filled with cumulative weeks of neglected tasks as well as added obligations related to our “new normal.”
So, I’ve had to remind myself of some priorities. First priority: survival, for all three of us. Second priority: sanity, ditto. Third priority: rest and recovery, especially important with more chemo for Jeff and Matt’s 5th open heart surgery on the near horizon. Given all this, we have accepted that things will be chaotic for awhile.
I’m almost certain that we aren’t the only ones feeling a bit overwhelmed by our blessings right now. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I hope you will join me in using this chaos as an incentive to welcome a new way of looking at things. As irritating as the mega-mess is, I can sense that it will act as a catalyst to pare down to something more closely resembling simplicity. I know I’ll never live a minimalist life, at least not anytime soon, but I also know I’m ready to make some significant changes in what I keep, where I keep it and how I think about it.
For now, though, I’m embracing chaos. I hope it’s a farewell hug and a kiss goodbye!
One year ago today
Nothing is
This clock is from Queen Marie-Antoinette’s private sitting room at the Tuileries Palace, Paris;
photographed on display at the Corcoran Gallery of Art, Washington, DC, September 2013.
“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.”
— Thomas Szasz
I found it interesting that this quote contrasts boredom with serenity. I would not think of the two as opposites. I would tend to think of anxiety as more the opposite of serenity, although boredom undoubtedly makes everything seem a waste of time. But I think anxiety can too.
When I’m feeling most anxious, a lot of my distress comes from the idea that I’m not making good use of my time. It’s especially frustrating when a day is fraught with unproductive attempts and flat-out failure to accomplish anything. Then it can turn into a vicious cycle, as my distraction over what has gone wrong disrupts my effort to get back on track.
Perhaps it would be easier to minimize the setbacks if I could learn to see everything as being beneficial in some indirect way, even if only to help me avoid it the next time. If I have to wait in a long line when I’m in a hurry, I can make a mental note to avoid that location on that particular day or time in the future. If I throw my schedule off by spending too much time in a phone conversation, I can resolve to postpone telephone calls until higher priorities have been addressed. If I’m sitting in a medical waiting room — something I’ve spent countless hours doing over the years, and especially in 2013 — I can make it a point to bring something to read or work on while I wait. If it’s something enjoyable that I rarely have time for, so much the better.
More importantly, though, I can also realize that some of what may appear to be wasted time can actually be vital moments of rest, reflection and rejuvenation. This year, I have the usual ambitions about cleaning out, clearing space and getting rid of a lot of stuff. I fully intend to do that, because I think serenity will be more possible in my daily life if I do. But meanwhile, I need to practice the habit of serenity from where I am now, on day one. For me this will involve not fretting over wasted time, or expecting an unrealistic level of achievement from myself.
I hope you will join me this year in resisting the tendency to feel overwhelmed by life, even when it’s overwhelming. Especially, I hope we will make the clock our servant, not our master. If you have any secrets for staying serene while swamped with endless tasks, feel free to share them with us! Good luck!
One year ago today
One spectacle grander
You can barely see them, but that’s Jeff, Matt and Drew at the bow of
Holland America’s ship, the Volendam, sailing through Alaskan waters in June 2000.
“There is one spectacle grander than the sea, that is the sky; there is one spectacle grander than the sky, that is the interior of the soul.” ― Victor Hugo
Jeff and I love to travel, and cruising has become our favorite kind of vacation. Needless to say, we haven’t been able to take a cruise for some time, and we have no idea when we will be able to go to sea again. Nevertheless, we still dream and talk of taking another cruise, and hope it won’t be too long before we are able to set sail.
Meanwhile, Hugo’s quote reminds me that I’ve had a front row seat to a spectacle grander than the sky or sea this year; I have seen Jeff fight through and survive one crisis after another, giving me the most intimate glimpse of the interior of his soul that I have ever seen. Although neither of us chose this particular part of our journey together, and it has been full of scary risks, suffering and exhaustion, it also has been a beautiful testimony to his strong foundation of faith, the power of prayers from so many who care about us, and his courage and determination to stay with Matt and me as long as he can.
