Defeat Despair

Intended for solace

Julia ♦ February 1, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

A flower merchant decorates a sidewalk in Barcelona, May 2008.

“Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity.” — John Ruskin

You’ve probably noticed that I have been intentionally choosing themes that are linked in some way to the posts I did on the same day one year ago. The first couple of times when this happened accidentally and readers commented on it, I realized it was a helpful way to narrow down potential topics. It enables me to get the posts done more quickly. So I plan to continue this unless readers start complaining that the links are repetitive. I’ll try to keep them different enough to be worth glancing at again.

It does seem that the first day of February is an excellent time to start anticipating springtime, which for many of us means anticipating flowers. Ruskin is right; natural beauty, so colorfully epitomized by flowers, is universally available for appreciation (even though some of the more fabulous views may have limited accessibility due to location, ownership or entrance fees).

Flowers, though, bloom everywhere, and are cultivated and harvested by talented gardeners and merchants who want to spread the joy. If you can’t visit a botanical garden, there are still displays to be found wherever there are people. I just love it that grocery stores often feature floral departments with fresh flowers in abundance. I can hardly run into a grocery, even for one or two items, without taking a minute or two to enjoy their colors and fragrance.

I hope you will make some time today (or soon) to seek out the solace of flowers. They are visual music, a balm for the spirit and food for the soul!

One year ago today

I still hear the sound

This post was first published seven years ago today. The original post, comments and photo are linked, along with two other related posts, below. These links to related posts, and their thumbnail photos, do not appear in the blog feed; they are only visible when viewing the individual posts by clicking on each one. I have no idea why, nor do I know how they choose the related posts. That’s just the way WordPress does things.

Consider having fun

Julia ♦ January 31, 2021 ♦ 9 Comments

Having fun in the rain, then and now: Drew and Matt at EPCOT Center in 1995 and 2003

Having fun in the rain, then and now:
Drew and Matt wearing the SAME PONCHOS at EPCOT Center in 1995 and 2003

“If you only do what’s important, you’ll never have any fun, unless you consider having fun important.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

If you don’t consider having fun important, I hope you’ll think about it and change your mind! Recently we had a discussion in the comments here, about end-of-life wishes, and things people wish they had done more often. A lot of the wishes center on doing fun or important things – often both. But one thing nobody in our family will probably ever say is “I wish we’d gone to Disney parks more often,” since we enjoyed more than our fair share of visits there.

We love Disney, at least the Disney movies that were produced up through the mid-1990’s, and all the classic characters. And we never tire of going to the Disney parks; we’ve literally lost count of how many times we’ve gone to either the California Disneyland parks, or the Walt Disney World parks in Florida. We never got too old to enjoy it, and some of our happiest memories happened there.

The photos above were taken more than eight years apart, in almost exactly the same location at EPCOT Center — and the boys are wearing the EXACT SAME RAIN PONCHOS! I am not making this up. (I told you I never threw anything away.) I bought each of us a rain poncho right before we visited Walt Disney World in 1995, while we lived in Hawaii, and we found them so useful I kept them and took them along on every subsequent Disney trip, long after the boys were wearing adult sizes. The great thing about a poncho is that one size fits all.

When we had some rain during our 2003 trip to Disney World (taken to celebrate Matt’s 18th birthday) Drew thought it would be fun to get another photo like the one we had taken so many years before. I don’t know which was more fun, taking the photos or comparing them years afterward!

I hope you are making time for enjoying funny moments with people you love, and maybe preserving those memories in photos or journals, or both. Someday it will seem way more important than it might seem now.

Happy Lunar New Year!

One year ago today

A happy talent

Distance lends enchantment

Julia ♦ January 30, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

Green up close, bluer far away: distance changes how things look. The Blue Ridge Mountains, western Virginia, July 2005

Green up close, blue far away: distance changes how things look.
The Blue Ridge Mountains, western Virginia, July 2005

‘Tis distance lends enchantment to the view,
And robes the mountain in its azure hue.
— Thomas Campbell

Time and memory don’t always improve the way things seem to us, but often they do. As with the old saying about the weather, if you are unhappy today, wait a while. Although it may be hard to imagine, there will almost certainly come a time, probably fairly soon, when things appear at least a little bit better than they do right now. And it’s even more likely that someday you will look back on these years of your life and feel better about them — either happy they are in the past, or happy for the good times they held, which you can see with more clarity from a distance.

One year ago today

Observing the effects

A sunny spirit

Julia ♦ January 29, 2021 ♦ 8 Comments

Matt and Drew in 1986, laughing together as they still do so often.

“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” — Mark Twain

Of all the things that have helped us survive the past thirty years, and even before that, I would have to say that humor is near the top of the list. I cannot count the times when a good laugh has lightened everything up for us. If someone asked me to name the trait I value most in both our sons, it might well be their robust sense of humor.

