Defeat Despair

If you removed the rocks

Julia ♦ June 2, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

The flowers and grass are lovely, but the rocks add something too.
Montreal Botanical Garden, May 2009

“The brook would lose its song if you removed the rocks.” — Fred Beck

I’ve written about flowers here too many times to remember, but today I’d like to acknowledge that life is also enhanced by those objects and events that are less flashy, less exciting, and maybe somewhat difficult.

What, after all, would be the point of a vacation if there was nothing to vacate? Without the weekdays, there could be no weekend, and holidays would hardly be special if the everydays were not more numerous.

If today or this week or this month seems hard or dull or too typical, use your imagination to recapture a bit of that delicious feeling of returning home after a long trip and sleeping in your own bed. Or the pleasure of curling up in the evening with a good book after a long, grinding day. Or even just a few minutes sitting down with a cup of tea or coffee after you’ve been on your feet for awhile.

All these joys are brought to you by the more tiring business (and busyness) of life, which makes the special moments possible, and shines a bright light in their direction. So if you encounter rocks today — which you almost certainly will — remember they are part of the music.

One year ago today:

Make them carry you

This post was first published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Grace will lead

Julia ♦ June 1, 2021 ♦ 6 Comments

Grace is the bridge that leads us over depths of despair and danger. Natural Bridge, Virginia, July 2005

Grace is the bridge that upholds us as we encounter depths of despair and danger.
Natural Bridge, Virginia, July 2005

“Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.”— John Newton

Two weeks ago today, I was able to worship with our church family for the first time in a month. Because Matt still had fluid on his lungs and was not allowed to go (per doctor’s orders), Jeff stayed with him and I went alone. But once I got there, I was not alone. I sat between two of my Christian sisters who have been providing me with unfailing emotional support for years.

That morning, as we sang the lovely words quoted above, of course I thought of my own family and all we have been through for the past 18 months. But more than that, I thought of the remarkable women sitting on either side of me, singing these words they have lived out before my eyes.

One of these sisters endured the unfaithfulness of a spouse who left her for her erstwhile best friend, and as if that were not enough, their son was later shot through the head, miraculously surviving extensive damage, although he now is blind for life. The other sister cared for her son through years of muscular dystrophy, before he died in his late twenties.

Here’s the amazing part: both these women did far more than survive these heartbreaks. They are two of the most consistently cheerful, positive and faith-filled people I know. Both of them tell me it took years of struggle and bitterness to get where they now are. When I thank them for providing me with such an inspiring example of fortitude, both tell me that only the grace of God can explain it.

As an aside, my friend’s son who now lives with blindness is one of the most jovial people you will ever meet. He never fails to spread joy, faith and hope with his public and private comments to his brothers and sisters at church services.

With such examples in my life, how can I NOT feel blessed and upheld?

Look around you – I feel certain you, too, have such sources of strength in your world. Seek out these people. Embrace them, watch them, witness the lessons they teach — usually without a word — as they continue on a life journey fraught with dangers, toils and snares.

Grace will lead us home, and we will not get there alone. We are “surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses” to inspire us as we face obstacles and challenges. Let’s be part of that group spreading hope and faith as we survive, and even thrive, throughout whatever we may be facing.

One year ago today:

Daylight in the mind

The suffering

Julia ♦ May 31, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

A partial view of the Korean War Veterans Memorial, Washington, DC, March 2005

Your silent tents of green
We deck with fragrant flowers;
Yours has the suffering been,
The memory shall be ours. — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For Earl Glenn Cobeil, his family, and all whose suffering and sacrifice we remember today.

One year ago on Memorial Day:

Their courage

This post was first published seven years ago on Memorial Day. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Perversely human

Julia ♦ May 30, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

There was nothing that seemed wild about this wild visitor on May 14, 2014

Nothing seemed wild about this wild visitor to our Alexandria home. May 14, 2014

“It is a perversely human perception that animals in their native habitat are running wild.” — Robert Brault

This quote started me thinking about the terms “wild animals” and “in the wild.” I concluded that the word “wild” has mutated into a variety of meanings, and is often applied to human behaviors that would never be found among the animals, though we might flatter ourselves that unrestrained or nefarious human conduct is something also found in nature, falsely equated with “freedom.”

In reality, animals in their natural habitats are still constrained, if not directly by humans, by nature itself. Weather, food supply (or lack thereof), disease and other animals all exert a powerful influence, as do the patterns of behavior that we think of as instinct. Anyone who has ever watched a bird methodically assembling a nest or feeding its young would have to conclude that some humans could benefit from such “wild” diligence.

Living in the most urban environment I can remember, I have been surprised to have more interaction with undomesticated animals than I have had in most other places I’ve lived. The birds, deer, rabbits and squirrels that visit our townhome have a boldness in proximity to humans that I’ve not seen before. While I enjoy it, I also wonder whether it’s not worrisome, for us and for them.

