Defeat Despair

The real secret

Julia ♦ June 22, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

The kitchen of the Tasha Tudor Dollhouse at Colonial Williamsburg, December 2004 —
A perfect example of fitting small things into small spaces!

“The real secret of how to use time is to pack it as you would a portmanteau, filling up the small spaces with small things.” — Sir Henry Haddow

Much has been written about the importance of prioritizing major tasks and important duties first, and fitting everything else in around them. But sometimes there still does not seem to be enough space for everything. Haddow is on the right track when he speaks of small spaces, those tiny slivers of time that cumulatively add up to a significant part of the day.

I find that there are quite a few such spaces in an average day, many of which seem to involve waiting on something or someone. Waiting for the water to boil for tea, waiting in a telephone hold queue, waiting for the computer to boot up, waiting for a bus or a subway train. Aside from carrying reading material of a type that can be easily read in short segments, there are probably many things we can do to pack those small spaces with small things.

Since I’ve often found myself in the kitchen while waiting, I have learned to do 60-second cleaning routines: wiping counters, scouring sinks, hand-washing a dish or two. I can get a lot done this way without feeling as if I’ve worked at all. In fact, I’ve discovered that it’s helpful, even when I have a long period of time available, to break distasteful chores into steps, so that I don’t feel as if I have a hour or two of drudgery ahead of me. Sometimes I’ll tell myself that I’ll work on something for ten minutes and then I can stop, but then when I get involved in whatever it is, I often keep working longer. Getting started really does seem to be half the battle sometimes,

Today, try giving yourself a five or ten minute assignment to work on something you’ve been putting off. You just might end up finishing a task you’ve been dreading, but even if you don’t, at least you’ve taken a small step, which might make the next ones easier to take. I wish you a productive day!

This post was originally published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Solace, inspiration, adventure

Julia ♦ June 21, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

Jeff and Matt stroll along the water’s edge at Acadia National Park, Maine, in September 2007

“Nature has been for me, for as long as I remember, a source of solace, inspiration, adventure, and delight; a home, a teacher, a companion.” — Lorraine Anderson

Whatever may be bugging you, I’ll bet it would be eased somewhat if you could manage a few moments to get away to a place without electronics, cars, concrete or advertising. A vacation to a gorgeous national or state park may not be possible (although I highly recommend saving and planning for one as soon as you can) but surely you are near a spot of green somewhere. A city park, a back yard, a pasture or forest, anywhere you can close your eyes and listen to birds and breezes, or open them and see grass, sand, trees or sky.

If you don’t have more than five minutes to spare today, do an online search for beautiful photos of nature. You’re likely to come up with some pretty scenes, many of which may be set to music in an online slide show designed to give people a quick nature fix. There is no more agreeable home, teacher or companion than God’s beautiful creation. I hope you will enjoy at least a few minutes of it today!

Resolved in the morning

Julia ♦ June 20, 2020 ♦ 4 Comments

Sleeping like a baby: Mama naps with her first grandchild, Ryan, in 1976

“It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.” — John Steinbeck

If you’re an insomniac, a night owl, or both (as I am) you have probably done a good bit of work and/or worry in the late hours of the evening, or even the wee hours of the morning. If so, you may have reluctantly concluded, as I did years ago, that staying up late does little to contribute to facing tough problems or challenges. I’ve watched early risers such as my husband for many years, and they are all fairly insistent about getting to bed at a reasonable hour. They are also, almost without exception, far more accomplished than I am.

Although it’s not in my nature to be an early-to-rise, early-to-bed sort, I’ve come to the inescapable conclusion that guarding my sleep habits to ensure at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night is one of the most important things I can do to preserve my own health and sanity. And I have to agree with Steinbeck that sleep often yields a mental clarity and focus that cuts through what seemed insurmountable obstacles the night before.