I hope this year is full of wonderful sights for you to enjoy, whether at home or abroad. Amid all the sights of land, sea and sky, I hope you will keep an eye out for those surpassingly grand views of the many beautiful souls whose paths will cross yours. Bon Voyage!
One year ago today
Language of the imagination
I met this chipmunk at Lake Louise, Alberta, Canada, September 1999.
“ ‘They are all beasts of burden in a sense,’ Thoreau once remarked of animals, ‘made to carry some portion of our thoughts.’ Animals are the old language of the imagination; one of the ten thousand tragedies of their disappearance would be a silencing of this speech.” ― Rebecca Solnit
I’m not sure I understand this quote, but I do find it intriguing. It reminded me of how children are almost universally drawn to animals, and perhaps this is due, in part, to the child’s incomplete grasp of language. Children might feel a kinship with animals based on having to live concurrently in two worlds; one of their own, which makes perfect sense to them, and one belonging to adults, which must surely be unfathomable.
Almost all of us have had the experience of what felt distinctly like a wordless conversation with an animal, and for some of us, it may be a rather common occurrence. Perhaps we converse with animals in a language of the imagination, one we have almost — but not quite — forgotten.
One year ago today
Another step toward simplicity
In the morning
Service with a smile at a bed and breakfast inn, Placerville, CA, December 2002
“Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.” –Elbert Hubbard
When I first read this quote, I thought, “I really need to take that advice to heart, and try to do that.” The next thing I thought was, “Hey, one way to do that would be to sleep until ten a.m.!” Needless to say, I’m NOT a morning person!
It is surprising, though, how much a pleasant attitude can change an entire day. Whether it’s our own or someone else’s cheerfulness, a congenial spirit can enhance happy times and ameliorate bad ones. I’ve noticed when I make the effort to be courteous rather than grouchy, it seems to get much easier as I go along, with each smile or kind word lifting my own mood even if no one else notices.
I hope you have a wonderful day today, but even if you don’t, try Hubbard’s little piece of advice, and feel free to let me know how it goes. You can ask me how I did, too. Nothing like a little accountability to give myself some incentive.
One year ago today
Service is joy
A therapeutic riding trainer helps Matt get ready to ride. Near Williamsburg, VA, April 2005.
“I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy. I woke and I saw that life is all service. I served and I saw that service is joy.” ― Kahlil Gibran
One of the great things about any sort of volunteer work is meeting people who care about other people and the world in general. Working alongside others in a group effort creates a sense of community not found elsewhere. If you find yourself feeling low or blue during the winter months, think about joining in a volunteer effort at your church or through a service organization.
During the cold weather, assistance for homeless people and animals may be in greater demand, and the elderly or people with disabilities often need additional help at home with errands or meals. Children struggling in school may need tutoring, or Sunday School classes may need teachers. Or you may simply know someone personally who could use your help, outside of any formal agency.
As Gibran’s quote implies, the rewards of such efforts may not be apparent until you try it. But in my experience, when I take part in some sort of service activity, I’m always glad that I did. I hope you will be, too!
One year ago today
Time and culture
Reenactors bring the past to life at Fort McHenry in Baltimore, Maryland, August 2010
“You’ve got to marinate your head, in that time and culture. You’ve got to become them.” ― David McCullough
I think one of the best and quickest ways to defeat despair is to read a bit of history and contemplate what life used to be like. I’ve found that nonfiction often seems best for this, since many historical novels can romanticize the past or skip over some of the more unpleasant realities that were inescapable for previous generations. Contrary to what a lot of people think, well-written historical accounts need not be boring, and in fact, some of the most absorbing books I’ve ever read were nonfiction biographies and histories.
If you’ve ever read anything by David McCullough, you know that he is a master at bringing the past to life for his readers. It’s easy to believe he immerses himself in the past just as he describes here, enabling him to open doors in our imagination that will bring us as close to time travel as anything can.