In any case, it’s always a delight to see them, which almost always happens when Jeff spots them first and calls me to point them out. The next time you see “wild” animals, I hope you will take some time to enjoy watching them and reflecting on whether their actions might have as much (or more) purpose as many of ours do!

One year ago today:

Joy untroubled

Sunshine, food and medicine

Julia ♦ May 29, 2021 ♦ 7 Comments

Double pink tulips at Keukenhof, in the Netherlands, March 2007 – instant happiness!

“Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine to the mind.” — Luther Burbank

As a person who tends to be ~~cheap~~ frugal, spending money on fresh flowers is something that doesn’t come easily for me. But the benefits of having them around more than make up for what we spend. Besides, we’ve found ways to make this joy available for very little cost.

I haven’t had much luck growing the types of flowers that are ideal for cut flower arrangements, but often I can pick up a bouquet of fresh flowers at the grocery store — sometimes even at markdown prices, if I go in the evenings or right after a big holiday — and arrange them in a container, filling in with greenery and flowers from my yard that aren’t enough to fill a vase on their own. The arrangement I pictured in this post is an example of markdown flowers I supplemented with clippings from our plants.

Over time, I’ve learned which cut flowers tend to last the longest, and I change the water often to keep them fresh. There are times when we’ve enjoyed an arrangement for a week or more, and every time we walk into the kitchen, it gives us a quick boost to our spirits.

Of course, the mood-elevating effect is multiplied many times over when seeing flowers that are growing outdoors in yards or gardens, and those offer shared enjoyment for all who pass. One reason I love walking so much is the chance to see more fresh, gorgeous flowers in less than an hour’s time than I might see in a week if I didn’t walk. The time our neighbors spend on their lawns and gardens is a gift to me that I would hate not to open.

Luther Burbank was a man of science who was not indulging in fancy when he attributed mental health benefits to flowers. Studies such as this one indexed at the National Library of Medicine establish data-based support for the quote above. Though viewing images of flowers and foliage is also helpful, this study and others document that nothing is quite equal to the neurophysiological effect of the real thing.

I’ve come to view whatever I spend on flowers, whether in a garden, in a bouquet at home, or as a gift to someone else, as an investment in mental health, one that is sorely needed in modern life. Today, I hope you’ll find a few minutes to enjoy some fresh flowers, whether in your own yard, on a stroll or on a quick run to the grocery store. Flowers are truly medicine to the mind!

One year ago today:

Flowers are the music

The voice of the sea

Julia ♦ May 28, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

A Pacific coast view from Santa Cruz, California, August 2003

“The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation.” — Kate Chopin

The California Coast is wild and beautiful, rocky and cold, pounded relentlessly by crashing surf. Though much of it is not suitable for swimming, it’s as appealing to me — perhaps more — as if it was. No matter where I visit the sea, I find the same invitation to solitude that Chopin describes here.

I’ve noticed when I see people at the seashore together, I seldom see them talking with each other as they stroll along the water’s edge. Perhaps their voices would be lost in the auditory medley of surf, wind and gulls crying overhead. But I think it’s simply that no words are necessary, or adequate, when taking in the beauty of such settings. The solitude is pervasive even when we aren’t there alone.

Abysses of solitude and mazes of inward contemplation are indulgences, of course; few of us can afford much time by the sea, whether literally or only in our minds. But measured doses of it are healthy, even essential. Probably you can’t get away to the coast today, but you can take a brief mental respite in your imagination. To kick-start your visual daydreaming, enjoy a few minutes of this hour-long video of the California coast. If you don’t mind the silent promotional subtitles telling you where you can buy it, you can watch it for free.

One year ago today:

The cure for anything

A wonderful position

Julia ♦ May 27, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

These statues in Newnan, Georgia convey the free-spirited confidence of children.
March 2014

“I’m in a wonderful position: I’m unknown, I’m underrated, and there’s nowhere to go but up.” ― Pierre S. DuPont IV

I loved this quote the moment I saw it, and I thought immediately of how it feels to be a child or a young person. Though few, if any, children will think in precisely those words, DuPont has captured much of the youthful optimism so many of us have in the early years of life.

Then disappointment, failure and trouble set in, and we grow a bit wiser, but sadder. However, for many of us, the spirit of this quote holds true regardless of our age. Anonymity can be a blessing — just ask any superstar who can’t escape the paparazzi — and if we feel underrated at times, that simply means people will appreciate us more later, after they get to know us better.

Today, I hope you can take a few minutes to remember your happiest, most optimistic days of youth, when the world seemed full of possibilities. Though you may not realize it, you have many advantages over that callow, somewhat naive youngster you used to be. Reach back and grab a little of the energy and anticipation you had as a child, to mix with the sagacity that only comes with maturity. It will be a formidable combination.

One year ago yesterday:

More than logical

The rest of the mind

Julia ♦ May 26, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

The attic of Robert Frost’s farm was cool, dark and soothingly quiet.
Derry, New Hampshire, September 2012

“True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.” — William Penn

I can’t remember anyone ever describing me as a quiet person, but even so, I am continually amazed at how noisy the world is becoming. Jeff and I can hardly stand to go to restaurants at the busiest times of the day, because the music and din of many conversations get so loud. At the movie theater, it feels as if the sound is up at too high a volume. Most radio stations seem to be one jangly commercial after another, sending us to public radio for relief, and I completely avoid watching television.