I’ve read that insomnia is an increasing problem in today’s world. Little wonder, with all that we have to keep us up at night. The bright side of this national sleep problem is that there are good, sound articles almost everywhere you look, online and in print, that include simple tips and information to help us maintain good sleep habits. I hope you are making sure to get adequate sleep. It’s one of the kindest things you can do for yourself, and ultimately, for all the people who are depending on you.

Just the thing

Julia ♦ June 19, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

Matt and Drew are among countless readers who love Eeyore. Walt Disney World, 1995

“Eeyore, what are you doing there?” said Rabbit

“I’ll give you three guesses, Rabbit. Digging holes in the ground? Wrong. Leaping from branch to branch of a young oak tree? Wrong. Waiting for somebody to help me out of the river? Right. Give Rabbit time, and he’ll always get the answer.”

“But, Eeyore,” said Pooh in distress, “what can we — I mean, how shall we — do you think if we –“

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “One of those would be just the thing. Thank you, Pooh.”

— Eeyore, as quoted by A. A. Milne

Don’t you just love Eeyore? Of course his gloom can be tiresome, but after awhile it becomes very endearing. And anyway, even those of us who are more like Tigger or Piglet or Pooh have at least a bit of Eeyore in us. Sometimes when we’re very tired and in need of help, the last thing we feel like doing is answering a lot of well-intended questions that only add to our exhaustion because they have no quick or easy answer — or, as in Eeyore’s situation above, the answer seems so obvious to us that it baffles us why anyone would need to ask.

Next time you’re having an Eeyore day (and maybe it’s today!) go easy on yourself and just accept being Eeyore for awhile. He may be a tad depressed, but he certainly has staying power! Just look how long he has lived, delighting the hearts of countless children for generations.

Being peace

Julia ♦ June 18, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

The Pentagon, as seen from Arlington National Cemetery, April 2012

“It is not by going out for a demonstration against nuclear missiles that we can bring about peace. It is with our capacity of smiling, breathing, and being peace that we can make peace.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

The tragedy is that the world is a very broken place, and probably always will be so. The beauty is that we can make it better.

If we allow ourselves to be distracted by cataclysmic events over which we have no control, we tend to let ourselves off the hook in terms of personal behavior. How righteous we feel as we rail against evil, while ignoring those who need us, who are nearby and would benefit from such small efforts.

Today, let’s all focus on making the world better, right where we are. Smile at people. Let cars merge in front of you in traffic. Give a cashier a sincere greeting and say “thank you.” Visit an elderly person who is unable to leave home and feels forgotten. Send a handwritten note to a relative who lives far away, to whom you haven’t written in years. Pretend, just for today, that it might be the last day you spend with your family or friends; how would you treat them?

If such deeds seem too small, tell yourself you will start there and move forward into greater efforts. You will be energized by the joy of showing compassion, mercy and friendship in small ways, thus being readied for larger things. Don’t be overwhelmed by the magnitude of evil and suffering. Become part of the even greater magnitude of all that is good, right and holy.

One who knows the way

Julia ♦ June 17, 2020 ♦ 5 Comments

A mother duck and her ducklings at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, May 2013

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way.”
— John C. Maxwell

As Reneé, Roger, Tammy and I walked through one of the outdoor courtyards at Walter Reed NMC, one of them said, “Look, a mother duck and her babies!” Naturally, I had to take some photos. It was really interesting to watch how the mother duck reacted to my presence, and how her nine ducklings responded to her every move. They were clearly accustomed to people, and showed no fear as long as we kept a distance. The mother would waddle along and the babies would hop along behind her, often in single file. But the instant she stopped — which she did whenever I got too close — the ducklings would cluster next to her and freeze until she moved again.

We watched them until they traversed the courtyard and turned into the bushes on the other side, although they froze several times when I approached, and their actions followed an amazingly identical pattern each time. As far as I could tell, she gave them no vocal signals, nor even a gesture with her wings, unless it was so subtle that I missed it. But her confidence must have been enough for the ducklings, who watched closely and imitated her actions without fail.