Years ago when the boys and I were visiting my parents, we decided to take the MARTA train into Atlanta for some reason or other. I have forgotten what we did in town that day; what I remember most is something memorable that happened on the way home.

It was right around rush hour in the afternoon, and our train was crowded. Somewhere between West End and College Park, after the train had gone above ground but was not near a station, it began to slow, grinding to a stop seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

For a couple of seconds a hush fell over our car, and then something wonderful happened. As if on cue, almost everyone in the car burst into laughter. It was so contagious, it was hard not to join in. As we sat there — I don’t remember how long, but it might have been ten or twenty minutes — there was a relaxed, almost party atmosphere as people engaged in lively speculation about what was going on, and how long it might be before it was fixed.

What surprised me most was the complete absence of any impatience, irritation or annoyance from anyone I heard. It was as if we were all caught as extras in some sitcom episode or comedy movie, enjoying it to the hilt. It was most unexpected, and makes me smile to this day when I think about it. The car eventually started up again, but the memory of that temporary stop lingers on.

I’ve wondered about it a good bit over the years. Why did these people react with such spirited humor? I tell myself that maybe it was something about the relaxed good will of Atlanta (I can’t imagine that happening on the New York subway) or the southern African-American culture (we were the only white people in our car) or maybe it was just the sunny weather of a beautiful day in a lovely city.

Whatever the reason, the experience left me indelibly impressed with the power of humor to turn bad situations into good ones. I hope you have had many such experiences, and will have many more. Feel free to share some of them in the comments!

One year ago today

God’s medicine

We hope it

Julia ♦ January 28, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

Crape myrtles in winter, bare but set to bloom beautifully, January 2010.

Crape myrtles in winter, bare but getting ready to bloom beautifully, January 2010.

“Our destiny often looks like a fruit-tree in winter. Who would think from its pitiable aspect that those rigid boughs, those rough twigs could next spring again be green, bloom, and even bear fruit? Yet we hope it, we know it.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

After the difficulties of an especially harsh year, I am grateful for nature’s continual reminders of how things can be made new again. It’s really remarkable, the transformation of a tree from a bare, seemingly moribund skeleton to a profusion of greenery and flowers. I see it each year in the crape myrtles in our neighborhood, pictured above in winter and here, photographed in the summer.

I’ve learned from experience not to give up on straggly plant remains that appear to have been frozen. Sometimes flowering annuals spring back to life again as the weather warms (whether from roots or seeds, I’m never quite sure), or a neglected houseplant will gradually respond to more attention.

So it is with us, with our hopes and dreams. We can survive quite a lot, and hopefully come back stronger.

One year ago today

Winter lives

What you now have

Julia ♦ January 27, 2021 ♦ 6 Comments

The computer camera snapped this photo of Grady and me on December 23, 2013.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ― Epicurus

It’s so easy to get caught up in looking ahead to the next goal or aspiration. There’s nothing wrong with anticipation; it makes life more fun. But it’s also important to stop and realize how many things we have that we didn’t have ten, twenty or thirty years ago. Or in some cases, even one year or one week ago.

I invite you to join me today in feeling happy and thankful about the new(er) things in your life. What are some relatively recent blessings that hold promise for 2014? What do you have now that you once only hoped for?

One year ago today

Hope beyond measure

Blessed thought

Julia ♦ January 26, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

Sometimes the pathway is beautiful, sometimes not,
but I truly believe we need never walk it alone.
Mission San Juan Bautista, California, June 2003

“He leadeth me: O blessed thought!
O words with heavenly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be,
still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.” — Joseph H. Gilmore

This old hymn, which its author said was written during “the darkest hour of the Civil War,” has always been a favorite of mine. I have vivid childhood memories of hearing it sung by the congregation in church, where the booming, perfectly-pitched tenor of an older British gentleman rose above the others and impressed me with the conviction in his tone when he sang it. To hear him sing those words was to feel a sense of elation and absolute assurance that went perfectly with the beautiful melody of the song’s chorus.

I know there are a lot of people who have mostly negative views of religious faith. I can understand to some extent how people could feel that way, given the wars and violence done in the name of various religions, and the unfortunate stereotypes of believers that are often perpetuated by the media.

My own experience of faith, though, has been almost completely the opposite. For a lifetime I have been watching believers whose faith in God has defined their lives and blessed the world around them. I have seen people weather unbelievably tough times with a peace that truly passes understanding. I have been strengthened and upheld by knowing that people are praying for us. And the sadness of losing loved ones who die is tempered by the belief that their souls live on, and the hope that we will someday see them again.

To some, of course, this sounds like foolish wishful thinking. But I’m reminded of one of my favorite Woody Allen quotes: “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” As funny as this quote is, he does have a point. If it’s cold, hard evidence you’re after, I think most of what seems like “proof” is just as illusory, if not more so, than truths that cannot be seen. I’m not sure we have any more reason to trust what we see as “realities” that appear only to our senses, than we do to trust in the unseen, and perhaps Einstein would agree.