At a time in history when most of us are overwhelmed by too much stimulation and too many things to think about, I would expect everyone to seek and crave quiet places. Yet everywhere we go, it only gets louder. Now even the computer occasionally stages surprise attacks, with noisy pop-up ads at full volume, even when the pop-up blocker is on.

Recently when Matt was in the hospital, I went out to the garage to get some things from the car while Jeff was in the room with Matt. On impulse, I just sat in the car for a few minutes with the doors and windows closed, enjoying the quiet and privacy I had been missing for more than a week. It was quite therapeutic, a balm after the stress of the hospital setting.

I’ve known people who say that too much quiet is just as disturbing to them as too much noise, but I’m not one of those people. I love to be home with total calm, where I can hear the sounds of birds, rain or the mail truck even when the windows are closed. Oddly, I have a bad habit of talking too loudly myself (especially when I’m excited or angry), but I think silence is golden.

How about you? Do you like to take breaks from noise, or even from pleasant sounds such as music, to have a few minutes (or hours) of total quiet? Next time you are feeling stressed out or fed up, try to find a place where you can escape to silence and rest your mind.

One year ago today:

The incubator of the spirit

This post was first published seven years ago on May 31. The date was swapped to allow shifting the Memorial Day post (which fell on May 26 that year) to Memorial Day this year. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Imaginary walking

Julia ♦ May 25, 2021 ♦ 3 Comments

This quiet wooded trail runs directly behind our town home in Alexandria. May 2014

“One kind of walking which I do not recall seeing mentioned anywhere in the literature of the subject is imaginary walking.” ― Edwin V. Mitchell

This post is for Bindu, who took me on an imaginary walk via her blog almost a year ago.

A couple of weeks ago when Matt and I had been at the hospital most of the day for his post-operative check-ups and testing, I came in and glanced at the blog comments quickly before dinner and walking.

I noticed Bindu had remarked that she hasn’t been able to enjoy walking as much lately, so I decided I would take her along on my walk — in my imagination, of course — and take some photos to send to her. The late afternoon atmosphere was PERFECT, not too hot and not too cool, only a faint breeze, and the birds were out celebrating in grand style.

There are a few twists and turns, but it’s mostly the same scenery.

The actress Diane Keaton came with us too, via her self-narrated audiobook Let’s Just Say It Wasn’t Pretty, but her stream-of-consciousness chat about the nature of beauty was only playing for part of the walk. The rest of the time, we listened to the gorgeous music of the birds. I wished I had been able to take a video so you could hear how pretty they sounded, but alas! the memory card in my camera was too full for a video.

It’s wonderfully cool here, even on hot days, and dogs and joggers love to run here.

In any case, here are the photos, and I conveniently neglected to picture any of us — so you can put yourself in the picture, and come along. After all, imaginary walks can be taken again and again, and you can bring anyone you want!

If you are unable to get outside for a real walk today, try taking an imaginary one. You can have music, an audiobook, the sound of birds, or just blissful silence. You can have mountains or trees or beaches or snow or an ever-changing vista with all of the above. Imaginary walks are great fun!

One year ago today:

A walk will do more good

An early-rising, hard-working city

Julia ♦ May 24, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

Despite bad press and perpetual complaints, a lot of good stuff happens here. April 2014

Despite bad press and perpetual complaints, a lot of good stuff happens here.
And yes, a lot of money gets wasted, too. April 2014

“For the people in government, rather than the people who pester it, Washington is an early-rising, hard-working city. It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.” — P. J. O’Rourke

Say what you want about Washington DC, but in my opinion, P. J. O’ Rourke is right. (In my opinion, P. J. is almost always right, but that’s a different topic.) People do rise early and work hard here. I’ve been watching them do so, or sleeping through them doing so, for four years now. It amazes me how early my husband and my neighbors get up and out each morning. OK, so maybe it’s primarily because of mostly unsuccessful efforts to beat the traffic, but still.

At the risk of stirring up a hornet’s nest, I want to say that I honestly believe most of our politicians and their staff work pretty hard. That’s not to say that they all are correct, wise or even honest. But they do work hard. For a variety of reasons too long to go into here, I’ve had occasion to be in fairly close proximity with state and federal elected officials in several different situations, and I find it tiring to experience just one day — or part of a day — of what they live through EVERY TIME they go to work.

People think of politicians as doing a lot of talking, but it seems to me that what they do most is listen, listen, listen — to each other, to their constituents, to the press, to other governmental officials, to lobbyists, and to everyday people who speak to them, formally and informally, on various issues of concern.