My best teachers in life are people I remember mostly for who they were and what they did, not for things they said. Certainly verbal instruction is an important skill, but no didactic lesson compares with an example in action. Wherever your career, interests or circumstances lead you, I hope you will have some great leaders who know, go and show…and maybe you can be one yourself!

More than a hundred

Julia ♦ June 16, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

Jeff and the boys at our home at Vandenberg AFB, California, December 1990

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” — George Herbert

Watching someone fight bravely the battles Jeff has fought these past 9 months, it’s easy to get overly sentimental about him. Yet I think I can say without exaggeration that I have never known a man more devoted to his wife and children than Jeff has been for over 30 years and counting.

When women think of ideal traits to look for in a husband, those who plan to have children would do well to prioritize qualities that make a man a good father. But this is a more complex task that it seems, as there is no “one size fits all” description of a good father. If I try to pin down one characteristic that seems to be an absolute requirement for parenthood, devotion is the quality that keeps coming to mind.

Devotion to family comes at a price, of course, especially when extraordinarily challenging situations arise. Hobbies are forgotten or nonexistent; career decisions and personal preferences take a backseat to the welfare of the children; at times one’s individual personality seems to vanish into the web of demands that shape every day. Usually, none of these sacrifices are obvious in a devoted father; they are so inseparable from his character that it’s easy to be fooled into thinking he’s sailing along, living the same life he might have lived without children. But those who look closely will know better.

Herbert touches on the truth about what makes a father’s role so unique. A devoted father teaches continually, sometimes with words but mostly by example, and the cumulative effect of being ever-present in his children’s lives is a more profound lesson than any educator can impart. I know, because I was blessed with a father whose example would be a hard act to follow. I thank God every day for giving me a husband more than equal to the task.

I have mixed emotions about Father’s Day as I do about Mother’s Day, because there are so many for whom this is not a happy occasion. But I hope that those who may feel that they don’t have much to celebrate on Father’s Day will find ways to honor the crucial and often unsung role that fathers play. However imperfect they may be, loving Daddies are almost everywhere we look: in history, in our extended families, in our local school or play group. If you didn’t have the kind of father you wished for, you can still be one, or see one, and be strengthened by the gifts only a father can give.

This post was originally published seven years ago today, which was Father’s Day in that year. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

One step at a time

Julia ♦ June 15, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

Visitors climb the Cahokia Indian Mounds near St. Louis, Missouri, April 2008

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

Years ago when I wanted to lose about 5 pounds, I was able to accomplish that goal by making just one small change. I worked on the third floor of a large building, and I began walking the two flights of stairs instead of using the elevator. Since my job involved some errands, I frequently made more than one trip up and down per day, but it was never unduly difficult or time consuming. In fact, I came to see that taking the stairs for just a couple of flights can often be quicker than an elevator, especially going down. In just a week or two, my weight had come down. I don’t think I ever took the elevator in that building again, even when I was pregnant.

Now when I’m with Jeff someplace and he wants to take the elevator, I take the stairs and see who gets there first. It’s a fun game for me, and a fairly painless way to get some exercise.

It’s tempting to look for shortcuts in life, but often we actually lose time by cutting corners. More importantly, being in a hurry adds immeasurably to our stress. No matter what I’m doing — driving, cooking, cleaning, or anything else — the amount of stress I feel is directly proportional to how quickly I’m trying to get finished. I think that principle applies to long range goals as well. When I start dwelling on all the goals I had hoped to accomplish by my mid-fifties, it can be downright depressing until I pay attention to what I have already done, and the direction in which I’m heading.

Next time you get impatient with your progress, whether it’s a big project or a small daily task, it might help to remind yourself that taking one step at a time will almost always get you there– and often, you’ll arrive in better shape for having allowed yourself to skip the shortcuts.

A place once visited

Julia ♦ June 14, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

City lights are enchanting, nowhere more so than in Venice in June 2008

City lights are enchanting, nowhere more so than in Venice. June 2008

“Venice appeared to me as in a recurring dream, a place once visited and now fixed in memory like images on a photographer’s plates…” — Gary Inbinder

Sometimes a place seems magical because of the circumstances of our time there, but some are inherently spellbinding. Venice is certainly such a place, especially as the daylight is waning and the lamps begin to sparkle.