In any case, I am profoundly thankful to have this song among the ones that play inside my head when I need them most. I love it even more now, after sitting beside Jeff in church this morning, hearing him sing the words of the final verse and knowing he meant them. The world is a very tough place at times, and it’s unspeakably comforting to hold to an unchanging hand.

One year ago yesterday*

Hidden inside

*the post from one year ago today was linked in yesterday’s post

The beautiful stillness

Julia ♦ January 25, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

One of our bookshelves, December 2012

“Reading was my escape and my comfort, my consolation, my stimulant of choice: reading for the pure pleasure of it, for the beautiful stillness that surrounds you when you hear an author’s words reverberating in your head.” ― Paul Auster

Even when life is the craziest and most chaotic, I always read myself to sleep at night. It’s often the only time of day that I make time to read a book, but no matter how late it is, I read at least a little bit, just long enough to drift off. It keeps me from lying awake worrying about everything else.

Reading is undoubtedly a comfort, consolation and stimulant of choice at other times, too. Whether it’s email, a letter, a newspaper, a magazine or the back of a cereal box, I cannot imagine going very long without reading something. It’s my preferred method of staying in touch with people I care about, as well as the way I learn, think, and survive. It’s as necessary to my well-being as food and water. I really believe that.

Readers today are blessed as never before with unlimited sources and choices for reading material. Audiobooks, digital readers and quick, free downloads from the public library have increased our options exponentially. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or depressed, the thought of having so much reading, just waiting for me wherever and whenever I am ready for it, brightens my day.

If you have a Kindle, Nook or other e-reader and need help finding a public library near you from which to download free audio and electronic books, let me know. I’d be glad to help you find one. Do you have a favorite author, series, or great book to recommend? There’s no better time than winter to share the joys of reading!

One year ago tomorrow*

A delightful society

*I switched the “one year ago” posts for today and tomorrow because the topics matched better. The post from one year ago today will appear with tomorrow’s blog post.

To look forward

Julia ♦ January 24, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

We interrupt these regularly scheduled repeat postings to bring you a tribute I published here back in 2017. Rest in peace, Mr. Aaron. Unlike so many tarnished sports heroes, your legacy will always shine. We will always remember you.

Hank Aaron in 2015. Photo by Lauren Gerson, Public domain via Wikimedia Commons

“I didn’t have particular baseball heroes in those days…I didn’t relate to baseball players, even though I played the game myself, because I knew I had nothing to look forward to. There was no hope for me to play in the big leagues back then because I was black.” — Hank Aaron

Wow. Talk about defeating despair! The young Henry Aaron must have loved the game enough to go on playing despite being, as far as anyone knew at the time, shut out of the chance for a professional career. If he was a different sort of person, he might be sitting around today telling his grandchildren how he could have been a star if not for the racism he lived with every day of his youth. He could be complaining of how he had to start his professional career playing on a team called the Clowns, or about all the times he had to play in segregated stadiums, or had to eat his meals while sitting in the team bus because he wasn’t allowed to go into a restaurant with his white teammates.

For that matter, he could have been consumed with fear and resentment at the death threats he received decades later as he neared Babe Ruth’s longstanding home run record. But from his youth onward, Aaron just went on doing what he did best, and he was impossible to stop. For many of us, he is still, and will always be, the greatest home run hitter who ever lived. If you’ve been to the Baseball Hall of Fame and seen the Barry Bonds home run ball with the large asterisk carved into the leather, you know how many fans (who voted for such an alteration in the ball before it was donated to the museum) agree with me on that.

Hank Aaron is larger than life to me because I grew up in Atlanta, and remember hearing Milo Hamilton’s exited voice on the radio, shouting with glee whenever Hammerin’ Hank knocked the ball out of the park. I remember when a high school classmate of mine, secretly listening to his transistor during Algebra, blew his own cover by shouting aloud that Hank Aaron had just tied the home run record with #714. Instead of reprimanding him, the teacher allowed him to go tell the front office, and the normally straight-laced principal went on the school PA system to announce it to the entire school, after which much cheering erupted throughout the building.

It’s hard now for us to imagine a little league player who has no big-league heroes, but Hank Aaron apparently didn’t need any. He became the hero himself. It would be impossible to count how many of us are grateful he had what it took to go the distance, blessing the world with his extraordinary talent.

The onrush of scenery

Julia ♦ January 24, 2021 ♦ 6 Comments

The approach to the Golden Gate Bridge, as seen from Marin Headlands, July 2003

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, “This is what it is to be happy.” ― Sylvia Plath

It’s difficult to read this quote from Plath without thinking of the sad reality that she chose to end her own life while still young, with two small children. Yet I find hope here in realizing that even a person given to fatal depths of melancholia was not completely beyond the reach of happiness.