Whether you are happy or unhappy with your local state senator and/or U. S. Congressman, I have a suggestion that might be eye-opening: get to know them. Ask for their assistance if there’s an ongoing issue you’ve been unable to resolve. Request a meeting with them. Let them know how you feel about what is going on, and how you wish they would vote. You might be surprised how available they are to you, how patiently they will listen, how sincerely they will make an effort to help.

For the most part, I have been impressed with those I have contacted (except for one particular U. S. Senator ~~named Barbara B~~ who will go unnamed here, but even then, her fellow U. S. Senator was as responsive as her colleague was useless, under extremely difficult post-9/11 circumstances). Several times I’ve had individual situations that might never have been solved without the direct intervention of a Congressman, and I’ve had help from both parties, both sides of the aisle. That’s the truth.

When I first started approaching my elected officials for help, I didn’t know anyone in government, had no special connections, no influence, nothing at all that got me any privileges. All I did was ask, and sometimes, keep asking. Try it! You never know what might come of it. I can speak from experience on that one!

One year ago today:

The promise of the city

Recognize each other

Julia ♦ May 23, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

Look at all these fascinating people! And there are more who aren’t represented here…

“Whether delivering information, opinions, perspectives, dissenting arguments or humorous asides, the human voice is typically open, natural, uncontrived. People recognize each other as such from the sound of this voice. The Internet is enabling conversations among human beings that were simply not possible in the era of mass media.” — Levine, Locke, Searls & Weinberger, in The Cluetrain Manifesto

Whatever else can be said about technology, it has broken the stranglehold on information dissemination that was formerly held almost exclusively by powerful media groups. It also has enabled interactive exchanges of information, opinion, experience and outright fun. What an amazing development for all of us!

There are some who connect with others best through reading, and some of these readers also connect through writing. No matter which is more descriptive of you, the means of connecting to others have never been more varied, accessible and relatively inexpensive. I’m so thankful for that! Getting to know you is a pleasure.

Contrary to what some may believe, many of us who connect with each other online are gregarious types who have interesting friends and a rich set of experiences in “real life.” Social media and blogging have simply added to that already detailed picture. For more than a few of us, blogging was a big surprise; an unexpectedly versatile and unique hobby that pays worthwhile dividends for the time we invest in it.

However you got here, whenever you come, we are happy to have you join us!

One year ago on today:

But then you read

Mere living

Julia ♦ May 22, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

Indian Hunter by John Quincy Adams Ward, Central Park, New York City; May 2007

“How good is man’s life, the mere living!” — Robert Browning

Can we really comprehend the meaning of the phrase “mere living?” If so, probably never as clearly as when we come face to face with the reality of our life’s inevitable end, whether soon or years from now. I wish for you today a keen awareness of how good it is merely to be alive. No matter what else is happening right now, regardless of the pains or sorrows we may be enduring, it’s a privilege to be here. I almost forgot that truth once, but I honestly believe I will never forget it again.

One year ago today:

An honor to live

Colorful beacons

Julia ♦ May 21, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

One of hundreds of beautiful orchids that brought me sunshine at the U. S. Botanic Garden, April 2014

“Flowers are those little colorful beacons of the sun from which we get sunshine when dark, somber skies blanket our thoughts.” — Dodinsky

On the Saturday after Matt had open heart surgery, he seemed to be doing well enough that I decided to take Jeff’s suggestion and go down to the Capitol area to visit the U. S. Botanic Garden, where a special orchid exhibit was in its final day. I hesitated but Jeff reminded me that he would be there with Matt, and I might not get the chance to get out again anytime soon. So I had a nice few hours out, losing my worries and exhaustion just briefly in the lovely colors and beautiful, mild spring day.

When I got back that night, Matt had taken a turn for the worse, and the next few days were more difficult. He did not leave the CICU until Tuesday, and it would be another full week before he was able to go home. I’m glad I did not know all that was ahead of us on the Saturday I enjoyed the orchids. It would have been overwhelming, and I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed myself even if I had managed to talk myself into leaving for a few hours. But as it turned out, I needed the emotional boost I got that day, to help me make it through the next ten days.

If anything is bothering you, I hope you will be able to steal away today, or as soon as the weather is nice, for a quick springtime walk. You can enjoy the fresh air and catch the glow of the flowers, beacons that soak up sunshine for for a showy display to lift our spirits when we need it most.

One year ago today:

The sense of the beautiful

Utterly unforeseen

Julia ♦ May 20, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

A day of merriment and monkey business in Roatan, Honduras, March 2011

“…since life has an agonizing tendency to offer us the best and the worst at the same time, to give us what we ask for in an utterly unforeseen form, even fairly predictable outcomes prove unrecognizable upon arrival.” – Robert Leleux

Even on vacation — or maybe I should say “especially on vacation” — things can go wrong. (Just see Barb’s post here for proof of that.) On our most recent Caribbean cruise, we got the unwelcome news that one of the stops we had most looked forward to had been changed due to some weather-related reason. We would be docking at a different destination that day. After a bit of disappointment, we decided to make lemonade from the lemons and do something we almost never do; buy a ship-sponsored tour.