I have fond memories of a night Jeff and I spent wandering among the canals and seemingly endless bridges, winding pathways through shops, restaurants and alleys, past silent buildings closed for the night. Moonlight and lamplight were reflected in the canals, and the music in St. Mark’s Square wafted over the breeze. The atmosphere was so thick that even several years later, it comes back vividly in my imagination, ever-alluring and probably slightly embellished by my memory.

What are your favorite enchanting places? Take a few minutes to daydream about your ideal visit there. Feel free to share a photo or a memory in the comments.

Delicate enjoyment

Julia ♦ June 13, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

A balcony with an inviting tea table overlooks Disneyland, July 2004

“Another novelty is the tea-party, an extraordinary meal in that, being offered to persons that have already dined well, it supposes neither appetite nor thirst, and has no object but distraction, no basis but delicate enjoyment.” — Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Whatever else can be said of contemporary culture, it seldom suggests “delicate enjoyment” or for that matter, delicate anything. We live in an age where “extreme” has somehow become a favorable concept, over-used by advertisers and enthusiasts.

Tea is a delightful exception. It comes in a wide array of flavors, but none of them are strong compared to most beverages. Its benefits, like its flavor, are subtle: calming, relaxing, mildly stimulating.

Sometimes I think that much of my enjoyment of tea comes from the simple but methodical preparation, which harmonizes perfectly with the leisurely sips taken during agreeable activities such as conversing, reading or merely gazing outside at a pretty landscape.

Today, I hope you will prioritize a few minutes of delicate enjoyment. If a cup of tea is “not your cup of tea” (sorry, I couldn’t resist) perhaps you can enjoy some soothing music or a few minutes of restful meditation. I think our lives could use a little more delicacy, don’t you?

A friend who cares

Julia ♦ June 12, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

Drew snapped this photo of Roger, Tammy, Reneé and me, just after we got the good news that Jeff's surgery had gone well. May 2013

Drew snapped this photo of Roger, Tammy, Reneé and me,
just after we got the good news that Jeff’s initial surgery had gone well. May 2013

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

On May 16, three people spent over six hours on the road, braving the legendary traffic of the DC area. They came from southeastern Virginia to Bethesda, Maryland to sit with Drew and me through the long hours of Jeff’s liver resection. It was a risky surgery that would involve more complications than we had anticipated, and aside from these three people, no one else was with us that day. Each of them, in different ways and at different times, has been there for us in the past, when we needed help that only they would give. And here they were again, with us on a crucial day, showing us that we mattered to them.

Roger is our minister from our Newport News church; Tammy is a dear friend and neighbor who feels more like family; Reneé is the dynamo who leaves such generous comments for me on this blog. She understands so much of my life because she has been in my shoes as few others have, and has shown me that it’s possible not only to survive, but to thrive.

These friends are close to us because of our shared faith, but also because over the years, they have cared for us in ways that set them apart. In being with us yet again on that long day, they have given me a gift of strength that has remained with me for days and weeks since. I draw comfort from looking at the photos of us taken that day, even as we continue to endure the long and uneven process of Jeff’s recovery, the outcome of which is still frighteningly uncertain, and seems to grow more worrisome each day. I will always be grateful that these special folks set aside an entire day to be with us in trying circumstances.

Let’s take a few minutes today to be thankful for those faithful friends who are willing to stay beside us during our most difficult hours. Life brings us all sorts of acquaintances who bless us in various ways, but it’s hard to imagine how we would survive without those very special individuals who are not afraid of the dark. Our gratitude goes out today to all who share sorrows as well as joys; may the compassion you show to others return to you a hundredfold.