One thing that helps me in moments of despair is the realization that “this too shall pass.” When everything seems to be going wrong, or when we are feeling sad or distressed (even if it’s for no particular reason) it’s easy to think we can never be happy again. But when our emotions tell us our sorrow is permanent, our minds can argue back.

Yes, we can and will be happy again. Yes, there will even be moments of elation, such as Plath describes. We know this because we can look into our memories and find both joy and sorrow there.

I think we all have had times when we felt a similar rush of joy. What are some of those moments for you? Can you think of a place you’ve stood and marveled at the sights spread out before you? Or a time when you thought “right now, everything feels almost perfect?” I hope you have many such gems to remember, and I hope that this year will bring you more of them.

One year ago today

Talk of mysteries!

Inviting people in

Julia ♦ January 23, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

We're always 'ohana at Mitzie and Robert's home. December 2006

As Tammy and Matt agree, we’re always ohana at the Puakea home. December 2006

“I allow my fear of embarrassment to stop me from hostessing anyone. I tell myself it’s fine, it’s just not ‘my thing,’ but I actually think that’s a weak excuse. Because there are things we should do, regardless of whether they are our favorite ‘things’ or not…I think inviting people into your home, whether it’s an impeccable mansion or a rusty old shack, is probably an important practice.” – Glennon Doyle Melton

One of the most important things we can do to defeat despair — and to help others to do the same — is to let people in. Into our lives, into our hearts, and yes, into our homes. Even when our homes aren’t exactly ready for prime time.

My house is a wreck right now, even more so than usual. In fact, all the piles of stuff that used to make a crazy sort of sense to me do not make sense to me any more. There’s nothing for it but to plow into it as I have time, clean up, clear away and in the meantime, LIGHTEN UP on the inside. Translation: even as I go about cleaning up, I can’t get impatient with myself because, compared to what’s been going on the past two months, and some of the other stuff that is still going on, this housekeeping stuff is SO unimportant.

This is not to say that I don’t clean things up when we have people over. In fact, Jeff and I have always joked, “The house is really messy, we need to invite some people over” because that makes us prioritize tidying up. But when people come over a few times, you stop worrying about it. There’s nothing like having someone in your home, and going into theirs, to let you get to know them in a way you won’t get to know them anyplace else. And pretty soon, the superficial stuff doesn’t matter much.

When we go to each other’s homes, we see each other’s pets and furniture and art and projects and notes on the fridge. We sit in their chairs and on their floors and at their tables, and laugh and talk and sometimes sing and pray together, and just soak in who they are in their natural surroundings. There’s nothing really like it, and I think one reason people are so crazy nowadays is that we don’t do enough of this type of thing anymore. There are too many electronic substitutes for being with friends. But they can’t replace face time.

Our friends Mitzie and Robert are wonderful examples to us when it comes to hospitality. These people have more folks into their home than anyone I know. Maybe it’s Mitzie’s heart of gold or Robert’s Hawaiian heritage, but they are like professional friend-makers and they bring people together all the time. They host church groups and community groups and their sons’ friends, and at least once a year they have a big luau for local mainland Hawaiians and wannabe Hawaiians, complete with live music and food and more laughter than you can imagine and even a pig roasted in the genuine Hawaiian way. I’ve never seen their home messy but the truth is I don’t think anyone would notice if it was. You walk in the door and it’s like you are ohana; you are home.

We have many other friends who are like them, and set a good example for us. Two of them, Tammy and J.J., are coming over tomorrow for awhile, just to see us. I won’t have anything special fixed to eat (although I’ll offer them tea 🙂 ) and you can bet the house will still be bordering on eligibility for a hoarders show, but I’m not worried about it, because we’ve been in each others’ homes so many times now they feel like family.

I hope you have people like that, people who can drop in anytime, no matter whether you’re ready for company or not. I also hope you will join me in resolving to open your home to friends and potential friends. It doesn’t have to be anything big (unless you enjoy that type of thing) — it can just be pizza and conversation. A board game and snacks. Whatever.

I admit that often, before people come over, Jeff and I get nervous and grouchy and run around trying to clean everything up and get everything ready, and we don’t usually feel totally prepared when the doorbell rings. But we have never, ever, ever NOT felt happier afterwards. It’s magical.

Do you have anyone you’d like to invite to your home, but have been putting it off for one reason or another? Try moving that up on your list of priorities, and see what happens. And if someone invites you to come to their home, try carving out time to go. Let me know how it goes!

One year ago today

The ordinary arts

Net of wonder

Julia ♦ January 22, 2021 ♦ 8 Comments

The wake of the Diamond Princess off the coast of Mexico, March 2004

“The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.”
— Jacques Yves Cousteau

After spending 21 of the past 24 years living near the ocean, I have no desire to live very far inland. It’s interesting, because I don’t have any of the interests one might normally associate with coastal living. I don’t fish, I’m not a very good swimmer, and I never go scuba diving or even snorkeling. I don’t spend much time in boats, although I might enjoy that. I don’t even like seafood.