Normally, I have no interest in packaged tours. I like to travel “off the beaten path” which saves money and feels more like an authentic experience of wherever we are. I actually prefer using the local public transportation to an air-conditioned tour bus, and it’s sometimes way more, shall we say, exciting — or at least more interesting.

But I didn’t have time to make a plan for this new arrival spot, and we didn’t want to waste the day, so we opted for a mostly self-guided tour of a local nature preserve. It turned out the be the highlight of the trip. It was my first and only chance to interact with monkeys who were not in some sort of cage. That alone would have made it worthwhile, but the entire day was fabulous, with beautiful foliage and flowers, funny animals to watch, and swaying rope-suspended bridges to cross.

Cruises tend to be fairly predictable, and that’s one reason Jeff likes them so much. But even with a schedule, life is ALWAYS unpredictable, and some of our happiest gifts arrive in wrapping that might be unfamiliar or even distasteful to us at first. I’ve come to the conclusion that being flexible in such situations is a key to defeating despair. Besides saving us a great deal of frustration, it can open doors to adventures we didn’t know we wanted.

Have you ever had something wonderful show up in an unrecognizable form on arrival?

One year ago today:

Expect nothing

The duty to try

Julia ♦ May 19, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

This modest tribute to Lewis and Tolkien adorns a wall in the Eagle and Child, the Oxford pub where they met with friends. December, 2005

This modest tribute to Lewis and Tolkien adorns a wall at the Eagle and Child,
the Oxford pub where they often met with friends. December, 2005

“I suspect that most of the individuals who have religious faith are content with blind faith. They feel no obligation to understand what they believe. They may even wish not to have their beliefs disturbed by thought. But if God in whom they believe created them with intellectual and rational powers, that imposes upon them the duty to try to understand the creed of their religion. Not to do so is to verge on superstition.”
— Mortimer J. Adler

Perhaps an intellectual such as Adler was a bit harsh on his fellow believers when he suspected most of them were content with blind faith. My theory is that most people who could truly be described as having blind faith aren’t aware of that limitation, but perhaps the lack of awareness in itself is indicative of the complacency Adler warns against.

In any case, the enduring popularity of C. S. Lewis and other authors suggests that there are a great many believers who are eager to understand their own faith, as well as faith in general. Lewis, an erudite atheist who eventually became one of the greatest Christian apologists of all time, could never be said to embrace or advocate blind faith.

In fact, Lewis has probably done more to interest the average person in theology than any number of writings penned by professional theologians. Though it’s easy to forget it, Lewis was not a theologian; he was a professor of literature at Oxford and Cambridge; a man who deeply understood the power of parable, allegory and metaphor to bring difficult concepts to life, and make them accessible to people of average intelligence.

I agree with Adler that faith carries with it the duty to exercise our rational powers. Superstition, which rears its head in almost every facet of life in addition to religion, can easily masquerade as mysticism or the much-overused term currently in favor, “spirituality.” But reason, properly applied and not given weightier authority than is expedient, can help us to tell the difference.

Here’s an interesting question that applies to believers and unbelievers alike: is it possible to have “blind faith” in our own reason, or in our own lack of faith, as well as in faith itself? In other words, do “religious” and “non-religious” people often fall prey to the same errors in thinking?

One year ago today:

Mind and soul

True elegance

Julia ♦ May 18, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

This simple, elegant outdoor walkway is part of the Ferguson Center for the Arts.
Newport News, Virginia, January 2009

“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.” ― Coco Chanel

I think it’s interesting that an icon of fashion design such as Chanel would be a spokesperson for simplicity. In my mind, fashion involves the marketing of endless shoe styles, scarves, purses and costume jewelry, to say nothing of more clothes than the average person can fit easily into her closet. We might fall for a clean, basic dress design dramatically portrayed in an advertisement, but the proliferation of ads themselves sell the idea of more, more, more. And some of the bizarre looks in today’s footwear could not be described as “simple” by any standard.

The same is true in home design; even the magazine spreads that feature a clean, spare style also are selling the idea of ever-changing paint colors, linens, furnishings and trendy looks that are destined to give way to the next “great new thing.” While I love looking at colorful home fashions as much as the next woman (OK, almost as much), I do wonder whether the cost and maintenance are worth indulging in the latest fads, especially in hard-to-change items such as light fixtures and tile backsplashes.

Bling is great fun, but it also takes up a lot of storage space. And my life definitely bears out the old 80/20 rule when it comes to what I actually use and wear most. In fact, for me it might be closer to 90/10. Maybe Chanel’s quote would be a good one to keep in mind next time I go into my closet to put together a donation for Goodwill. Elegance has never been a word I associate with myself, but it’s something to aspire to, especially if it helps me de-clutter.

Do you agree with Chanel that simplicity and elegance go hand-in-hand?