God’s handwriting

Julia ♦ June 11, 2020 ♦ 7 Comments

The waterfront at Bar Harbor, Maine, June 2012

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting – a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.” —Charles Kingsley

Travel is one of my favorite ways of searching for lovely sights, but it’s not necessary to be in a gorgeous town such as Bar Harbor to catch glimpses of beauty. As Kingsley’s quote implies, it’s all around us if we welcome it.

Two practices have helped me feed my soul with beauty: walking, and taking photos. With the advent of digital photography, taking pictures is practically as inexpensive as walking. I hope you will welcome beauty wherever you find it, but today I especially encourage you to wander outdoors in search of “wayside sacraments” that are easy to miss in the rush of everyday life.

If you have a digital camera, try taking a few photos of what you find. You might be surprised how good a photographer you can be! But if you’d rather not take photos with a camera, take them with your eyes and memory. May we all cherish this “cup of blessing” that will lift our spirits, spark our creativity and energize our minds.

The celebration

Julia ♦ June 10, 2020 ♦ 12 Comments

Jeff and I celebrated our 20th anniversary by cruising Alaska with our sons in June 2000.

“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” — Paul Sweeney

This month, Jeff and I celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary. Without question the past year has been the most difficult and challenging time we have ever faced together, but the “together” part made it easier to bear.

Jeff and I both like Sweeney’s quote, and feel it’s an apt description of marriage. However, we cannot define what the “varied order” of these traits has been for us during the past year. We have needed an abundance of all five, and not just for each other, but also for the many people who have been part of our lives before and after Jeff’s diagnosis. As we continue to pray for many more years together, we will rely on each of these qualities to navigate the uncertain road that lies ahead of us.

The past year has taught us the true meaning of the vows we took 33 years ago “for better or worse.” We are thankful that the worse is made better when endured with determination to live out the qualities Sweeney mentions.

June has long been a popular time for weddings, so perhaps many readers of this blog will be celebrating an anniversary this month. If so, congratulations! May you be blessed with many more happy milestones. But keep in mind that the qualities Sweeney lists are helpful for everyone, in all types of situations, not just in marriage. Love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity — in varying order of importance, depending on the circumstances — are a good foundation for any life. I wish you the best of each!

This post was first published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Whatever we lose

Julia ♦ June 9, 2020 ♦ 5 Comments

A path to the beach on Captiva Island, Florida, January 2013

“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves that we find in the sea”
—E. E. Cummings

I can scarcely remember a time when I went to the beach without these words from Cummings’ lovely poem running through my head. How simply and perfectly he captures the endless allure of the ocean!

I feel fortunate to have lived within an easy drive to the ocean for most of the past thirty years. But even when I cannot go there physically, the peace I have found at the seashore stays with me in memory. Perhaps that’s why I so love gathering seashells and pebbles made smooth by the water.

If you are unable to get to a beach today, maybe you can take a few minutes to go there in your imagination, aided by free downloads like this one or the one embedded below. Lots of similar sounds and videos are available free online – happy beachcombing!

Rejoicing that I’m still here

Julia ♦ June 8, 2020 ♦ 8 Comments

Daddy on his 80th birthday with his lifelong friend and fellow pilot,
my beloved “Uncle Tuffy” April 2008

“Getting older is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wake up every morning rejoicing that I’m still here with an opportunity to begin again and be better.”
— Oprah Winfrey

A long life is a decidedly mixed blessing. Those of us who make it to our eighth and ninth decades will do so enduring many losses: of our physical strength, of many of the people we love best, and of the world as it was for most of our lives. Still, I appreciate Winfrey’s take on getting older, and I think it can apply to all of us, no matter our age.

What a gift it is to be alive and start a new day! I have never seen this gift with more clarity than I do after the past six months. I hope you will join me in resolving to regard life as the blessing it is, regardless of the pains that come along with it. Today is a precious opportunity, one I am determined not to squander.

This post was first published seven years ago today. During that seven years, both Daddy and Tuffy have passed from this life, but their influence lives on in the many happy memories of their faithful lives and love for others.