But there’s something about being near the ocean that feels more free, more healthy and more alive to me. There’s something about having land on one side and water on the other; something about always having an orientation; a compass of sorts, merely by knowing which side the ocean lies on. It gives a frame of reference from which to start, no matter what direction you want to travel, with the promise of unseen continents to explore, lying on the other side of the water.

And then there’s the water itself; the sound of the surf, and salt-air breezes, and the gulls flying over. I love the bridges and the marinas and the incomparable sunsets over the water. There’s a feeling of expansive serenity at the ocean that I don’t find anywhere else.

Sometimes when I’m working in our wooded lot I will forget how close to the water we are, until I’m digging and come on a bed of oyster shells (which Jeff suspects are left there by critters who dig them out of the creek) or hear the sound of gulls overhead, as I used to hear long ago when working in our back yard surrounded by eucalyptus trees on the central coast of California. It’s doubly appealing to be in a wooded area but still near enough to the ocean to hear the gulls.

Of course, every region has its appeal, whether the landscape is dessert, mountains or plains. But even if you strongly favor inland living, I highly recommend escaping now and then to the sea, if only in imagination or via a virtual tour online. The spell might not be as strong as if you were there in person, but the net of wonder cast by the ocean is far-reaching and rejuvenating.

One year ago today

An island in itself

No ordinary people

Julia ♦ January 21, 2021 ♦ 8 Comments

Extraordinary everyday people surround The Immigrants statue,
Battery Park, New York City, May 2007.

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.” — C. S. Lewis

My favorite author C. S. Lewis wrote many passages that touch my heart and open my mind, but none is more sobering and remarkable to me than the text that includes the quote above. Think about it: every person you encounter today is more unique, more important and more eternal than any non-human part of your life.

It’s hard for us to realize this, surrounded as we are with so many appealing gadgets, to say nothing of the aspects of nature that are far more attractive and less irritating than some of the people we meet. But I really think Lewis hit the nail on the head here. Of everything in this world that matters, people matter most, and we forget that at our own peril.

I think Fred Rogers understood that. So did a lot of other remarkable people I’ve known. With their help, I hope I’m beginning to understand it, too.

One year ago today

Everybody can be great

Pretty, yes pretty!

Julia ♦ January 20, 2021 ♦ 5 Comments

This shop in Rome gave me a bit of beauty to capture and pass along! May 2008

“To my mind, a picture should be something pleasant, cheerful, and pretty, yes pretty! There are too many unpleasant things in life as it is without creating still more of them.” ― Pierre-Auguste Renoir

With that view of art, no wonder Renoir left us so many gorgeous works to enjoy. I realize there is a place for art that intrigues or even disturbs our complacent ways of thinking, but when I look at the world today, I think we need beauty more than ever before. Kudos to Renoir and the thousands (maybe millions) of other artists like him, who want to brighten our lives with images that soothe, uplift and delight us.

We are so fortunate to have the works of great artists online for us to enjoy free whenever we want, wherever we have an internet connection. The Renoir link above features digitized images of his complete works, and he was a prolific guy, with a wide range of lovely subjects. If you’d like to see a winter landscape to match your temperatures today, take a look at this lovely image. Or if you’ve had enough of winter, catch a glimpse of summer beauty here. Or visit the websites of other artists or museums, and give your spirit a dose of beauty to brighten your day today!

One year ago today

An authentic style

Expressing it

Julia ♦ January 19, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

Jeff gave me these “thank you” roses at his promotion in June, 2003.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
― William Arthur Ward

We all feel happy when someone appreciates us, but did you know there is an even better way to feel happier instantly? Take a look at the video below.

I’d like to introduce you to Misifusa’s blog, one of the first I discovered on WordPress. Her cheerful, happy posts have been an inspiration to me. Specifically, I want to share with you a post of hers that was published on November 29. It’s directly related to the quote above. Her post appears below, unchanged except that it’s in blue, to distinguish her words from mine:

An Easy Way to Increase Your Happiness! Nov29

Do you want to know the secret of how to increase your happiness quotient, increase someone else’s at the same time and make a difference in both of your lives the easy way? How about if I told you that you could learn in less than 8 minutes? Do you have 8 minutes to learn? Well, without further ado…

My dear friend RoSy blogged this awhile back ~ check out her blog! It made such a difference in my day that I knew I had to repost it for you! I adore what I do which is connecting with others via my blog, my cards and my FB page (besides just meeting people in real life!). I am a big proponent of telling people how I feel and for feeling that gratitude in sharing how blessed I feel to have so many wonderful people in my life!

I hope it made you smile and perhaps even changed your way of thinking! If you are looking for more happiness in your life, this is the answer…baby steps to a happier you ~ and in turn, making someone else happy as well!

Shine On!