One year ago today:

The ultimate sophistication

Anyone who loves

Julia ♦ May 17, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

Drew, Matt's best friend, has always loved him with words AND deeds. Vacaville, California, 2002

Drew, Matt’s best friend, has always loved him with words AND deeds.
I took this photo without them knowing I was taking it. Vacaville, California, 2002

“We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.”
— 1 John 4:19-21

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” — 1 John 3:16-18

Wow, those are some pretty strong words. They make liars of almost all of us who say we love God. After all, who among us has not felt hatred and anger in our hearts at some time? Maybe even often? How many grudges do we hold; how many people do we secretly despise as weak, wrong, obnoxious or simply less worthy of our time and attention?

And then there’s the matter of how we show our love, even to those lucky few we claim to love. I don’t think John was saying here that words are not important. We’ve talked numerous times on this blog about the importance of kind words and expressions of encouragement. I have survived, in part, on the kind expressions of caring from people in this online community whom I’ve never met, but who nonetheless have come to be friends dear to my heart. Your expressions of caring and solace have been a fortress of emotional support for me, and I have sorely needed such support for a very long time.

But there are some needs that can only be met in person, face to face. There are some situations where genuine love will push us out of our comfortable routines and into worlds where we are unsure of ourselves, even anxious or fearful. At some point we will be forced to decide whether our own need for security and convenience is greater than our love for someone else. At such times, it will be tempting to say “I just can’t do this” or “I know there are others who can do this more easily than I can.” Lay down our lives? You must be kidding me. That’s bound to be hyperbole.

But John didn’t say “Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister, if they deserve it.” He also didn’t say “let us not love with words or speech but in actions and truth, as long as we can work it into our schedule without too much inconvenience.” He didn’t say “Love — insofar as you reasonably can.”

For the record, I plead guilty to all of the rationalizations I’ve mentioned here. But the past 28 years have been the ultimate “teachable moment” for me; they’ve made me keenly aware of how often we fall short when it comes to loving those we come in direct contact with, not in words only, but “in actions and truth.” Perhaps I have now “quit preaching and gone to meddling” as the saying goes. If so, I begin by meddling in my own life. These words make me uneasy, and perhaps they should.

Almost all of us have been blessed to be recipients of acts of grace from others. The friend who looks closely enough to fill needs that others disregard; the neighbor who shows up without being asked, to keep the kids when we are sick; the sister who uses her limited vacation days to come help out during hospitalizations. At such times, we experience the true meaning of love in action.

Today, I hope you can think of times when other people have given you their time and effort in ways that made a real difference in your life. Let their shining examples be an inspiration to us when we feel too tired, overwhelmed or busy to care.

One year ago today:

Here to change the world

You do not need to know

Julia ♦ May 16, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

It was pretty hard to see where we were going on this road at Crater Lake, Oregon,
but it turned out to be a wonderful adventure. June (yes, June) 2000.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”
― Thomas Merton

When a frightening situation arises, my first impulse is to try to find out as much about it as I can. For me, information has always brought a sense of empowerment, along with the comfort of reassurance and/or a chance to prepare myself to face the worst of whatever is going on. I’m sure this tendency to seek power in knowledge has something to do with my lifelong fascination with libraries, which led to my seemingly inevitable path through library school.

With almost any trait, though, it’s best not to take it too far. Since information is often ambiguous at best and contradictory at worst, an over-reliance on it can lead to what a friend of mine called “paralysis by analysis,” a common setback for me. It might seem counter-intuitive, but the older I get, and the more experiences I have, the less I know. Oddly, it comes as rather a relief.

No matter how carefully we plan, the road ahead is uncertain at best, for all of us. Let’s remind each other that life can be an adventure if we choose to see it that way. Regardless of what lies in store, it will be easier to bear if we surround ourselves with people who understand and practice courage, faith and hope.

One year ago today:

Security or opportunity?

Fresh and new and beautiful

Julia ♦ May 15, 2021 ♦ 6 Comments

Grady makes an exciting discovery! April 2014

“A child’s world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood.” — Rachel Carson

Grady wants us all to know that in our very own cabinets, we have some of the most fun toys ever invented. They are called pots and pans. And you thought they were only for cooking!

Today, I invite you to go through the day trying to imagine what the trappings of your everyday life must look like to a baby. Doors that open are pathways to new worlds to explore. Objects are to be experienced by all five senses; if they are silent, you can always bang them on something to access that particular sensory path. Everyone who smiles at you is a new friend.

One year ago today, I posted a quote from Robin Williams about spring being nature’s way of saying “let’s party!” Babies are another way nature reminds us to celebrate. I hope we can channel some of that wonder back into our minds to light up our days.

One year ago today:

Nature’s way

Enjoy, endure, survive

Julia ♦ May 14, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

Dr. Beano and Dr. Last N. Class brought smiles to all three of us. April, 2014

“Would you like to know your future? If your answer is yes, think again. Not knowing is the greatest life motivator. So enjoy, endure, survive each moment as it comes to you in its proper sequence — a surprise.” ― Vera Nazarian

I’ve often thought what a blessing it is NOT to know what the future holds. Jeff and I have talked about this numerous times, remembering our innocent newlywed selves and thinking “thank goodness we did not know what lay ahead of us.” That’s not to say that we have not had full, happy lives. But some of what would transpire over the next 30 years would have seemed unthinkable to us in 1980.