The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Blinking once-sealed eyes

Julia ♦ June 7, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

The baby robins open their eyes and prepare for rapid growth, May 2005

“I do not know what I am doing. But just like a baby bird, I am blinking once-sealed eyes and unfolding damp wings.” —Julie Gregory

No matter how old we grow, life forces us to keep learning. Sometimes it helps to re-frame even the most difficult experiences as opportunities to increase our competence, tenacity or courage. When the full force of Jeff’s stage IV diagnosis came crashing down on our heads, there was a period of shock and grief, and then a tentative, logical period of weighing options and making plans for various scenarios.

During this time I gradually became aware of the many things in our personal histories that had prepared us for navigating these ominous passages. Jeff had extensive experience and training, up through the post-doctoral level, as a military medical officer whose responsibilities went far beyond that of the typical dentist. In a general way he knew a good bit about what would be facing him. I had worked as an administrative assistant in an NIH-funded brain tumor study at the medical center where Jeff went to dental school, and much of the lingo, practices and atmosphere of the chemotherapy clinic were familiar to me. Most significantly, for over 27 years we had been riding the waves of Matt’s major surgeries and ongoing medical challenges.

At one point I told Jeff and others close to me, “We have been preparing for this situation for 27 years.” It’s true that the obstacles facing us are very different than anything we’ve faced before, with unprecedented potential consequences. But remembering what we’ve already been through has helped us muster the confidence, however shaky, that we can and will get through this together.

Whatever obstacles lie ahead of you, chances are you have somehow been prepared for it in at least a few ways, whether or not you feel conscious of it. As the baby bird struggles through growth guided mostly by instinct, I hope you will reach back into your inner resources and reassure yourself that you have what it takes to find the right direction and make it through the often-frightening learning curve ahead. As lonely as it may feel, others have walked the path before you, and emerged victorious. Vaya con Dios!

Produced in a garden

Julia ♦ June 6, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

The St. John City Market, New Brunswick, Canada, September 2007

“For all things produced in a garden, whether of salads or fruits, a poor man will eat better that has one of his own, than a rich man that has none.” — J. C. Loudon

We are now approaching the time of year when those of us just coming out of springtime will soon be able to enjoy fresh, locally grown produce. As fortunate as we are to be able to buy almost anything we want shipped in year round, there’s nothing like eating something that was very recently harvested to add a new dimension to understanding the word “fresh.”

Ripe fruit has an appeal to me that rivals any confection, and when I keep it on hand, washed, sliced and ready to eat, I’m less tempted by cookies and ice cream. Most vegetables are an acquired taste for me, as they may be for you, but corn on the cob, tomatoes and lima beans have always been among my favorite foods. The first time I grew my own backyard tomato and tasted the difference between it and one from the supermarket, I remembered why I had loved the tomatoes that came from Mom’s garden.

How lucky that these earthy treats are also super-nutritious for us! I wish for you a season of abundant, delicious produce, from your own garden, a market or a nearby roadside stand. As Loudon knew, it’s an unparalleled form of wealth and health.

The true traveler

Julia ♦ June 5, 2020 ♦ 10 Comments

Jeff, Matt and Drew strolling in Philadelphia, July 2007

“The true traveler is he who goes on foot, and even then, he sits down a lot of the time.” — Colette

Of all the reasons I love walking, travel may be the most lasting. I have done a good bit of traveling since I was a girl, and as far back as I can remember, the most remarkable things I saw were seen on foot and not through the window of a tour bus. I am fascinated by the accounts of those who traverse a country or even a continent on foot. I think it would be wonderful to have that much time to simply take in new surroundings every day.

Of course, as Colette points out, part of the secret lies in taking the time. Very few of us will be able to spend a month or even a week traveling on foot, but I encourage you to experiment with walking at times you might normally drive or ride. You’ll see things in a whole new way, and you might even find interesting discoveries that await, now unknown to you, just outside your front door, down your street or in your home town.

A palace untouched

Julia ♦ June 4, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

This December 2002 photo of sea anemones from the Monterey Aquarium
is one of the first digital photos I ever took.