P.S. Thanks RoSy ~ I’m grateful for you! xo

*************

One year ago today

All sorts of folks

Serenity is contagious

Julia ♦ January 18, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

Bonsai trees at the Montréal Botanical Garden, May 2009

“We are not going to change the whole world, but we can change ourselves and feel free as birds. We can be serene even in the midst of calamities and, by our serenity, make others more tranquil. Serenity is contagious.” — Satchidananda Saraswati

Serenity has never been my strong suit, but maybe that’s why I admire others who have it. In fact, almost nothing is as comforting in a crisis as to have someone taking decisive action while remaining outwardly calm.

I like to think in the past year I’ve learned, if only through sheer necessity, to avoid at least a bit of the over-reacting that is so intrinsic to my personality. In any case, I have had the chance to watch a lot of competent, compassionate people who have done their jobs well in situations where the outlook wasn’t encouraging and the news wasn’t good. I’ve been grateful time and again for those professionals who know how to be realistic but reassuring; pragmatic, but positive.

Have you ever known people whose peaceful demeanor made you feel relaxed just being around them? I can think of so many times when such people have provided islands of sanity in circumstances that were potentially upsetting or volatile. Though we often think of serenity as a passive trait, it can accomplish more than some of the driven behaviors we fall into when stressed.

If you have a gift for serenity, I hope you will use it to bless others who find themselves in harrowing situations. And if, like me, you wish to increase your own capacity for this trait, keep your eyes and ears open for those who have mastered it. They have much to teach us.

One year ago today

Infinitely healing

Places in our hearts

Julia ♦ January 17, 2021 ♦ 6 Comments

I photographed this camellia from our yard on January 15, 2003.

“The flowers of late winter and early spring occupy places in our hearts well out of proportion to their size.” — Gertrude S. Wister

When we first moved to Virginia, I was delighted that the home we bought featured several camellias along the back fence. They’ve grown impressively large, and since they bloom in winter, they add color during some dreary days. We had camellias in California, too; even in the milder winters there, where many types of flowers bloom year round, I always enjoyed their striking beauty.

I loved camellias even before I realized that TEA comes from a plant in that family!

Wherever you are, I hope there are at least a few flowers blooming. Feel free to send us photos or links to gorgeous flowers, to brighten up our January.

One year ago today

Mad with joy

Beautiful discovery

Julia ♦ January 16, 2021 ♦ 8 Comments

One of 2013’s “perfect pictures:” Ellis and me, together after 35 years! July 2013

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” — Elisabeth Foley

One year ago today, I quoted from a wonderful book written by my friend Ellis Anderson, whom I met at college nearly 40 years ago. Ellis and I were different in many ways, but we also had common threads that drew us together. In fact, there has always been a side of me that no one understood quite as well as she did. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say I’m not sure I could have survived college without her. Of all my friends, she was the one who was always there even when it seemed no one else was.

In college, we had discussed song lyrics and literature, and Ellis let me read her amazingly well-written personal journals. And she would play her guitar for me often, singing my blues or grouchy moods away. I learned songs from her that I still sing to myself today. We had an obnoxious habit of speaking (admittedly limited) French to each other when we wanted to share a private joke in the company of others. And we went to New York City together, and exchanged stories of our extensive travels, both of us having fathers that worked for Eastern Air Lines.

Ellis and I ended up traveling in different directions, far and wide, never living close enough geographically to see each other, and always too busy with other obligations to make plans to get together somewhere. We’d always communicated through words and writing, though, and that continued through the years. She kept alive my connection to the person I was in my youth, even through all those demanding years of child-rearing and moving all over the country, stressful times that often made me feel as if the young woman I once was had vanished forever.

Last July, business brought her to DC. She was battling a nasty respiratory infection, but we knew we would simply HAVE to get together. We had not seen each other in person for over thirty-five years! Though she was terrified that she would infect one of us with the remnants of her infection (she didn’t), I was able to twist her arm a bit and have her and her lovely niece, Anna, spend one night with us before they headed south again.

It was almost like being back in the dorm together. It was as if we had never been apart. We talked, laughed, caught up on stories we had not shared yet, and she sang and played the guitar for me as she used to do. Most wonderful of all, she was able to meet Jeff and Matt, having heard about them and seen their photos for many years. After months of sorrow, fear and exhaustion, having her visit us was like a blindingly bright flash of joy.

Ellis and her husband Larry are moving to a location a bit closer to us, so I hope to be able to see her again much more often in the years to come. Whether or not I do, though, I know we will always be friends.

Are you thinking of a special friend as you read this? I wish for you an enduring connection to those steadfast and loyal people who believe in you and bring out your best, as Ellis always has for me. It’s sometimes hard to make the effort to stay in touch, but it’s an investment that pays rich dividends.

One year ago today

Perfect pictures

We need quiet

Julia ♦ January 15, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

Our York backyard, still and beautiful after a snowfall, January 2010.

“Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers.” ― Ester Buchholz

Of all the seasons, winter seems most linked with quiet; short days, long nights, the silence of snowfall and the calming blank canvas of its whiteness. If you live where it’s cold at this time of year, take advantage of the weather’s call to solitude. Settle in with a good book in a cozy room, sit down with pen and paper to write a letter or a journal entry, or bundle up for a stroll in the winter stillness. Turn off the TV, the smart phone, the iPod; unplug and unwind.

Spring will be here soon enough. Till then, take some time for daydreams.

One year ago today

Permit yourself the luxury

In your house

Julia ♦ January 14, 2021 ♦ 8 Comments

Our living room in northern California was filled with favorite things. July, 2004

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” ― William Morris

When one of my graduate school professors asked me to do a paper on William Morris, I wasn’t thrilled about accepting, but it turned out to be one of the most fascinating studies I completed. What I liked best about his philosophy was his enduring belief that the useful can and should also be beautiful.

His oft-quoted words above are a good starting point for those of us who want to spend the winter cleaning and clearing away our excessive belongings. Of course, beauty is a subjective thing, and not everyone would agree with our choices. But in our own homes, we are free to surround ourselves with things that make our days easier, or bring us joy just by decorating our world. Or, best of all, those things that do both.

I hope that you will remember Morris’ advice, and fill your life with the useful AND the beautiful. Do you have any favorites that fit both those standards? Feel free to tell us about them!

One year ago today

Practical pleasures

Never too old to begin

Julia ♦ January 13, 2021 ♦ 4 Comments

Jeff snapped this photo of me at Montalvo Arts Center, Los Gatos, California, February 2004.

Jeff snapped this photo of me at Montalvo Arts Center, Saratoga, California, February 2004.

“You’re never too old to begin a journey, if you don’t insist on completing it.”
— Ashleigh Brilliant

No matter what age, nobody has any guarantees of success or even survival when they embark on a journey. If physical or financial limitations do not stand in your way, why should chronological age? Besides, one destination tends to lead to another, so that reaching the end of the journey — at least in this life — may not even be the ultimate goal, especially if we believe our soul’s destination lies beyond this earth.

Whether you are younger or older than I am, you probably have come to a point in life where you felt it was “too late” for a specific goal. But maybe that goal, or a similar one, or a different but equally appealing one, might still be within reach. I believe it’s never too late to grow and change. Some of the liveliest people I’ve ever known (including Ashleigh Brilliant, who is quoted above) continue to explore life with great interest well into their seventies, eighties and beyond.

If we are blessed with long lives, I hope that Jeff and I will be among them. And I hope you will be, too!

One year ago today

Every exit

Embrace chaos

Julia ♦ January 12, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

My craft room has always been the messiest spot in our Alexandria home, but now it has lots of company. January, 2014

My craft room has always been the messiest spot in our Alexandria home,
but now it has lots of company. And this is a censored view. January, 2014

“I finally figured out that not every crisis can be managed. As much as we want to keep ourselves safe, we can’t protect ourselves from everything. If we want to embrace life, we also have to embrace chaos.” ― Susan Elizabeth Phillips

My name is Julia and I have too much stuff. Most of the time, I keep it at bay by confining it to just one or two rooms in each home, but in the past few months of spending most of my time away, in hospital settings, things have gotten a bit…shall we say, out of control. My piles of stuff have begun to migrate out of closets and into maybe half the rooms of our homes. It’s making me a little bit crazy, but I’m also too exhausted to take anything but baby steps right now to clean it all up.

I’m in recovery, though…and with the “calm, caring and nonjudgmental” encouragement of Alys and others, I do look for big improvements in 2014. Meanwhile, I’m trying to give myself a bit of a break and embrace chaos. Much of what surrounds us in both our homes right now is the inevitable flotsam and jetsam of crisis and its aftermath; backlogged piles of mail, medical equipment and supplies to store or sort, and papers to file; cards and gifts to acknowledge and answer; growing to-do lists filled with cumulative weeks of neglected tasks as well as added obligations related to our “new normal.”

So, I’ve had to remind myself of some priorities. First priority: survival, for all three of us. Second priority: sanity, ditto. Third priority: rest and recovery, especially important with more chemo for Jeff and Matt’s 5th open heart surgery on the near horizon. Given all this, we have accepted that things will be chaotic for awhile.

I’m almost certain that we aren’t the only ones feeling a bit overwhelmed by our blessings right now. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I hope you will join me in using this chaos as an incentive to welcome a new way of looking at things. As irritating as the mega-mess is, I can sense that it will act as a catalyst to pare down to something more closely resembling simplicity. I know I’ll never live a minimalist life, at least not anytime soon, but I also know I’m ready to make some significant changes in what I keep, where I keep it and how I think about it.

For now, though, I’m embracing chaos. I hope it’s a farewell hug and a kiss goodbye!