As Nazarian implies, the idea of being grateful for the uncertainty applies to moments as well as years. For those among us who have a hard time with unpredictable schedules and unplanned interruptions, this is a significant challenge. But I do think our days are less frustrating if we are able to absorb the minor ups and downs without having everything go according to plan.

On the day after Matt had the roughest night of his hospital stay, all three of us were in a fairly glum mood when we had a fun surprise — a visit from two hospital clowns whose magic tricks and humorous dialogue had us all laughing in minutes. It was amazing how that unexpected little treat brightened up a day that had been stormy inside and out.

I wonder whether a compassionate nurse tipped the clowns off that we could use a bit of cheer. Or maybe they showed up in answer to an indirect summons via somebody’s prayer somewhere. In any case, not knowing they were coming made it all the more delightful.

As you go about your days, I hope the thought of unknown possibilities will bring you joy rather than worry. It may take some effort and a little re-programing of our thoughts to think of the coming days and weeks in anticipation rather than anxiety. But we never know what delights might lie in store for us, interspersed among frustrations and sorrows we’re better off not knowing about in advance.

Today, I hope you will join me in feeling grateful for the blessing of an unknown future.

One year ago today:

The unexpected

Where there is no danger

Julia ♦ May 13, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

This de Havilland DH-4B (the improved version of the DH-4) is on display
at the National Postal Museum in Washington, DC. April 2014

“What kind of man would live where there is no danger? I don’t believe in taking foolish chances. But nothing can be accomplished by not taking a chance at all.”
— Charles Lindbergh

On this day in 1918, the U. S. Postal Service issued its first airmail stamp. The price was 24 cents, equal to more than four dollars in today’s money. Two days later, the first scheduled U.S. airmail flight took off.

During those early years, flying airmail was considered the most dangerous job in the U. S., and for good reason: 31 of the first 40 pilots hired died in crashes. The de Havilland DH-4 became known as the “flaming coffin” because of its tendency to explode and burn on crash landings, which were not rare occurrences. Within a year, the planes were reconfigured to lessen the risks, but eventually the Post Office would contract the rapidly-growing passenger airlines and other private sector companies to carry the mail.

It was during his years as an airmail pilot that Charles Lindbergh became interested in winning the $25,000 Orteig Prize, to be awarded to the first aviator to fly non-stop from Paris to New York. The rest, as they say, is history, more well-known to most of us than the crucial early experience Lindbergh and other pilots gained flying risky airmail routes. But it’s likely that the courage, skill and expertise Lindbergh developed during his relatively brief time flying the mail were pivotal in his successful transatlantic flight.

It’s easy to get irritated at slow-moving lines at the Post Office, rate increases and delayed mail. But reading a bit of history puts it all in perspective. For only 49 cents we can mail a letter anywhere in the United States, even Alaska or Hawaii, and expect it to arrive at its destination within a week, with very little chance of any loss of life en route. Quite a bargain, all things considered.

One year ago today:

A vast early warning

The strength of the sole

Julia ♦ May 12, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

Jeff, Matt and Drew on an afternoon stroll in Oxford, UK, August 2005.

“When you have worn out your shoes, the strength of the sole leather has passed into the fibre of your body.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lately I’ve not been able to walk as much as usual, and when I do walk, I notice there’s a difference to my typical rhythms and behaviors. I’ve been walking mostly head downward, pacing rapidly, with an eye toward getting through the two or three miles as quickly as possible, not taking in the gorgeous sights and sounds that normally add so much enjoyment to my day.

Partly it’s because I am often rushed and barely squeezing in the time to walk. I think it’s more than that, though. I am dealing with a different set of challenges right now than I typically am, or at least a more intense version of the same challenges. Most days, I’m not as able to focus on the springtime greening all around me, or the flowers finally starting to bloom.

That’s OK for now. I find that walking is beneficial no matter how I do it. There’s a lot more introspection to my walks lately, and perhaps some of the mental rehearsal that helps me to work through my worst fears and be prepared for whatever might happen. Walking is a good match for such rumination, a sort of restless pacing with purpose.

If you’ve been thinking you need to be walking, but can’t seem to find yourself in the mood to begin, try starting from wherever you are. I have found that it builds strength physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. Not bad for an activity that is free, safe, green and totally portable. It might not always be fun, though it often is. In any case, the benefits will accrue, and as Emerson attests, soon you’ll find yourself feeling refreshed in a way that is inversely proportional to the wear on your shoes. Your soles won’t be new anymore, but your soul will be.