“A palace untouched by human hand, with its gardens of rock and water where living creatures play the part of flowers…” — Philippe Diole

Reading descriptions of the form and function of the sea anemone brings to mind horror movies or frightful science fiction. “Venom-filled tentacles…harpoon-like filament…paralyzing neurotoxin…helpless prey.” Really? But look how beautiful they are. Which somehow makes them even more eerie.

I prefer to think of them in the far more appealing terms used by Diole. These creatures certainly do appear to play the undersea part of the flowers for which they were named, and I’m thankful to be able to see them in all their colorful glory…through the thick glass of an aquarium tank. Diole and his colleague, Jacques-Yves Cousteau, have given us a front row seat to some of the most amazing phenomena of nature, sans discomfort, expense or danger on our part.

Every day we benefit from the daring and diligence of bold explorers and the conscientious curators of their discoveries. I hope you will make time soon to browse through a big colorful book, or maybe even visit a museum, to enjoy the wonders of environments far different from the ones with which you’re familiar.

Irrevocably a reader

Julia ♦ June 3, 2020 ♦ 12 Comments

Drew and Matt in 1991, very different minds but both irrevocable readers.

“At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book—that string of confused, alien ciphers—shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader.”
— Alberto Manguel

It’s never to late to have this magical instant happen in your life. It doesn’t matter if you were a poor reader in school. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t the academic star. It doesn’t matter if your present circumstances are limited. Reading can soothe or stimulate your mind, feed your imagination and set you free from isolation, boredom and despair. If you can read these words, you can open the door to visit new universes. What a magnificent gift; an unparalleled opportunity to grow. Go for it!

Make them carry you

Julia ♦ June 2, 2020 ♦ 2 Comments

A windmill at Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia, August 2005

“If the winds of fortune are temporarily blowing against you, remember that you can harness them and make them carry you toward your definite purpose, through the use of your imagination.” — Napoleon Hill

Windmills are a visually appealing reminder that forces beyond our control can be turned to good purpose. Wind-driven machines have been around in some form for centuries, in many different parts of the world. Over time they evolved to become increasingly sophisticated and efficient at grinding grain and pumping water. Their value grew with these refinements until new technologies rendered them largely obsolete.

I can’t help but wonder whether any of today’s innovations will ever appear as quaint and decorative as the historic windmills that survive today, some of which have been restored to functional operation. Next time you see a windmill, let it remind you of what is possible when we learn to manage and adapt to uncontrollable circumstances, turning random or unpredictable events into opportunities for healing and growth.

Daylight in the mind

Julia ♦ June 1, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

I photographed these sunflowers at San Juan Capistrano in July 2004

I photographed these sunflowers at Mission San Juan Capistrano in July 2004

“Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind, and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.” — Joseph Addison

Have you ever had one of those days when you felt angry at the world? Maybe even for no particular reason? It’s awful to be caught in that cycle of negativity that seems to just spiral down, down, down. At such times, perhaps a bit of forced cheerfulness would help.

Easier said than done, of course, but at least there are plenty of ways to deliberately elevate the mood. Unfortunately, we sometimes choose the wrong refuge when we feel out of sorts. I think it’s wise to make some premeditated decisions about how to handle– or NOT handle– your next episode of doom, gloom, or discontent.

Bad idea: collapse in front of the TV and zone out on whatever it sends your way: noisy commercials, depressing re-runs, or overly dramatized “tragic news!”

Good idea: choose a funny video to watch, do a word search for “hilarious pet videos” on YouTube, or look at some of the happiest photos you can find.

Bad idea: consume an entire bag of chips, box of donuts, or carton of ice cream (eating directly out of the container, of course)

Good idea: savor a cup of coffee or tea, a piece of fruit, or a single really delicious piece of chocolate

Bad idea: complain, procrastinate, and generally wallow in the muddy mire of your worst circumstances

Good idea: take a walk with some energetic tunes on your portable player, dance to some funky music, or tackle a project you’ve been avoiding and promise yourself a reward when you finish – then DO it!