One year ago today

Primitive purity

Nothing is

Julia ♦ January 11, 2021 ♦ 2 Comments

This clock came from Queen Marie-Antoinette's private sitting room at the Tuileries Palace, Paris; photographed on display at the Corocoran Gallery of Art, Washington, DC, September 2013.

This clock is from Queen Marie-Antoinette’s private sitting room at the Tuileries Palace, Paris;
photographed on display at the Corcoran Gallery of Art, Washington, DC, September 2013.

“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.”
— Thomas Szasz

I found it interesting that this quote contrasts boredom with serenity. I would not think of the two as opposites. I would tend to think of anxiety as more the opposite of serenity, although boredom undoubtedly makes everything seem a waste of time. But I think anxiety can too.

When I’m feeling most anxious, a lot of my distress comes from the idea that I’m not making good use of my time. It’s especially frustrating when a day is fraught with unproductive attempts and flat-out failure to accomplish anything. Then it can turn into a vicious cycle, as my distraction over what has gone wrong disrupts my effort to get back on track.

Perhaps it would be easier to minimize the setbacks if I could learn to see everything as being beneficial in some indirect way, even if only to help me avoid it the next time. If I have to wait in a long line when I’m in a hurry, I can make a mental note to avoid that location on that particular day or time in the future. If I throw my schedule off by spending too much time in a phone conversation, I can resolve to postpone telephone calls until higher priorities have been addressed. If I’m sitting in a medical waiting room — something I’ve spent countless hours doing over the years, and especially in 2013 — I can make it a point to bring something to read or work on while I wait. If it’s something enjoyable that I rarely have time for, so much the better.

More importantly, though, I can also realize that some of what may appear to be wasted time can actually be vital moments of rest, reflection and rejuvenation. This year, I have the usual ambitions about cleaning out, clearing space and getting rid of a lot of stuff. I fully intend to do that, because I think serenity will be more possible in my daily life if I do. But meanwhile, I need to practice the habit of serenity from where I am now, on day one. For me this will involve not fretting over wasted time, or expecting an unrealistic level of achievement from myself.

I hope you will join me this year in resisting the tendency to feel overwhelmed by life, even when it’s overwhelming. Especially, I hope we will make the clock our servant, not our master. If you have any secrets for staying serene while swamped with endless tasks, feel free to share them with us! Good luck!

One year ago today

Free to go very slow

One spectacle grander

Julia ♦ January 10, 2021 ♦ 6 Comments

You can barely see them, but that's Jeff, Matt and Drew at the bow of Holland America's ship, the Volendam, sailing Alaska in June 2000.

You can barely see them, but that’s Jeff, Matt and Drew at the bow of
Holland America’s ship, the Volendam, sailing through Alaskan waters in June 2000.

“There is one spectacle grander than the sea, that is the sky; there is one spectacle grander than the sky, that is the interior of the soul.” ― Victor Hugo

Jeff and I love to travel, and cruising has become our favorite kind of vacation. Needless to say, we haven’t been able to take a cruise for some time, and we have no idea when we will be able to go to sea again. Nevertheless, we still dream and talk of taking another cruise, and hope it won’t be too long before we are able to set sail.

Meanwhile, Hugo’s quote reminds me that I’ve had a front row seat to a spectacle grander than the sky or sea this year; I have seen Jeff fight through and survive one crisis after another, giving me the most intimate glimpse of the interior of his soul that I have ever seen. Although neither of us chose this particular part of our journey together, and it has been full of scary risks, suffering and exhaustion, it also has been a beautiful testimony to his strong foundation of faith, the power of prayers from so many who care about us, and his courage and determination to stay with Matt and me as long as he can.

I hope this year is full of wonderful sights for you to enjoy, whether at home or abroad. Amid all the sights of land, sea and sky, I hope you will keep an eye out for those surpassingly grand views of the many beautiful souls whose paths will cross yours. Bon Voyage!

One year ago today

Lose sight of the shore

Language of the imagination

Julia ♦ January 9, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

I met this chipmunk at Lake Louise, Alberta, Canada, September 1999.

“ ‘They are all beasts of burden in a sense,’ Thoreau once remarked of animals, ‘made to carry some portion of our thoughts.’ Animals are the old language of the imagination; one of the ten thousand tragedies of their disappearance would be a silencing of this speech.” ― Rebecca Solnit

I’m not sure I understand this quote, but I do find it intriguing. It reminded me of how children are almost universally drawn to animals, and perhaps this is due, in part, to the child’s incomplete grasp of language. Children might feel a kinship with animals based on having to live concurrently in two worlds; one of their own, which makes perfect sense to them, and one belonging to adults, which must surely be unfathomable.

Almost all of us have had the experience of what felt distinctly like a wordless conversation with an animal, and for some of us, it may be a rather common occurrence. Perhaps we converse with animals in a language of the imagination, one we have almost — but not quite — forgotten.

One year ago today

Another step toward simplicity