Winter is a great time to dig into a McCullough book. The first book I read by him was Truman, and the only reason I read it was that I found myself in a place where few other choices were available. I was amazed how McCullough’s writing captivated me, leaving me feeling almost as if I knew a man whose biography had never interested me before. 1776 was equally good, and gave me a new understanding of our country’s war for independence.
Of course, McCullough is not the only gifted historical writer awaiting lucky readers. Any public library or bookstore will have shelves full of histories and biographies that are every bit as absorbing as any novel, covering any period history that might interest you. If you’re a reader — or even if you’re not much of a reader — try a little time travel during these long winter months, via a book set in a past era. Or share with us here about some of your favorite journeys to the past, through the magic of reading.
One year ago today
Your own kind of music
All smiles: Matt is congratulated by his voice teacher after Matt’s wonderful,
nearly flawless solo performance of “Do You Hear What I Hear?”
at the Vacaville Festival of Trees, 2003.
“You’ve gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along.” — Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil
This 1969 hit is a favorite of mine, as recorded by one of my all-time favorite vocalists, Mama Cass Elliot. I play this song often for Matt when he and I are riding along in the car together. It sounds in my ears almost as if it was written for him, but of course, there are others who share that feeling. So many of us have felt different or apart at some point in our lives, and some of us will never quite fit in with the crowd. Individuality can be a curse as well as a blessing, but there’s no cure for the loneliness except to accept our differences as gifts, and make the best of them.
Though Mama Cass didn’t write this song, there is no one on earth who could have been more certain to make it the hit that it became. When I think about all that was best about the 60’s, Mama Cass often comes to mind. This woman endured much prejudice and many cruel jokes, but she kept on singing, blessing the world with her musical gifts. I hope you enjoy this lovely video as much as I do, and let it help you remember to sing the song that is yours alone.
One year ago today
I challenge you to a dare
Trees, grass, water, rocks; all ordinary, extraordinarily beautiful.
A garden in Bar Harbor, Maine, June 2012
“Can I challenge you to a dare? Today, stop praying for anything other than the life you have!…before we begin the year, with a sense of adventure, give thanks for your most “ordinary” life. This is how the miracle begins, as we embark with a sense of adventure seeking the splendid in the simple gift of the everyday.”
— Sarah Ban Breathnach
One of my two all-time favorite movies is The Wizard of Oz, which I’ve always thought of (sometimes over the teasing of friends) as a story with many profound lessons. Through dazzling but difficult adventures, Dorothy learns that what she has been seeking has been hers all along. It’s a discovery I imagine that many of us need to make.
If the past 14 months have done nothing else for me (although they have done much), they have taught me the unsurpassed blessings that go with each moment of ordinary life. It’s something I knew intellectually for years, but recently I have been rather hit over the head with it, again and again. While these poundings have left me more than a little bewildered at times, they have provided a sort of clarity through which I am able to see things I didn’t see very well before.
What do you love most about your everyday life? Feel free to share these graces with us here. Reading of your joys, we will doubtless recognize common threads in our own amazing tapestries. Let’s keep weaving!
One year ago today
A white quilt
Fragile but unbroken, a shrub sleeps beneath a blanket of snow, January 2010.
“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.” ― Lewis Carroll
Snow can seem brutal when we have to shovel it, or when it freezes into hardened slush, dingy with vehicle dirt and exhaust. But when it first falls, it appears almost miraculous. It clings to the tiniest branches and leaves, and coats everything so evenly, blindingly white in the morning sun that is magnified by its brilliance. In most of the places we have lived, snow never fell at all, but even here in Virginia, when it does fall, its beauty is short-lived. No less remarkable for that brevity, though, and probably more enjoyable.
If you have snow today, I hope you can find beauty in it despite whatever inconvenience it brings to you. Feel free to send us some pretty snow scenes if you photograph any. Those of us in warmer climates might actually enjoy seeing a bit of fluffy white snow!