One year ago on May 11:

You should ramble

At the threshold

Julia ♦ May 11, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

Mama and Daddy at our wedding rehearsal dinner in Nashville, June 1980

“The pressure of adversity is the most powerful sustainer of accountability. It’s as though everything you do is multiplied by 50 in order to surpass those with a head-start. I was never capable of slacking when at the threshold of failure.”
― Criss Jami

One year ago, for Mother’s Day, I posted about my mother’s incredible determination to press on through some daunting physical challenges. I’ve often joked about how like my mother Jeff is, but over the past 18 months, I’ve thought of that in a more serious context.

The photo above was taken less than five months after my mother’s craniotomy to repair a hemorrhaging aneurysm at the base of her brain. If you look closely at the left side of her face, you can see the slight indentation of her skull at the temple, and a tiny bit of drooping of her left eye. I was thrilled to have her at our wedding in any condition, but was especially proud of how beautiful she was, wearing a gown she had made herself not long before the wedding.

Watching Jeff (and now Matt) survive circumstances most of us can be thankful we will never face, I have thought often about my mother and others I admire, whose courage and tenacity are a legacy of strength for all who know them. My Aunt Peggy, my sister Carla, and my friend (Jeff’s Aunt) Gloria all come to mind when I think of those who have overcome.

I know there are readers of this blog who have prevailed, and are still fighting, through similar challenges; at least one of you is a three-time cancer survivor! Recently Michael sent me a link to this wonderful video by an artist new to me, Mandisa. The song is set against inspiring video clips of Robin Roberts, Scott Hamilton (a performer I admire as a brother in the faith) and Gabby Giffords. I hope seeing these amazing people will lift your spirits. As you hear Mandisa’s encouraging words, think of all those whose perseverance has inspired you – including the person you see in your mirror!

One year ago on Mother’s Day:

The world would kick the beam

Occupied by jellyfish

Julia ♦ May 10, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

A spotted jelly performs at The Jellies Experience, Monterey Bay Aquarium, CA, December 2002.

A spotted jelly at The Jellies Experience, Monterey Bay Aquarium, CA, December 2002.

“The real world is in a much darker and deeper place than this, and most of it is occupied by jellyfish and things. We just happen to to forget all that. Don’t you agree? Two-thirds of earth’s surface is ocean, and all we can see with the naked eye is the surface: the skin.” ― Haruki Murakami

When I’m staring, mesmerized, at the vastness of the ocean, I’m usually thinking only of the surface; of the play of the light on the waves, and the endless rhythmic motion. The sheer expanse of it leaves me breathless. If I stop to think about the teeming life beneath, extending across the unimaginable distance, it becomes really mind-blowing.

I think that’s why some of us get the creeps when it comes to entering the parallel universe under the sea. There’s something otherworldly about it, but we are faced with the jarring realization that this “other” world is the biggest part of the one we live in, and we depend on it in more ways than we realize.

I don’t think I’d ever make a good marine biologist, but I am glad some people are drawn to that career. And I’m glad aquariums exist for the benefit of the rest of us, who stand, as it were, at arm’s length from the drama of life in the largest kingdom on earth. Even if we only visit aquariums occasionally, it’s an effective reminder of how much we do not know; how small a detail of the big picture we see each day.

One year ago today:

When you finally see

Forever free

Julia ♦ May 9, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

Jeff soaks up the sun while Matt soaks up a story. Our backyard at Vandenberg Air Force Base, California, sometime in 1991.

Jeff soaks up the sun while Matt devours a story.
Our backyard at Vandenberg Air Force Base, California, sometime in 1991.

“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.” — Frederick Douglass

Matt taught himself to read before he started kindergarten, and throughout his elementary school years, his reading tested at several years above grade level. Given the severity of some of his other learning challenges, including extremely deficient motor planning and poor neurological processing of most sensory input, his reading ability surprised and delighted his teachers, many of whom remarked on how he read aloud with dramatic expression that implied a level of comprehension not often present at his age.

I think one reason he was able to become a proficient reader was his absolute obsession with books during his preschool years. Those who knew him then probably remember he was never without at least one book, often several. The photo above was fairly typical of how he would position himself at the beach or in bed, with or without a pillow. It would always make my neck hurt to see him lying with raised head and shoulders, determined not to lose even a minute of reading time.

During those preschool and kindergarten years, I would go to the library and check out 30-40 picture books (there was no limit) and keep them in a box in the trunk of my car. They provided endless free incentives for good behavior. When he would go to occupational therapy or other settings that required his cooperation and effort, all I had to do was remind him that good behavior meant he could choose another book from the treasure chest in the trunk. It worked like a charm at least 95% of the time, and I could run by the library to change out my stockpile of books as often as he went through them.

As Matt has grown older, reading, like music, has been a special gift in his life. He has endured more than his fair share of suffering and loneliness, but he also has been blessed with a zest for life that has been fed by his imagination and his ability to immerse himself in the operas, musicals and stories he loves.

Frederick Douglass, who knew firsthand about enduring cruel limitations and suffering of a far different kind, understood the crucial importance of allowing the mind to break free through the doorway of reading. I hope his words will remind us that the ability to read is a precious gift, one that can give us wings to rise above whatever chains may bind us.

One year ago today:

Read them fairy tales