If it’s a dark and stormy night in your mind, remember that you have the power to switch on the daylight. It may feel awkward and fake at first, but chances are you really will end up in a happier place than when you started. Send me a smile!

The incubator of the spirit

Julia ♦ May 31, 2020 ♦ 3 Comments

The Lincoln Memorial provides a space for solitude in crowded DC, April 2012

“The great omission in American life is solitude; not loneliness, for this is an alienation that thrives most in the midst of crowds, but that zone of time and space, free from the outside pressures, which is the incubator of the spirit.” — Marya Mannes

I relish solitude, but loneliness is one of the most painful emotions I know of. It’s tricky at times to figure out where the difference lies, but I think loneliness comes over us when we feel as if no one understands, knows or cares about what we are experiencing. When I maintain ties to people I love– which takes mutual time and effort– I can experience endless hours of solitude and love every minute.

Perhaps solitude is increasingly omitted from American life partly because most of us do fear loneliness. But ironically, as Mannes points out, loneliness is never more troublesome than when we feel it in the midst of a crowd.

I believe that part of the allure of the admittedly risky profusion of online social networking lies in the ability to connect to others with whom we share common thoughts, impressions and emotions. While online contact can never take the place of face-to-face interaction, it does allow us to gather into “tribes” of other humans who have similar interests, burdens, challenges or goals. This sharing adds a wonderful dimension to life for many of us who connect through words and photos.

Still, it’s important to leave “that zone of time and space” apart from the noise of life. Many of us are fortunate to have spouses, friends or family members who understand and honor our need for solitude. With such companions, or alone, I hope you will find some time and space today for your spirit to be nourished by quiet.

Joy untroubled

Julia ♦ May 30, 2020 ♦ Leave a comment

Mama’s cockatiel, Pumpkin, loved to eat off Daddy’s plate. August 2005

“Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I don’t know of anything that can lighten the mood as much as a cute or playful animal. I realize many situations make it impossible to have a pet in the home, but I hope everyone has the chance to make friends with at least one or two animals, even if you have to visit other people’s pets. The therapeutic effect of interacting with an animal can cut through stress with a relaxing joy not found anywhere else.

During the long months of Jeff’s chemotherapy, we would occasionally have delightful visits with some of the therapy dogs that work at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda. The dogs were polite and well trained, really impressive with their obedience to their handlers and their sociable approaches to each person in the room. Seeing the dogs in their military garb (wearing camouflage jackets with ranks and other insignias) always brought a smile to our faces. They spread cheer to so many people facing illness and sorrow.

Your animal friends might be wild birds and squirrels, farm chickens, sheep or goats, or a household bird, fish, cat, or dog. Whatever creature you choose (or whatever chooses you), I wish you the peace, comfort, laughter and fun of watching an animal today.

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Flowers are the music

Julia ♦ May 29, 2020 ♦ 6 Comments

A garden at the Edelweiss Lodge, Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany, August 2005

“Flowers are the music of the ground…” — Edwin Curran

For many Americans my age or older, it’s almost impossible to visit the Bavarian Alps without remembering the opening scenes from the movie The Sound of Music. So Curran’s quote seemed appropriate for this photo of a garden in Garmisch-Partenkirchen. If you’ve ever been to Bavaria in the summer, you know that the hills and villages really are alive, and not just with the sound of music, but also the sight of it. Seemingly everywhere, there are symphonies of flowers in all colors, decorating buildings with charming window boxes, and lining the walkways with bright borders.

The breathtaking Alpine views would be gorgeous enough without added beauty, but the locals must have been so inspired by living amid such scenery that they have created towns that complement rather than detract from the natural splendor. The picturesque shutters and balconies of the chalets are a perfect enhancement to the stunning backdrop of the mountains. But it’s the flowers that bring the scenes to life, completing the fairy-tale enchantment of this beautiful part of the world.

Flowers add visual music everywhere, of course. What are your local flowers playing today? Take some time to enjoy “listening” to their songs!