One year ago today
Actually see
Cyclamen brighten a gray January day in the Financial District of San Francisco, 2004.
“The beauty and mystery of this world only emerges through affection, attention, interest and compassion . . . open your eyes wide and actually see this world by attending to its colors, details and irony.” ― Orhan Pamuk
There’s a double blessing in opening our eyes to the world around us. Not only are we enriched by the joy and fascination of what we discover; we are also equipped, through our experiences, with greater resilience to weather our personal cares and sorrows. The world is full of wonders untainted by our individual misfortunes. Knowing this gives us perspective. As we pay attention, we store away mental treasures to enjoy when our immediate circumstances seem drab or discouraging.
Are there places you think of when you want a quick imaginary getaway? Mental snapshots of something lovely or memorable? Hold these gems close when winter closes in, and let them spark anticipation of what the year might bring. Feel free to share some of your favorite images that brighten cold or weary days.
One year ago today
Voices at the door
A doorway in Mykonos, Greece, May 2008.
“I sit beside the fire and think
Of all that I have seen
Of meadow flowers and butterflies
In summers that have been
Of yellow leaves and gossamer
In autumns that there were
With morning mist and silver sun
And wind upon my hair
I sit beside the fire and think
Of how the world will be
When winter comes without a spring
That I shall ever see
For still there are so many things
That I have never seen
In every wood in every spring
There is a different green
I sit beside the fire and think
Of people long ago
And people that will see a world
That I shall never know
But all the while I sit and think
Of times there were before
I listen for returning feet
And voices at the door”
One year ago today
So late so soon
Carla with a wall full of clocks at a bed and breakfast inn
in Placerville, California, December 2002.
“How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”
― Dr. Seuss
My sister Carla has been teaching children for nearly 40 years, and she shares my love for Dr. Seuss and all his wonderful, eminently sensible nonsense. With deceptive simplicity, his rhymes capture some fairly deep concepts along with more mundane sentiments all of us feel, such as the one above.
You are probably wondering, as I am, how on earth the past year has slipped away so quickly. For us it’s all the more amazing considering the trauma (foreseen and unforeseen) that came our way in 2013. It would seem that such agonies would be remembered as dragging on, lasting forever, but we passed from crisis to crisis so quickly that we could hardly catch a breath in between. The nearly two months of 2013 that were passed in hospital settings were like some sort of alternate universe, where time vanished rapidly as we scarcely noticed.
We can say with certainty that this is one year we will end with no regrets at its passing, even with all the blessings it held. Still, the joys of the year — the birth of our grandson, our quick getaways together, our amazed relief at all that Jeff has survived, and our gratitude for the friends and family, here and elsewhere, who kept us going — were rich indeed.
I hope that you, too, will end the year today with a sense of thankfulness (and maybe relief), as well as a feeling of optimism for 2014. Your presence here this year has been a gift, one that will be remembered fondly as long as we live.
The clocks are ticking…the end of 2013 approaches.
Click here for a HAPPY NEW YEAR wish!
One year ago today
Divine pleasures
Mama and Daddy always had a roaring fire going during winter.
“Surely everyone is aware of the divine pleasures which attend a wintry fireside; candles at four o’clock, warm hearthrugs, tea, a fair tea-maker, shutters closed, curtains flowing in ample draperies to the floor, whilst the wind and rain are raging audibly without.”
― Thomas De Quincey
Before Jeff’s surgery in November, when he was disappointed at the thought of spending Thanksgiving in the hospital, I reminded him that winter would be the best time of year to be at home recovering. We have enjoyed being indoors together on cold days, especially when it’s rainy or snowy. If you are having winter weather where you live, I hope you will join me in a cup of hot tea, cocoa or coffee, a good book, some lively conversation, or just a companionable silence. Winter can be nature’s way of telling us to slow down and take a break!
One year ago today
Defeat Despair 